Thursday, December 20, 2007

Go Ahead, Spear My Dreams - Another Riddle Me This Rant

I'm not one to care about celebrities. I don't watch Entertainment Tonight, or Hard Copy or any other like minded shows. I don't read People or US, or the Enquirer unless I'm stuck in a long line at the grocery store checkout. But I don't live in a cave either so I know more than I want to about Lindsay, and Omaha Super-8. That is the name I use for Paris Hilton, but I stole it from Sirius radio DJ Mojo Nixon so didn't think of it on my own.

And of course then there is Brittany. Miss Spears and turbulence seem to find each other as often as tornadoes and trailer parks. But again I could care less. Then why are you blogging about Hollywood's misfits?

Stay with me. Yesterday, while listening to Sirius on the way to work I hear that Brittany's little sister Jamie Lynn is pregnant at 16. Again not news I care about. But then the DJ says. Now Brittany and Jamie's mother will have to add a new chapter to her parenting book that is due out soon. Now I'm paying attention.

Someone, a Christian publisher I've since learned, paid the woman who raised tabloid poster girl, Brittany Spears to write a book on parenting. Riddle me this. WHY on earth would anyone do that? What was the title? How to raise your own slut machine for cash and profit?

Brittany learned such affective parenting skills form her mother that a judge decided her kids were better off with that Federline chap, and frankly he doesn't strike me as the second coming of Ward Cleaver.

Now I discover after the briefest of research that the publisher is planning to delay distribution of the book since news broke of the little sister's bun in the oven. To me that is the least of the problems when it comes to the credibility of this book. NEWSFLASH - Teenagers are horny. they sometimes make mistakes, even those that belong to good parents. I can't believe you'd be concerned about that and not the crazy shaved head - baby making - baby losing - vagina showing - two divorcing - lip syncing, crazy antics of Brittany.

And yes, it pisses me off when people like this get book deals and cash for a crappy book that somebody else actually ghost wrote anyway, when there are thousands of more deserving writers out there struggling to get their foot in the door. Me included.

Rant over.


Church Lady said...

May I add to your rant that while oil is over 90$ a barrel and the rate of foreclosures has yet to peak (expected to in March) and the dollar is the lowest it's been in 25 years, why we even care about Brittany. I've said this on other blogs. It's one of my popular rants. While the media is pumping out fluff, we are numbing ourselves to reality.

Monnik said...

I totally agree. I get so irritated about all of the celebrity news, but I feed the problem by checking out every day.

But you're right - a teenage pregnancy doesn't seem to be as shocking as the antics Britney's pulled lately.

A parenting book from Lynne Spears. What's next - an anger management book by Bobby Knight?

Travis Erwin said...

Church Lady - You are dead on right.

Monnik - No, a dog care book from Michael Vick.

inherwritemind1 said...

And yes, it pisses me off when people like this get book deals and cash for a crappy book that somebody else actually ghost wrote anyway, when there are thousands of more deserving writers out there struggling to get their foot in the door. Me included.

Amen, brother.

alex keto said...

Obviously the only solution is to hide next to the cashier in your local borders. When someone lines up to buy Paris Hilton's book on "Home Cooking Secrets For Those Who Have Their Own Chefs," jump up and throttle them.
Or in other words, cut the demand for these books and they will go away.
Not that that is actually going to happen. But it's a nice thought on par with believing in the Easter Bunny

Church Lady said...

Travis, I will be dedicating a song to you on my blog later this afternoon. It's simply perfect, so I hope you will stop by!


Travis Erwin said...

Tena - and hallelujah to you too.

Alex - You handle stopping those east of the Mississippi and I'll take the west side.

Church Lady - will do, but I gotta say I'm a bit scared. And did you know tomorrow is my birthday? Guess this will be an early present.

Angie said...

Yeah, I've read about that in various places around the blogosphere, both the other kid's pregnancy and the mom's book being pulled off the publishing schedule. [eyeroll]

I think it just goes to prove that what they say about non-fiction books is true -- that it's more about your platform than anything else. You can write the greatest, most readable, most useful and insightful book ever, but if you don't already have a blog with three thousand subscribers and a syndicated newspaper column and semi-regular guest spots on a radio talk show and cetera, you're never going to get your non-fiction book published because you don't have a platform. :/

Britney Spears's mom has a platform, just from being Britney Spears's mom. It's like Jerry Seinfeld's wife getting a big contract for her book on how to get your kids to eat vegetables -- she has zero qualifications as a chef or a nutritionist or whatever, but she's Jerry Seinfeld's wife. It's all about what sort of "Hey, look! Fame!" copy they can put on your book cover. You have to please the marketing folks before anyone else.

Angie, who's very happy to be writing fiction

Travis Erwin said...

