Three Times the Fun

This week's My Town Monday post is going to be a few thorns short of a full mesquite, a few gallons short of a ten gallon hat, or of you prefer a few lies short of a genuine Texas tall tale. In other words, I'm feeling a bit lazy so this is going to be a half-assed version of My Town Monday.

I so close to the end of Plundered Booty that I can smell it. (That sentence is going to read really weird for those of you unaware I am writing a novel title Plundered Booty.) This is a long holiday weekend as well so there are many factors to my reluctance to write a long drawn out post about Amarillo, but the blunt truth is up not up to doing any of the research required to pull of the ideas I have in mind so this week's edition is purely my opinion. Take it for what you will. Given that this is a three day weekend I stuck with three as the theme. Well, three and meat but then again meat is the underbelly of most of my posts.

TOP 3 GOOD THINGS ABOUT LIVING IN AMARILLO

3) Despite having a population of nearly 200,000 it feels much smaller. Traffic jams? only if a wreck is involved or the space shuttle makes a "surprise" landing at the airport.

2) People are friendly and it is rare that I go to a social event without running into to somebody I know.

1) It is more politically correct to call yourself a carnivore than it is to be a vegetarian.

TOP 3 BAD THINGS ABOUT LIVING IN AMARILLO

3) The town is prone to being narrow-minded about new things and people that are different than the accepted norm.

2) Hail, it's windy. According to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, Amarillo is the second most hail prone city in the US and the third windiest. Sorry Merry, Chicago didn't even make the top ten.

1) Amarillo sits smack dab in the middle of the best fishing places in the country. You might think that was a good thing, but unfortunately, it is three hundred miles no matter which direction you go to find these places.

TOP 3 PLACES TO CLOG YOUR ARTERIES.

3) El Bracero Mexican Grill - Home of the "La Parrillada" which is a little grill chocked full of meat, grilled onion, and roasted jalapeños that they bring right to your table. They have a variety of tasty meat options and you get to pick two. My recommendation is the Cabrito (goat) and quail. And before you ask no i do not eat he peppers,they're green aren't they.

2) Bl Bistro -- This place is too pricey for me to eat at regularly but it is owned by a guy I graduated high school with and it is one of the few places that serves elk from time to time.

1) Coyote Bluff Cafe - Greasy fries, tasty burgers, thick steaks and cold, cold beer. Need I say more. Don't let the seedy appearance of the place fool you. It's good.


I could go on using the power of three to talk about things in my town but like I already said, I'm lazy this week. so here's my offer. Something you want to know about Amarillo? Curious about my city. Here's your chance. ask me any question pertaining to the town or anywhere in the Texas Panhandle for that matter and I will answer it to the best of my ability. Wanna keep the theme of three going and know the top 3 places to get drunk, the three ugliest people, the 3 worst jobs, the 3 best jobs , just drop a question in the comments and I be like the jeeves fella and pop back with some sort of answer.

Also participation in My Town Monday has slacked recently so encourage others to take part if you get the chance. Here is a link to my original post talking about the idea. Go read it, and then post a little something about your town, because I'm curious about things in your neck o' the woods.

And be sure and stop by Reid's blog to wish him happy birthday.

LINKS TO MORE MY TOWN MONDAY-ers

Debra - Village of Peninsula, Ohio (Be sure to stop in and sign up for her contest)

Linda McLaughlin -- Anaheim, California

Terrie Farley Moran (Women of Mystery -- New York City, New York

Barrie Summy -- San Diego, California

Mary Nix -- Olmsted Falls, Ohio

Cornarchy!

I consider myself an intelligent fella. I am quite capable of following a string of logic and coming to an understanding, provided there actual is logic behind that said string.

For instance, I get the fact that the more corn we use for the production of ethanol, the less we have for the other, more traditional uses of those little golden kernels. I grass supply and demand economics. I buy the reasoning behind cattle feed going up and there for beef prices rising. I am not baffled that the Green Giant must charge more for his frozen packs of Nibblers.



And, I even understand that the price of popcorn has exploded. But here is where things get greasier than your fingers after eating an entire bag of eight-dollar popped gold at the cinema.

