Trust Me, I know What I'm Talking About

Today marks the sixth month anniversary of my first official post on this blog. Yep, I started this sucker on April Fools day. Fitting huh?

Anyway in the spirit of that the most noble of holidays and with tongue planted firmly in cheek, here is my answer to WordVixen's tag about blogging advice.

1)Make it an Annual Event - Who the heck has time to type a post once or twice a week much less every single day? Only a real loser would spend that much time on the Internet. Three or four good posts a year are enough for anyone. Readers won't mind checking every other day or so for months on end without anything new. You don't believe me. People plant fruit trees don't they? And those only bear fruit one time a year.

2)It's all in the Details - If you are going to insist on posting on a regular basis then you have no alternative but to relay every last minute detail of your life. Sue in Sioux City would love to read all about your favorite sappy soap opera. Bill in Birmingham is on the edge of his porcelain bowl to hear about you belly ache and bodacious bowel movement. And Harry in Hutchison is in a hell of hurry to hear of your horrible hemorrhoid heartaches. And don't forget that pictures add a nice touch to every post.

3) Take the Offensive - Go ahead. Rail about how lazy all fat people are. I mean why else would they be overweight. And those skinny folks. We all know they're all anorexic. And those damn rude Yankees from up north, while they are pert near as bad as those rubes in the south, or those high falootin' yuppies out California way. Then yo have the Okies, those hayseed Midwesterners, those freaks from the Pacific northwest. An anybody that would live out in a desert ain't is a few thorns short of a Saguaro if you ask me. And don't even get me started on those Canadians with all their ehs and that backwards game they call football. Who wants to win a grey cup anyway? At least our trophies are gold or silver.

4) Reject This - For those of you who are writers don't just sit back and take that rejection lying down. Go ahead name that agent or editor by name. Let the world know how stupid they are for passing on your work. And while you're at it, mention a couple of their published authors and why their last book sucked. That will show 'em who's boss.

5) Skim City - Who has the time to read other blogs? Sure it is good to visit other blogger's sites but you don't wanna waste time actually reading their entire posts. Skim through a couple of random lines and then post a stupid little comment to let them know you were there. And if they have some kind of gosh-awful list don't bother reading but the first three or four. IF you read number five you might find out the whole thing is some kind of twisted joke. Or one of those stupid memes where people post five items of really bad blogging advice.

I would love to see what Alex, Cher, and Mr. Shife can do with this topic. But if they decline I'm not going to hunt them down or badger them with comments.