Wednesday, July 9, 2008

B.S. Is a Terrible Thing To Waste

On the heels of my post last week about things I don't get about women I have another one. though I'm not for certain if this particular oddity is a widespread habit of an entire gender or simply a habit of my wife's.

I like to think of myself as a good dad . i am involved in all aspects of my boys life with maybe the exception of religious pursuits, but even there I can serve as a bad example if nothing else. Along with the important functions and messages such as -- drugs are bad, stay in school, don't lie unless you call it fiction and try to peddle it to an editor.

Then there are the unwritten Dadly duties and lessons. Pull my finger, the proper way to make flatulent nosies with your armpit, trips to wrestling matches, the best way to blow up Army men with an M-80 firecracker. these are all father's God given rights and for all you dead beat dad's you are the ones missing out by not getting to share these things with your child whether you have sired a boy or girl.

One of these great experiences is B.S. ing you offspring. You know the old standard stuff about having to walk uphill to school both way in four feet of snow. Of course a good story teller of a dad comes up with much more entertaining, outlandish, and varied stories than that. I like to think of myself in that category.

Sometimes when my boys are hanging around inside and riving me crazy I send them off on a bit of a snipe hunt. You see I invented this mythical creature called a Gooblie. For a while my boys believed in the Gooblie.

They asked me questions and I would describe it. It's is lizardlike in body with soft white fur like a pet store bunny. It lives mostly in pine trees, of which we have four in the backyard. It loves to be petted, but will only come out of you sit quietly underneath a pine tree and wait for it to come down to you. Gooblies hide behind pine cones and can't be seen unless you are real quiet. Sometimes it takes hours.

And then like all of my finer stories my wife says, "Don't let you Dad tell you things like that. There is no such thing as a Gooblie. He's just pulling your leg."

That's right she just cut the legs right out from under my finely honed creation as she has countless others. Nowadays when I get to really going the boys will look to her and say, "Really Mom?" At which point she will shake her head and then will say "Uh uh, Dad. You're just trickin' us."

My question is this. Does your wife do this? If you are a wife do you block your husband's BS? And then i gotta ask why? Let us have our fun.

38 comments:

yellowdog granny said...

hell, if i could have got my boys to go sit out under a pine tree for a couple of gooblies I'd have let them play guitars and do impressions..i did have my 2 sons convinced that i was a witch and could turn them into frogs..but they outgrew that...

WordVixen said...

My SIL and I were the ones telling fibs to my neice and nephew. Growing up, my Dad made up the BS, and mom would say "if your father said it, then it must be true", except when I asked if I was adopted and she said yes. Which I believed. Until the neighbor lady told mom that I believed her, at which point she said "If you ask a silly question, expect a silly answer".

No kids yet, but I suspect that I'll be the BSer with hubby playing hero.

Charles Gramlich said...

Oh definitely, BSing your kids is a sacred duty. I used to do these kinds of things with Josh all the time. At first he bought 'em all, but now he just humors me. Still, we have fun. He's an adult now, 21, and I think he remembers these things with fondness. To my exes credit, she never cut me off at the knees while I was BSing. At least not in front of me.

preTzel said...

Mr. must have missed that course in Dad - school because I'm the big BSer in this house. Of course Mr. is so serious he couldn't BS someone to save his life because he doesn't believe in joking around.

Last night he impressed me though. Teen asked Mr. if he was on vacation because he hadn't been going to work and Mr. normally doesn't take vacation until August and Mr. said "No, I got fired. I'm looking for job for now. I'm hoping you can help us out when you get paid until I get back to work." That was a good one. Until I fucked it up. Teen came in and whispered "Mom, did Dad get fired?" I said "Fired from what?" That blew his BS right there.

Now I was disconnected from what was going on around me because I was painting to distract myself from the Epic Post I wrote last night about suicide but if I had been connected I would have gone along with it to see how much money we could fleece Teen out of. LOLOL!

Gooblies. Good one Trav.

Janna Qualman said...

The four of us like to fib each other. The best part is, my girls have learned to distinquish truths from those just-having-fun moments, and it's neat we can all share in it. :)

Robin said...

I love that---gooblies! I want a gooblie...

I told my "girls" (my best friend gave birth but I claim them) all kinds of BS, they're passing it on to their step niece with a wink at me...I couldn't be more proud!

I tell my stepson who is now 14 it is our job, nay, our obligation, to screw up their heads so that they will get their money's worth out of future therapy.