Movie tickets might take hit from exploding popcorn prices

That headline comes from a USA Today story that theater owners are planning to raise ticket prices by as much as 30% because of the escalating price of popcorn. According the the story, ticket prices are subsidized by the sale of concession stand goodies and the higher popcorn is the less people buy it so the less the theater makes. There are more holes in that theory than gray hairs in Indian Jones's stubble.

If I go the counter and see that a tub O' cholesterol now cost me more than Nick Nolte spends on bail money then I'm going to change my snacking selection. I'm just as happy munching on Sugar Babies and Junior Mints as I am on digging kernels of popcorn out of my teeth for the next few hours. As a fat guy I will go on record as saying I don't care what I eat. It's dark and my focus is on the screen. Give me chocolate covered ants, or deep fried grasshoppers and I'll probably never even notice unless the movie is total crap. I say the theater owners should get inventive. Tell the National Popcorn Society to go to hell and feed us something different. Unless your name is Orville Redenbacher you can probably sit through Pirates Of The Caribbean 18 -- The Curse of Jack's Kracken Bones without a barrel of butter drenched, air-infused corn. And if you can't well then you tell the kids there will be no Christmas this year and go ahead and break out the credit card at the concession stand.

This is the equivalent of strip clubs raising their cover prices because the cost of glitter has skyrocketed. I say we all put our foot down and start sneaking in bags of microwaved Pop Secret. Women use your purse, and guys, just cram it under your shirt. Sure you'll look fat and lumpy and you might even get a few grease stains on your clothes, but sacrifices have to be made. Besides, chicks still dug Elvis right up until the end and that smae desription could have been used to describe him.

Utopia

Melissa Marsh recently had this post about author's and the rooms they write in. Her take was a spin off from a series done by The Guardian, which can be found here.

The actual room where I write is far to disorganized and messy to post pictures of. My wife woud kill me if I did. She won't even step foot in the door yet she often tells me how bad I need to organize and straighten. Instead of bringing you my normal writing environment, I thought I'd share wiht you my idea of the perfect climate to create. And I actually got to try it out last week as you'll see in the pictures.

Here it is, my idea of writing paradise ...

The shot is of my buddies dock at his waterside cabin at Lake Buchanan west of Austin. Here was the routine while I was there and I wish I could do this everyday.

5:30 A.M. -- Pop out of bed(okay, pop might be an exaggeration) get dressed and be out on the lake as the sun rose.

9:30ish -- Head back to home base for a bit of vittles consisting of the triumvirate of breakfast meats sausage bacon, ham.

10:30ish -- Gather my laptop, fishing poles, bait and beer and head out on the end of the dock, where I would fish and work on Plundered Booty while doing a bit of catfishing. My buddy chose this time to take a nap, but I'm of the opinion I'll get all the sleep I need once I'm dead.


4 P.M. ish -- My buddy would stagger out into the sunlight and suggest we fire up the grill. Steaks, burgers, and grilled chicken for fajitas made up out afternoon menu.

6 ish -- Time to head back out on the lake to chase the Stripers and White Bass. We stayed out until the sun dipped down in the west and then headed back to the cabin for a nightcap. Him Crown and Seven, me rum.

10:30 or so -- Go to bed and get ready to do it again.

A great routine while it lasted.


The striper fishing wasn't all that great due to the fact it rained every night I was there and a constnat north wind, but I did manage to catch a fair number of White Bass and on topwater lures no less which is always exciting. I also managed to nab a few of my whiskered brethren while hanging out on the dock writing.


Few things are tastier than a channel cat fried to a delicious golden brown. Someday i hope to afford a place like this of my own where I can live out my days with my family -- writing and fishing, and enjoying life.

A Bit O'Booty

Yesterday, I blogged about the contest literary agent Nathan Bransford is putting on. Thre are well over 400 entries so the competition is stiff. The contest centers around dialogue and I did submit an entry, though I had to tweak the scene a bit to make it fit within his mandated 250 word count. Since it has been a while since I posted a snippet of my writing except for the Two Line Tuesdays I thought I'd post the scene here as it now reads in my work in progress.