Angie - Fiction isn't exempt. What about Star, Pamela Anderson's "novel"
OR the children's books by Madonna and Rosie, and their brethren? And didn't Jimmy Buffet put out a novel as well that was said to be a stinker.? I'm sure there are more examples as well.

Josephine Damian said...

I too found it interesting that a "Christian" publisher would put out that book in the first place.

Mark my words, if you thought you Brit was a psycho before this, she'll go waaaaay off the deep end now to get the attention back on her and away from her irresponsible sis.

Charles Gramlich said...

Amen, Brother too. I thought exactly the same thing when I heard about the "parenting" book. I just didn't know it was from a Christian press, which makes it even more glorious. WTF?

Josephine Damian said...

A dog care book by Michael Vick! lol

Ok, I'll play:
"How to be a Model Citizen" by OJ Simpson.

Travis, I just posted my own version of "favorite things," and gave you a linky-love shout out as well.

Have a happy birthday!

Josephine Damian said...

"Marriage Advice" by Drew Peterson
" " " by Scott Peterson

Beck said...

I've had the same thoughts myself - a lot of teenagers get pregnant and THIS is what is getting Lynne Spears labelled as a bad mother?
Celebrity is becoming more and more unappealling, now that they all appear to be a bunch of meth-addicted trainwrecks.
Our local library is particularily fond of celebrity-written books. I avoid our local library.

Brooke said...

Oh lord, this killed me too.

This is almost as bad as the close call we had with OJ and How He Did It...

Happy Birthday to you :)

Travis Erwin said...

Josephine - You got some great titles there. How about a Hunter's safetly manual written by Dick Cheney.

And great point on Brit. Will be interesting what she does to reacquire the limelight.

Charles - Head scratching for sure.

Beck - Maybe i need to find a wayt o get famous and then tryt o sell my novels.

Brooke- Thanks for the birthday salute and I hope you are recovering from your procedure. Did you kill your sister yet?

Angie said...

Travis -- sure, fame will help a celebrity get a novel published, but someone who's not famous, and doesn't have a "platform" can get a novel published too. I'm still happy to be in fiction rather than non-fiction. :/


Merry Jelinek said...

I actually did hear about this... though the fact that Lynn Spears got a deal for a parenting book really didn't throw me at all - I think it's laughable that anyone would buy it, but buy it they will... by the way, Travis, loved your rant... your voice kills me every time...

For some reason, the star factor for non-fiction doesn't bother me so much, but yeah, it bothers me with fiction... it's like saying, hey, it's so easy anyone can do it - look ma, no hands! When a star 'writes' non-fic. okay, they have a particular story you and I can't factually write or have people interested in... but fiction... seriously?

There's a famous musician from a hugely successful band who wrote a book that's either out or due out soon... he had a publishing deal before he wrote it from what I can tell... anyway, I ran into some of his promotional stuff online, and the story itself actually sounds interesting... it's the fact that he repeatedly refers to his book as a 'fictional novel' - okay, I get it, brilliant musician... come on, though, you're not even trying here... he may be a great writer, but if he doesn't learn the craft first, I doubt many people will figure that out.

Okay, I stopped in to wish you an early Happy Birthday, but you got me all ranty... and I was ranty from earlier...

Book Titles:

How to Shmooze People and Win over Confidence... by Ted Bundy

Proper Etiquette and Social Grace... by Angie Dickenson

Understanding your tax forms and how to comply... by Willie Nelson

The Dangers of Drugs and How to Say No... Snoop Dog

alternatefish said...

How to Raise Your Own Slut Machine For Cash and Profit. Now there's a book I would buy.

I think the moral of this story is that to get famous, you must find someone in your family with talent you can exploit. (talent is actually optional as long as you can convince enough people that s/he has talent.) I'm training up my little brother for that job.

~SUV Mama~ said...

"How to borrow money you never intend to pay back to increase your net wealth, marry three models, have several children, and host a wildly popular, albeit stupid, television show despite your bankruptcy filings and shady business ethics" Donald Trump.

Oh. Wait. That has already BEEN written- and published. More than once.

We praise idiocracy. It's no wonder a mother with a track record of raising irresponsible children got a book deal. I, personally, would read it (once it gets to the dollar bin at the grocery store). I need to know what NOT to do.

ORION said...

"Teaching Techniques to show your students you care about them"
Mary Kay Letourneau

(sorry I just had to add one)

Sherry said...

Very credible rant Travis. It boggles the mind...garbage sells. Plain and simple.

Barrie said...

I wonder how well it will sell?

Bubblewench said...

You deserve that rant... and you're right.

Cicily Janus said...

OMG...I Didn't know, until reading your blog that this was an issue. WTF? She's going down. Travis, I'll be by your place tonight to get you and we'll travel to Alabama or wherever the hell she lives and we'll take her out. Sound good? Make sure to bring the beef jerky, we might be on the run for a while after this.

Some people!