Here it is Saturday afternoon and I'm supposed to be at Homer's Backyard Ball, hanigng out with friends and listening to this great lineup of music.
ELEVEN HUNDRED SPRINGS
CASEY BERRY AND THE LIVE TEXAS MOSQUITOS
TOMMY GALLAGER BAND
But now, mother nature decided to make this one of the five days a year we actually get rain. So while I'm waiting for the weather to clear let me spread my good cheer and write about a few other things that bug me.
These phrases need to go the way of the payphone and become extinct, or at the very least very rare.
I just puked a little in my mouth - This might have been funny once upon a time in the right context, like gathered around a keg, but 99% it is simply gross and falls in the too much information category. What's next? I just crapped a little in my pants?
Don't make me open a can of whoop ass And if you have a bumper sticker or t-shirt with this printed on it you are a double doofus. Tis my experience the more elaborately some one threatens you the least likely it is they have the cajones to actually back up their words. And this phrase screams redneck on top of everything else. Besides, the threat of a can of vegetables is enough to scare me off.
I had another phrase in mind but it escapes me now so moving along to other peeves.
Swine Flu - Just like mad cow disease, the bird flu, the hanti-virus spread by mice, and West Nile from mosquito's the aporkalypse has been highly overblown. I'm not saying these inflictions cannot be serious but there is no reason for hysteria either. Wash you hands people but don't go ape shit crazy thinking the world is gonna end tomorrow because the animals are seeking revenge after years of us eating them. If that were the case I'd be public enemy #1. I just wonder what animal related disease is next. I'm pulling for goat gonorrhea because it will be lots of people explain how they caught that one.
American Idol - I know lots of you are fans and I do realize the show has discovered lots of truly talented singers that may not have been discovered otherwise, but I can't stomach the show. I've only seen bits and pieces for the last several years and it's always the same. Simon speaks the truth, albeit harshly and the crowd boos and Paula gets all up in arms and the two of them bicker back and forth in an attempt to upstage the singers. The monotony is broken up by questions of Ryan Seacrest's masculinity.
Mainstream Radio - Country or pop it doesn't matter. It's all commercial and repetitive and too bland for my liking. Satellite radio is my savior for fresh new tunes and performers willing to buck the record executives and actually create music that sings to the soul. But apparently even mother nature has sold out the the corporations and now is stifling my chance at some good live music.
See, I told y'all I was grouchy.