I'll warn you their is a bit of colorful language that might offend those with virginal eyes. This scene come early in th novel and is a gathering of a group pf car salesman and the their boss Junior who only recently inherited the dealership from his father. This comes from my modern day pirate novel Plundered Booty. The novel spans form the red dirt of Oklahoma to the white sands of the Caribbean as the reader will find out there is more than one kind of plundered booty. The entire novel is told through the eyes of first person narrator, Hank "The Captain" Zybeck. My aim is to have the narrator seemingly be telling the story top the reader so it is a bit intrusive compared to most novels. Sort of in the style Holden Caulfield narrates Catcher In The Rye. Only Hank is a honest but naive, good ol' boy as opposed to a whiny, rebellious rich kid. The novel is meant to be humorous, sort of a blend between a Jimmy Buffet song and a Kinky Freidman novel.
Rex tilted his head to one side and studied the applicants. “Where’d they come from?”

I posted flyers at the community college and one down at Luanne’s School of Beauty.” Junior slung his arm around Rex’s shoulder. “One or two more ought to show back up, but y’all can start interviewing now.”

Rex stepped away from the boss. “You’re telling me you never met these girls before?”

Never laid eyes on them until this morning, but I got a wallet full of hundreds says I can lay more than that on any one of ‘em by week’s end.”

"So we,” Frank made a circular motion with his finger, “Choose who you hire, and then we’re gonna bet on who can nail her first?”

"That’s right, Sherlock.” Junior smiled. “Sherlock. I like the ring of that.” Already Junior had dubbed me Captain, and J.J. John Juan. No doubt Frank had just earned the nickname Sherlock.

"I’d kept quiet until this point, but one question came to mind, so I cleared my throat and said, “What are we supposed to tell them if they ask about being in the TV commercials?”

"Tell them that will be up to me,” Junior said.

"Oh, no!” Rex spun around. “Girls like that are whores when it comes to getting on television. They’d all hop in bed with you right now with that option on the table.”

"Hey, I have to tell them something. Who the hell wants a job answering phones and putting up with horny old car salesmen?” The boss laughed and slapped Dave on the back.

"Give us two weeks head start before you move in.” Rex had gone back to ogling the applicants. Now there were five.

"Why should I agree to that?”

"Because. You’re the boss and that gives you an advantage.”

"One work week.”

"Come on, Junior,” Rex said. “They know you have all the power. And look at your competition. Dave is so sleazy repulses ninety-eight percent of women. J.J. knows his wife would castrate him and hang his balls on her rosary, so he’s too scared to even try. Frank plays the banjo. What more can I say? And Captain … well we both know he couldn’t pull any pussy if he had a wagon full of cats.”

Junior grinned. “Throw Ol’ Captain in the ring and you might be surprised what he can do.”

To make matters clear, I said, "I’m not playing.”

"Don’t be so eager to push the dinner plate away. You might take a fancy to one of those ladies out there and decide you’d like a taste.”

"Not me. I’m not much of a gambler.”

"Then he should pick the girl,” Dave said, but thankfully no one else seemed to have heard.

The boss turned back to Rex. “Seven calendar days.”

"Eight,” Rex countered.

"Fine, eight days, even though it’s going to cost me. It only took God six to create the world. Any man with half a brain and a set of testicles ought to be able to score in half as many.”

And that my friends is how the tradition started. The rules remained true, right up until Eva arrived.


Good or bad, I'd love to hear what you think so drop me a comment.

2-Fer Tuesday, A Meme, & An Agent's Writing Contest

I'm going to do a meme and then post my Two Sentence Tuesday assignment for the week at the bottom.


The tag: (from Josephine Damian)

1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5-6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read the player’s blog.
4. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answer.

Various Things MeMe

What were you doing ten years ago?

Ten years ago I had been married for all of seven months. I was twenty five living in the same house I do now. I had just gotten a day job at the Post Office after nearly seven years of evenings. My wife was still working the evening shift at the P.O. at that time and I was not writing then, so I spent most of my free time fishing in the creek by my house. Something I do not get to do nearly often enough these days.


What are five things on your to-do list for today (not in any particular order)?

