Wednesday, May 21, 2008

A Bit O'Booty

Yesterday, I blogged about the contest literary agent Nathan Bransford is putting on. Thre are well over 400 entries so the competition is stiff. The contest centers around dialogue and I did submit an entry, though I had to tweak the scene a bit to make it fit within his mandated 250 word count. Since it has been a while since I posted a snippet of my writing except for the Two Line Tuesdays I thought I'd post the scene here as it now reads in my work in progress.

I'll warn you their is a bit of colorful language that might offend those with virginal eyes. This scene come early in th novel and is a gathering of a group pf car salesman and the their boss Junior who only recently inherited the dealership from his father. This comes from my modern day pirate novel Plundered Booty. The novel spans form the red dirt of Oklahoma to the white sands of the Caribbean as the reader will find out there is more than one kind of plundered booty. The entire novel is told through the eyes of first person narrator, Hank "The Captain" Zybeck. My aim is to have the narrator seemingly be telling the story top the reader so it is a bit intrusive compared to most novels. Sort of in the style Holden Caulfield narrates Catcher In The Rye. Only Hank is a honest but naive, good ol' boy as opposed to a whiny, rebellious rich kid. The novel is meant to be humorous, sort of a blend between a Jimmy Buffet song and a Kinky Freidman novel.
Rex tilted his head to one side and studied the applicants. “Where’d they come from?”

I posted flyers at the community college and one down at Luanne’s School of Beauty.” Junior slung his arm around Rex’s shoulder. “One or two more ought to show back up, but y’all can start interviewing now.”

Rex stepped away from the boss. “You’re telling me you never met these girls before?”

Never laid eyes on them until this morning, but I got a wallet full of hundreds says I can lay more than that on any one of ‘em by week’s end.”

"So we,” Frank made a circular motion with his finger, “Choose who you hire, and then we’re gonna bet on who can nail her first?”

"That’s right, Sherlock.” Junior smiled. “Sherlock. I like the ring of that.” Already Junior had dubbed me Captain, and J.J. John Juan. No doubt Frank had just earned the nickname Sherlock.

"I’d kept quiet until this point, but one question came to mind, so I cleared my throat and said, “What are we supposed to tell them if they ask about being in the TV commercials?”

"Tell them that will be up to me,” Junior said.

"Oh, no!” Rex spun around. “Girls like that are whores when it comes to getting on television. They’d all hop in bed with you right now with that option on the table.”

"Hey, I have to tell them something. Who the hell wants a job answering phones and putting up with horny old car salesmen?” The boss laughed and slapped Dave on the back.

"Give us two weeks head start before you move in.” Rex had gone back to ogling the applicants. Now there were five.

"Why should I agree to that?”

"Because. You’re the boss and that gives you an advantage.”

"One work week.”

"Come on, Junior,” Rex said. “They know you have all the power. And look at your competition. Dave is so sleazy repulses ninety-eight percent of women. J.J. knows his wife would castrate him and hang his balls on her rosary, so he’s too scared to even try. Frank plays the banjo. What more can I say? And Captain … well we both know he couldn’t pull any pussy if he had a wagon full of cats.”

Junior grinned. “Throw Ol’ Captain in the ring and you might be surprised what he can do.”

To make matters clear, I said, "I’m not playing.”

"Don’t be so eager to push the dinner plate away. You might take a fancy to one of those ladies out there and decide you’d like a taste.”

"Not me. I’m not much of a gambler.”

"Then he should pick the girl,” Dave said, but thankfully no one else seemed to have heard.

The boss turned back to Rex. “Seven calendar days.”

"Eight,” Rex countered.

"Fine, eight days, even though it’s going to cost me. It only took God six to create the world. Any man with half a brain and a set of testicles ought to be able to score in half as many.”

And that my friends is how the tradition started. The rules remained true, right up until Eva arrived.



Good or bad, I'd love to hear what you think so drop me a comment.

9 comments:

Merry Monteleone said...

"well we both know he couldn’t pull any pussy if he had a wagon full of cats.”

That's awesome!!! The only criticism, besides a few typos, is that I couldn't get a feel for the characters because there were too many of them in such a short span of time... but I'm assuming this is a bit later in the book, after the reader's already met them.

huddlekay said...

I want to read more!!! I loved it so far. I like the dialogue. Very believable!

ChrisEldin said...

Nathan's a great agent, and a great guy for holding these contests, but our tastes are soooo very different.
The dialogue vignettes that were chosen did nothing for me (all of them--zilch) I hope I don't offend anyone, but this field is very subjective, isn't it?

Now your dialogue, I do really like. It has much more spark and energy than the ones that made it to the finals. And I'm not just saying that. I liked Bernita's too. And there was one that I absolutely loved and I sent that person an email saying so.

I don't know how to do a contest like this any differently. But it's nice to see the variety out there.

Lana Gramlich said...

I love it! Good luck with the contest. :)

Ello said...

Wait a minute - man, half a brain, set of testicles - isn't this an oxymoron? ;o) just kidding.

I have to say that last part was pretty hysterical! I felt like I could hear these guys talking!

Charles Gramlich said...

I like this. It definitely characterizes the individuals, and the Captain comes off looking pretty good compared to some of the others. It certainly has the ring of authenticity.

Terrie Farley Moran said...

I love the premise and the dialogue in this scene. and I want to know what happens when Eva arrives.

Terrie

alex keto said...

After a beer, I couldn't write my name much less anything worth reading

~ruthie said...

it has the same premise as a movie that i just saw, "national lampoon presents cattle call" about three guys who set up fake auditions to find women to hook up with.

i'm embarassed to say that i watched it--but it was the boyfriends night to pick the movie.