"Things ain't what they used to be."
A word of caution. Uttering the above phrase is one of the signs of old age. I can't tell you how many times I've rolled my eyes as some old-timer used those words to launch into a spiel about his old '64 Ford that lasted 27 years and three hundred thousand miles.
Sure those old cars and trucks were made out of actual metal. Sure they could survive numerous fender benders that nowadays total the plastic and fiberglass vehicles we drive. But those old jalopies also got 7 miles to the gallon and had the maneuverability of a fat kid playing dodgeball.
however this post isn't about fat kids or cars for that matter. Rather it's about my own bitch and gripe about things not being what they used to be.
But I'm not railing about cars, electronics, or some other shoddy merchandise offered in this modern time. I'm griping about something that really sucks these days ... straws.
The decline in quality straws is the plague of fast food establishments. Remember when McDonalds had those really thick straws? The ones that would collapse no matter how hard you sucked on that shake? Nowadays you're damn lucky if you can get your straw out of its thin paper wrapper without bending and breaking it.
Taco Bell is the worse. The other day it took me three tries to find a straw that didn't already have a slit in the side. Come one people I can survive on hamburger patties so thin you can read through them, I can even tolerate stale tortillas and runny hot sauce, but I don't wanna have to daintily sip my Dr. Pepper through a straw so thin that Trojan should start making their prophylactics out of it. Ultra-sensitive condoms I get, but a straw doesn't require the same level of feeling.
I'm pleading with you straw makers. Bring back the quality control. Thicker really is better.
I'm sure all of you think I've lost my mind and probably I have. And while I am getting crotchety and acting more like an old man all the time I do remember one time when the great straw crisis (as only I am calling it) was even worse than today's. When was that you ask?
Of all the stupid notions in the world none is dumber than the concept of paper straws. Remember those? Really they were like paper mache straws. Not quite cardboard but a bit thicker than regular paper. Nevertheless they would be all soggy and limp before you finished your carton of milk. (good thing I didn't use the condom analogy here) Did other schools in other parts of the country have those straws? do you know what I'm talking about. Heck you couldn't even use them to shoot a good spitball.
Back when I was in elementary school the only thing worse than the straw was the tiny little scraps of square toilet paper. It took about a jillion to do any good and while they were as thin as tissue paper they were as rough as as a sixty year old barmaids voice.
Yes, this post has turned into a general rant, but I'm still a bit grouchy after my crappy week.
Anybody else having trouble with straws. Got any bad memories of elementary school? Other products that ain't what they used to be?