1. Go to work, where I hope to avoid the bosses and anything to extraneous.
2. Go out to eat for my grandmother's 82nd birthday.
3. Crank out some more Plundered Booty.
4. Catch up on emails and odds and ends of necessary tasks.
5. Get a decent nights sleep since they have been few and far between lately.


What are some snacks you enjoy?

Nuts (except macadamia and walnuts), Sugar Babies, Fun-Yuns, and most anything else sugary or unhealthy

What would you do if you were a billionaire?

Quit work so I could enjoy my family more. Travel. Enter the world series of poker every year. Still chase my goal of publishing my novels, and no I wouldn't buy my way to that goal as I do not think it would be nearly as satisfactory, but I'd go all out in doing my research. Start a radio station in my town and maybe other places that features the Lone Star music kind of sound.

What are five places where you have lived?

I've never crawled far from the crib so I've lived in Amarillo all my life. Actually, I live south of town in the boonies, but my address is still an Amarillo one.


What are five jobs you have had?

Feedstore boy (read those blogs here if you missed them.)
High School Football referee. (Stories here)
Shopping mall Santa (if you're curious)
Fully gruntled Postal worker
Fiction Writer Extraordinaire (yeah, that's pushing it a might but wishful thinking ought to count for something)

What were the last five books you read?

Orange Mint and Honey by Carleen Brice
The Bone Pickers by Al Dewlen
Lonely Planet's travelguide to Jamaica by Michael Read
Pirate Spirit : The Adventures of Anne Bonney by Jeffery Williams
Adventure Guide Cayman Islands by Paris Permenter and John Bigley

The last three are all research for Plundered Booty and that has been the focus of my reading for a while but I urge all of you to read Carleen's fabulous novel


What are five web sites you visit daily (in no particular order)?

Facebook.com, to check my scrabulous games.
Weather.com to know if their is any danger I'll melt or float away later in the day
Huskerpedia.com to keep up on The Cornhuskers athletic program
Nola.com to read the latest news about the Saints
LoneStarMusic.com to listen to the radio and keep on my tunes



From a short story I have been tweaking this week for submission ...

The shimmering heat waves reminded him of the strippers in Vegas. Curvy, arousing to watch -- yet impossible to grab hold of.

and from something I've read this week ...

I am pleased to report that the battery of physicians and psychiatrists who monitor my well-being on a daily basis have at long last declared me fit to proceed with another contest!

That comes from blogging agent Nathan Bransford's announcement that he is doing another contest. Yeah I know I only posted one sentence, but the contest will be so large that I thought I'd cut the Tuesday two sentence rule in half. For rules and details on the contest click here, but you better hurry the deadline is 5 p.M. Pacific Time Wednesday, May, 21st.

And like every Tuesday be sure and visit the W0men of Mystery for more Two Line Tuesday participants.

Homer's Backyard Ball -- A My Town Monday Post

I'm too lazy to look up Webster's actual definition of a ball, but I think most people would describe a ball as some sort of fancy party. Say you are attending a ball and images of evening gowns and tuxedos and waiters with accents and trays of fancy hors d'oeuvres.

But there are other kind of balls as well. Those that bounce, and are the focal point of sporting endeavors and then there is the kind that hang below bulls, and all other male species.

Homer's Backyard Ball is in fact a giant outdoor party but the ball portion actually refers to that last definition of the word ball - as in testicles.

Eleven years ago a fellow with the last name of Homer happened to have a five gallon barrel full of recently removed calf testicles. In some places these are referred to as Rocky Mountain Oysters but around my neck of the woods they are most commonly referred to as calf fries. Good Ol' Mr. Homer decided to slice the calf fries and fry them up so he invited a bunch of friends over to his backyard. He told them to bring their own booze and lawn chair. The event quickly became tradition and the party outgrew his backyard, but out in a cow pasture a simple boom box didn't quit cut it when it came time to supply the music so a band was invited to play.


In 2000 the event became affiliated with the Make-A Wish foundation that grants last wishes for terminally ill children and it continues to grow every year. There is now a calf fry and BBQ cook off competition that only adds to the party. Early numbers said their was nearly 10,000 attendees at this year's event here in Amarillo. Including, me and my friends.