Does you wife support Santa Clause, the tooth fairy, and the perfect man? Would hate to blow that up!

I still try to put salt on a birds tail so I can catch it...totally bought that one and it entertained me for hours while giving my parents a break!

Packsaddle said...

*wipes tear*

Now, wait just a minute....

*sniff*

You mean, Gooblies do NOT really exist?

*sniff*

Is THAT what you're telling us, man?

holly said...

nine times out of ten, i'm my husband's team mate in the leg-pulling department. HOWEVER one time, in hawaii, he had our 3yo daughter so convinced that the round top of a building was a spaceship and that one day they'd travel together to the moon. she told me every day that they were going to do it. and one day i said "what about me?"
"no."

oh really?!
so i said one day "look girl, that is a look-out room. it's not a spaceship."

then she said "it's NOT it's NOT it's a spaceship! my daddy tell me it is and you're not coming!"

yes, after all the spoiling and toy-buying and unlimited hugging and BIRTHING DON'T FORGET THE BIRTHING, i didn't get to come to the moon. so i felt fine ruining that.

i'm a beotch that way.

Robin said...

(holding packsaddle) I know, I know dear...it's okay.

Gooblie's are real honey, they are...

See that pine tree over there?

(LOL...you are too cute!)

spyscribbler said...

Awww, now, you're right. BS is a terrible thing to waste. You'll just have to work harder at suspending disbelief. If you can fool your wife, you know you can fool an agent. ;-)

polkadotwitch said...

my hubby and i are both big B.S.ers. we're a team. (B.S. is terrific for kids' imaginations)

Joshua said...

being single, i have heard stories of wives doing this. Until now I thought it just an urban legend, told at night around a camp fire to scare men. Looks like this horror story is true, god save up all! :) lol

Stephen Parrish said...

My wife used to blow my stories too, insisting rice wasn't baby worms, ketchup wasn't squished red bugs, etc. With fatherhood come certain responsibilities, and mothers just need to back off and let us do our jobs.

the walking man said...

The abuse of a mans parenting technique is hardwired into the woman. It makes the man have to be more clever, if the woman can be sucked in...all the better.

Steph said...

Are you kidding!? I'm the one telling those stories to my boyfriend's nieces and I'd bet my last dollar that my boyfriend believes them more than the kids do.

That'd be a terrible thing to have someone around to spoil my fun. Just the other night I had the BF convinced that a nisse (Norwegian elf-like creature) was following me while I was walking the dog.

Guess that's just what happens when you mix a really gullible sort of chap with a compulsive liar--erm, fiction writer.

DrillerAA said...

Messing with your child's mind is a natural part of parenting. When they get to be teens, they're certainly going to mess with yours. You might want to get involved in his religious pursuits. If he sees that it is important to you, it will become important to him. After all, you are the example to him of what is important in life. Just sayin'. Have a great day and continue to enjoy the offspring.

Clair Dickson said...

Oh, man the gooblies bit was pure genius! I bet they would have sat out there, leaving you in peace, for quite some time!

I'm going to have to remember that.

My husband's not much good at BS, but then, I am the writer in the house.

sex scenes at starbucks said...

I'm pretty sure the bsing works the other way in my house. The other day, my daughter hid her friend and had her mom and me in fits. She was looking us RIGHT IN THE EYE and LYING TO OUR FACES. "I don't know where she is. I haven't seen her."

That's all she said, besides looking at US like WE were the crazy ones.

And she's only 6.

Crystal Phares said...

Hubby and I are a team. We don't have kids, but we bs everyone! In-laws, clerks at Wal-Mart (poor people). It only takes us a split second to fall into some weird story and we pretty much feed off of each other after that. Great fun! Someday, when we do have kids, though, I'm afraid he will be the one cutting off my bs. He already does it to me with the neighbors kids.

deborah elliott-upton said...

I'm kinda the one in my family, too. Maybe it's a writer's imagination thing. My little one saw pygmies on a TV special and wanted to go to Africa to see them. He was 3 and had no concept of time, so I kept saying, "We'll do that tomorrow." He was happy with that, but he kept asking everyday. One day his pre-school teacher told me I was going to have to stop because he kept telling all the other kids we were going to Africa "tomorrow." Every day they'd ask if we'd gone yet and he'd say, "No, we're doing that tomorrow." I may have messed him up with my own procrastination tendencies. I think we are bad, but it's kinda fun.

Katrina said...

