Thursday, January 24, 2008

Not All Pearls Come From The Ocean

Are the kids gone? ... Good.

Do you find some topics offensive, or embarrassing? Or maybe you expect this post to have something to do with writing. ... If either of those scenarios fits you you might wanna skip this post and come back in a few days.

Is it just us legal, slightly depraved adults left? In the words of Mr. Burns ... excellent.
So what was that blogworthy mission that my wife enlisted me for? Get on with it Travis, no more beating around the bush.

I went dildo shopping.

There I said it. Not let me give you the set up.

My wife and I are fortunate to have a solid group of friends. There are three or four married couples as well as a couple of confirmed bachelors in this mix. Most weekends the majority of this group of about a dirty dozen end up together. We eat, drink, play a variety of games and just generally have a good time cutting up with each other.

Recently a member of our group decided to be an ass. He made and continues to make one bad choice after another. After twenty four years of marriage he decided that being married was no what he wanted to do. Needless to say his wife has had a hard time adjusting to the new life he chose for her.

Like myself my wife is tried to take a happy upbeat take on life and she has accepted as her personal mission to take care of this recently abandoned friend. Not that she didn't before, but now those efforts are more concentrated and planned. And my wife is not alone. others in the group have made certain that she stays included and that she is still very much a part of our gang.

One of the ways our group shows love is by teasing you. If you can't take it you don't belong and if you don't get teased then you have not been truly embraced.

So there has been a fair amount of comments about our friend's mood and the fact she no longer has an easy way to relived tension. My wife threatened weeks ago that if she didn't get in a better mood then she was going to buy her a stress reliever. One thing led to another and now this woman can not leave the room to visit the restroom without some one saying upon her return, "How come the lights dim when you go the room." or "Do you need some help kicking starting Captain America's replacement."

No her husband wasn't really Captain America but that's what I have decided to call him. Let me say the mere mention of a marital aid turns her cheeks pink. So like a shark in bloody water the group decided to pitch in and buy her a little present for her birthday today.

But my wife and another female friend didn't want to do this shopping alone. And since I was the only husband who got of early enough to complete the mission before dark I got enlisted.

Their plan? To drive out east of town the the seedy adult stores out by the interstate truckstops.

Lonely road weary truckers, sex toys, and dimly lit fantasy stores inside of old grain elevators (I'm not making that up. Places like that really exist outside of town) is not what I had in mind so I suggested an alternative.

The Music Box.

This is a place in Amarillo that has it all for those who do not wish to conform to the norm.

Want a body part pierced? Any body part? The Music Box will gladly jab a piece of metal through your skin if that is your thing.

Tattoo? Yep.

Need a bong ... er I mean a decorative flower vase? The Music Box hears you.

Hookah Pipe? Toke away at the Box.

Nine Inch nail poster? Got 'em.

Need a t-shirts? They have a fine selection, including these ...

And if you need a purple, five-inch jackass replacement called a, Pearl Shine ... well, they have those as well.


Duck said...

Ah, it's been quite a while since I've personally been in a sex shop. Good times, good times.

I am always confused about what the difference between a dildo and a vibrator is though. I used to think a dildo was a penis-shaped instrument that didn't vibrate, but now I'm thinking any vibrator that is inserted if you will is a dildo, whereas a vibrator is more like those little silver bullet things with a wired remote that buzz around on the outside. Hmm...

Wait, where was I? Was that too graphic? You should have gone to the old silo. They could even go so far as to paint it like a giant phallus. That would be fantastic.

Monnik said...

Oh man. that place sounds cool! Love the Obama/Clinton shirt.

And I'm so glad you got her a purple one. With a great name to boot.

I hope, for her sake, that she'll use it. Hell, if her ex is as miserable as he sounds, it'll likely be an improvement!

Shauna said...

ROTFL! Oh, to see her face when she opens it! I'm thinkin' she'll be secretly pleased, even if she protests.

Sizzle said...

you brave, brave man. ;)

your friends sound fun.

Brooke said...

Being as that my old blog was called "Raunchy Talk" I am duly impressed.

Josephine Damian said...

I once saw glass *toys* that you could heat up by putting in a bowl of hot water, and later put it in the dishwasher to clean :-O, and you could buy it online. Maybe a quick click would have been the easiest way to buy a fake _____ !

Josephine Damian said...

PS: Luv the bros before hoes T-shirt!

Anonymous said...

Beating Around The Bush. Nice Pun.

Lana Gramlich said...

*ROFL* I thought it was going to be too much info, but it turned out to be just enough. The Music Box sounds like a very interesting place!

Lana Gramlich said...

Side note; A great name for a sex shop would be "F*cking Stuff" (if it weren't illegal.)

alex keto said...

In Washington DC, those sorts of things walk around town all over the place. But we call them politicians or lawyers up here.

Sherry said...

ROFL!!! You rock to do that for a friend!!! :)

SmartlikeStreetcar said...

In my neck of the woods, it's called Venus Envy, and it's a great shop for women and the people who love them, as their slogan goes.

Good for you!

Oh... and you've been tagged. Hope you don't mind!

Appletini said...

The Music Box sounds like a MUCH better idea than the nasty truck stop place. Good thinking :)

Charles Gramlich said...

I thought there was some depravity going on. Now I know. ;)

cher said...

ok, i'm not convinced that such a place exsists in a old elevator. i need photographic evidence. but this post was awesome.
at first i thought you were going to share about some crazy key party you have with a solid bunch of friends and safe words, but i was pleasantly surprised.
oh, and that last t-shirt is awesome

Mom In Scrubs said...

'Round here it's a place in the middle of a corn field. Though not its real name, it is widely referred to "Porn in the Corn."

I must say, though, five inches? Isn't that a little skimpy? We're talking fantasy sex here!

angel, jr. said...

Those little stores fascinate me. I'm embarassed to be in there alone, so I only go when I've got a friend with me. This way I don't look so lonely.

Chris Eldin said...

I agree--just enough info without going overboard :-)

I think it's a great present, fwiw!!

Design Goddess said...

I think it's wonderful that your group of friends is rallying around her. Even if she really doesn't see it now, when she looks back, she'll know that she would never have gotten through that period without you all! So, you did a great service to your friend by taking your wife and the other friend to the "store."

Penelope said...

That is just too funny.

-- P

Bubblewench said...

nice choice. She'll love it.