From here on out this post is mostly pictures with a brief explanation to go along. Click on any image to enlarge.



Yep, That hairy guy with the sexy white legs in me. To my right is my buddy Charlie and those are our wives behind us. Mine, Jennifer in the white and his, Cecelia in the green.






Steve (on the right) and some dude I don't know, compare shirts.



The food is good as you get to sample BBQ and Calf Fries from the cooking teams that entered.

I like this team's name and mission statement.







I have no idea what this means but it was on the side of one team's chuckwagon.





And a member of the Budweiser cooking team models a nearly depleted pan of delicious golden fried testicles



Another highpoint at Homer's is the cutting end fashion that us unlike anything you'll ever find on a runway. Apparently tube tops are making a comeback. Some pull the look of better than others.














And the musical lineup was quite good as well. For those who might think Texas Music is the same kind of country as that stuff Nashville pumps out well you couldn't be more wrong. Texas Country is more folksy with a hint of southern rock. It is a blend of traditional country, rockabilly, and Americana. Think Dylan meshed with Stevie Ray Vaughn, and Bob Wills.

This years linup included, the Chancy Bernson Band, Tommy Gallagher Band, Casey Berry and The Live Texas Mosquitoes, Macon Greyson, The Charlie Shafter Band, Matt Martindale, Rick Trevino, and the headliner and one of my all-time favorites -- Charlie Robison.

All the bands were good but Rick Trevino didn't quite fit in to me. He is more mainstream though he did have a stronger Tejano sound than I thought. He sounded fine but he sang mostly covers of Nashville style country and that isn't my thing.

Here are a few pics of the musical acts. In order are The Charlie Shafter band, Casey Berry, and Matt Martindale. I've also included a snippet video of Charlie Robison singing though the sound quality of my digital camera is rather crappy. The video does give you an idea of the party atmosphere.




And more pics of mostly drunken revelry.










































Check Back Here for links to other My Town Monday Posts from other Bloggers

Patti Abbott -- Detroit, Michigan

Debra -- Village of Peninsula, Ohio

Linda McLaughlin -- San Clemente, California

Barry Summy -- Sandiego, California

Lyzzydee -- Welwyn Garden City, England

Clare2E (Women of Mystery) -- Brooklyn, New York

Checking In

Thanks for worrying about me when I become a bit scarce around the blogosphere. Just for the record, I did have a wee little medical procedure followed by a quick fishing expedition to central Texas. Pictures to come later. (Of the fishing trip that is not the medical procedure - that would just be gross)

And in a few hours I am headed top a Texas musical festival and Cook-off that will be the subject of my My Town Monday post this week. The Shiner bock is on ice and the sun screen is packed, and Charlie Robison is headlining. Should be a great time

I'll do my best to get back on track and make the rounds to all of your blogs this week.

Forgotten book Friday

Patti Abbott launched the idea for forgotten book Friday a few weeks back. I participated the first week and have not done so again until now. In that first post I did tag three people to name a recommendation of their own. I'm proud to say all three accepted their assignment.

Katrina Kimble's can be found here.

Shauna Sturge's is here.

And Jennifer Archer ran with the assignment and did one here and here.

But guess what. Jennifer is a very talented author in her own right. I'm not sure of the exact number but she has had somewhere in the neighborhood of a dozen books published.

Of those, the Me I used to be is my favorite.

That Was Then

Me, Allyson Cole. Age sixteen. Living in the world of endless summers, of going wherever you wanted. And yes, my parents may have worried that I was riding into trouble — but I was young and in love, and growing up was something I had to do….

And This Is Now

Me, again. Allyson Cole. This time, age fifty-one. I have everything I always wanted — almost. I don't have him…and I don't have me. Now's the time to find what I lost. To do that, I have to hit the road, and find the father of my child. And start a journey I never could have anticipated….

The story is chocked full of great characters and I guarantee you'll feel like you are on that journey with Allyson.

Jennifer also has a new story out the collection More than Words Volumn 4 which can be bought here. She is also one of the nicest ladies you can meet and her perpetual smile is enough to brighten any room. so check out either of these titles or any of her others when you get the chance.