Monday, October 1, 2007

Trust Me, I know What I'm Talking About

Today marks the sixth month anniversary of my first official post on this blog. Yep, I started this sucker on April Fools day. Fitting huh?

Anyway in the spirit of that the most noble of holidays and with tongue planted firmly in cheek, here is my answer to WordVixen's tag about blogging advice.

1)Make it an Annual Event - Who the heck has time to type a post once or twice a week much less every single day? Only a real loser would spend that much time on the Internet. Three or four good posts a year are enough for anyone. Readers won't mind checking every other day or so for months on end without anything new. You don't believe me. People plant fruit trees don't they? And those only bear fruit one time a year.

2)It's all in the Details - If you are going to insist on posting on a regular basis then you have no alternative but to relay every last minute detail of your life. Sue in Sioux City would love to read all about your favorite sappy soap opera. Bill in Birmingham is on the edge of his porcelain bowl to hear about you belly ache and bodacious bowel movement. And Harry in Hutchison is in a hell of hurry to hear of your horrible hemorrhoid heartaches. And don't forget that pictures add a nice touch to every post.

3) Take the Offensive - Go ahead. Rail about how lazy all fat people are. I mean why else would they be overweight. And those skinny folks. We all know they're all anorexic. And those damn rude Yankees from up north, while they are pert near as bad as those rubes in the south, or those high falootin' yuppies out California way. Then yo have the Okies, those hayseed Midwesterners, those freaks from the Pacific northwest. An anybody that would live out in a desert ain't is a few thorns short of a Saguaro if you ask me. And don't even get me started on those Canadians with all their ehs and that backwards game they call football. Who wants to win a grey cup anyway? At least our trophies are gold or silver.

4) Reject This - For those of you who are writers don't just sit back and take that rejection lying down. Go ahead name that agent or editor by name. Let the world know how stupid they are for passing on your work. And while you're at it, mention a couple of their published authors and why their last book sucked. That will show 'em who's boss.

5) Skim City - Who has the time to read other blogs? Sure it is good to visit other blogger's sites but you don't wanna waste time actually reading their entire posts. Skim through a couple of random lines and then post a stupid little comment to let them know you were there. And if they have some kind of gosh-awful list don't bother reading but the first three or four. IF you read number five you might find out the whole thing is some kind of twisted joke. Or one of those stupid memes where people post five items of really bad blogging advice.

I would love to see what Alex, Cher, and Mr. Shife can do with this topic. But if they decline I'm not going to hunt them down or badger them with comments.

28 comments:

cher said...

ok, i'm sorry. i don't get it. am i supposed to take your highlighted topics and make my own comments? i'm sorry. i'm retarded. i'll do it, but i don't get what i'm supposed to do.

Travis Erwin said...

You are supposed to offer up five pieces of bad advice to other bloggers.

Whatever strikes you mind.

alex keto said...

Hmmm, you covered a lot of bases with your advice, all of which I am taking to heart.
I'll have to think about this...

cher said...

ok... i can do that. and i will... ;)

Monnik said...

Bwahaha! I. Love. The. Alliteration. You're talented, Travis.


"And Harry in Hutchison is in a hell of hurry to hear of your horrible hemorrhoid heartaches."

Reid said...

Haha! Consider this my generic comment to indicate I sort of read your blog.

My bad advice is to post about something completely specific to your own life, without giving any backstory or details. I love hearing people complain about random things at work without really knowing what the Hell is actually going on.

Travis Erwin said...

Alex - This advice is a bit easier to swallow with a bit of scotch.

Monnik - Thanks for the compliment. If you ever find yourself on an airplane next to snoozing top-notch literary agent be sure and whisper my name in their ear.

Reid - This one time at Postal Camp ...

Travis Erwin said...

And Cher, I really look forward to what you will come up with.

Ello said...

Ha! Great job!

emily said...

Happy Anniversary!

Richard said...

(1) don't forget ads, blogs are an excellent vehicule for passive income.

(2) are you advocating devil worship? After all, don't they say the devil is in the details.

(3) the best defense is a good offense

(4) if you wanted to be anonymous, then you wouldn't have a public presence. Since you have a public presence you want to be pilloried. QED.

(5) only if you want to flame someone.

Terrie Farley Moran said...

Travis,

I had to read your entire post to find out that you actually EXPECT me to read the entire post.

Don't I do enough for you just by clicking on your link and making that little site meter chug along. You want me to read too?

You sure ask a lot of a rude northern gal--and I'm not a Yankee. I'm a Met's fan. *sob* *sob*.

Terrie

Mr. Shife said...

Great advice Travis, and I could be a real douche bag and just say do whatever you said. I am going kind of a douche bag and not give five pieces of advice, but only one. Treat other bloggers like you want to be treated. For example, if someone takes the time to give me a comment then I make sure I repay the visit. Blogger karma.

Merry Jelinek said...

Oh, I especially enjoyed the 'reject this' portion of your entry... now why didn't I think of that?

Great post, Travis... even if I am a damn Yankee...

WordVixen said...

Nice one! D@mn fruit trees.

Rocketstar said...

Stupid little comment ;o)

preTzel said...

Gee Travis, you forgot to mention that people should also comment about other people blogs on their own blogs to draw them to their blogs so they'll comment on their blogs to draw them back to their own blogs. :o)

Hell, I was so bored today I blogged about Britney losing custody of her kids. Blech.

Charles Gramlich said...

Damn, I see I've been doing it all wrong. Thanks for this advice. I'm going to start following it today.

Patti said...

yay! i can post more bowel movement entries, cause clearly it's what you all want!!!

angel, jr. said...

Aren't meme's great!! But like Cher, I'm not understanding how this meme works. I'm a little deficient upstairs too!

Patti said...

oh,my advice: don't bother with sppell check. no one cares anywray. it's the contenxt we are after. your genius will shinne thru.

Stephen Parrish said...

Don't forget to provide your WIP's word-count-to-date in every post. We're all dying to know how many words your wrote today, and tomorrow, and the next day . . .

Travis Erwin said...

Angel - The idea behind this meme is to give bad blogging advice. Things that would drive readers away in droves or alienate the very people you want to reach.

Patti- I only wish spell check were available for comments. Or that I would remember to take the time to proofread before I hit publish.

Stephen - I'm at 17893.5 words right now.

Clare2e said...

I had to come here to find out Terrie's in mourning for the Mets. Being part of Patriot and Red Sox Nations, it's not such a bad time for me though. How about that phenom Randy Moss? And Reid, how's the lumbago in your string bean fields? I laughed and laughed *wink* if only I could tell everyone...

Travis- Did you forget to add Number 6? When bothering to skim other blogs, always try to hijack their comments threads with tangential, inside conversations.

Happy Blogiversary, Herr Erwin!

cher said...

ok travis! you're wish is my command.. post is up WITH photos!!

Patti said...

oh, and when you leave comments tell me about your black caulk experience, which i loved waaaaay more than anyone needs to know.

Bluefingers said...

Here is my generic comment to let you know I read your blog.

Sorry I haven't been blog commenting as much as I usually do, but hell, I have been bogged down with someone else's Booty.

LOL..

yours,

Me

Therese said...

Hey, Travis--

I've been meaning to come by here forever...

I love this meme and your answers have me laughing out loud. Especially #2--the alliteration is masterful!