My husband has never told a lie, a fib or joked around. I on the other hand do all three daily. It's just a way of life--isn't it? AND pretty much have taught my boys the same nonsense.. Life is just more fun & I keep telling my husband it makes his life more interesting. He doesn't agree & you'll see why after you read the rest of this.

I have to admit that with 3 boys the BS can run pretty deep sometimes. A couple years ago I got a "taste of my own medicine" as my husband said. The boys & Dad were all out in our shop & I was laying on the couch--one of the boys came in and said "Dad broke his foot."
I didn't even move--"Um-hum yeah right." and I turned up the TV.

A few minutes later--Dad came in and said "You know where the crutches are?"
I hollered "in the garage--get them yourself." and turned up the TV more.
He hobbled out to the garage and got the crutches & came back in, "Can you take me to the ER?"
Well...I turned around to look and darn it he had broke his foot!
The loving wife with the bizarre sense of humor! Strike one!

Goobies, gremlins, snipes RULE!!!
Life is just dull if you can't make up fictional tales. Right?

Stacy said...

Your wife owes the gooblies an apology.

Clare2e said...

I, too, am a big B.S.er of the nieces and nephew who've all become jaundiced to my crafty wiles. It's okay though. I'm happy to see the maturation of their critical faculties. Besides, I just raise my game... Don't they know I lie for (not much of a) living?

Shamelessly Sassy said...

I don't block my husbands BS. I find it rather hilarious. PS. that Gooblie idea was GENIUS. I might be using it with my child in the future.

AA said...

Don't have kids, but if Sarah were the mother, she'd totally back me. It's gonna be great. :D

Jerseygirl89 said...

Hmmm, I try not to ruin hubby's (and my dad's) BS, but there must be a particular expression I get on my face because now my daughter looks at me and will then decide if they're full of it. But I swear I'm not trying!

J. L. Krueger said...

My wife tries not to block the BS...if she recognizes it in time. I have to be careful when it is medical BS because since she is a nurse, she tends to react and shoot the BS down before she realizes what she's doing.

Most other times she's gotten pretty good at the "expressionless expression".

So I guess I'm lucky in that regard.

pattinase (abbott) said...

I absolutely did the same thing. Somehow you feel irresponsible as a mother to let any untruth remain unaddressed. My husband did it and I corrected every myth I came across. Now I'd probably be looser, but then... That's how I came to answer the question,"Is there a Santa," truthfully when my children were far too young for the truth. I am legend because of that mistake.

March to the Sea said...

i think if the made up animal were to scare them I'd cut it off easy enough. I like to get em all wide eyed and worried tho..hehehehe

Melissa Marsh said...

Y'know, it depends on what the BS is. And of course I can't think of a good example right now, but I admit it - I sometimes interfere with hubbby's BSing ability. But he does it ALL THE TIME. Maybe I just get irritated by it. ;-)

rubytuesdays said...

The Gooblies? PURE ABSOLUTE GENIOUS! I am going to use it on every kid I ever come across!

Lana Gramlich said...

I don't think I do this...I tend to be in the catagory of "likes to put kids' heads through" also...but I never had kids, so it's never really come up, I guess.

Jennifer said...

I'm afraid moms have a god-given right to be spoil sports.

:-)

Balance, yanno.

Sam

Annie said...

As a lil wifey I support my husbands bs...as long as he supports mine :)

Patti said...

again, i know this will put me in the minority, but i played along when boy was little. i knew our days of bsing would end soon, so why the hell not.

now, if the bsing put me in a weirdo light, i chopped his legs right the hell off. so there was that...

Barrie said...

Eek. Ack. Another parenting worry. I haven't provided my children with a properly bs'ing dad!

Barbara Martin said...

My partner isn't into BSing anything, and my parents didn't either. However, my oldest brother was proficient at BSing through his childhood and into adult life. He wears it like a shirt.

I like the idea of your Gooblies Travis.

Mom In Scrubs said...

I absolutely cracked up at this post. I grew up knee-deep in BS, and i am an expert at it myself. My dad used to take us to a farm implement store called Big Bear. We grew up convinced that there was a bear in there that was always in the next aisle over. We stuck to my dad like glue in that store, and kept quiet so the bear wouldn't know there were kids nearby!

Amazingly JeepMan didn't have BS in his life at all, yet he seems to have it as a dominant gene - or pure instinct. We're a great team!

I DO cut it off if it goes too far, which involves the kids getting overly freaked out. But it doesn't happen often.

I love your Gooblies! In my house we have an Oogly-Boogly.