Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Hark The Hairy Angels

So there I was. The steaks were ready after having marinated the better part of the day. The Shiner Bock was cold. I had my flip-flops and shorts on and withing a few minutes the savory aroma of grilling meat would be filling my nostrils. I even had the horseshoe poles set up to occupy my time while the steaks cooked.

Did I mention I got an awesome new grill for Father's Day? Actually I got it a week or so before Father's Day but the timing is irrelevant. What's important is that I've been grilling a variety of meat every night since. Steaks, shrimp, chicken, salmon, porkchops, tilapia. And it's all been pretty dang tasty if I do say so myself.

Back to the tale ... The steaks were ready, the beer was cold, the horseshoe battle was ready to commence.

I fired up the grill grabbed my beer and began battling my buddy for horseshoe supremacy while the grill got hot. My new grill has an infrared burner so I only tossed the shoes a couple of times before heading over to toss the meat on.

That's when I discovered I'd committed the ultimate grilling sin. I'd ran out of propane. And yeah I know actual wood and charcoal grilled food tastes better but I love the convenience and speed of gas. Besides a water pan with wood chips can more than compensate for the lost flavor.

This new grill used gas way faster than my old one so I wrongly assumed I was good on propane, but now I had to strike out and buy some gas or face certain starvation. Now the Chevron station I usually go to for propane was already closed so I headed to a different place. While I waited in line I sent a twitter message that read, "Need more propane for my grill. Where's Hank Hill when you need him?"

So imagine my amusement when I stepped up to the counter and read the guy's name badge. Sure enough his last name was Hill. No, not Hank, but I feel certain this propane and propane accessory salesman had to at least be related to the King of The Hill star.

Oh but he fun didn't stop there. While we are walking outside to the large propane tank I notice this guy has a fairly large tattoo covering the back of his calf.

Now I got nothing against tattoos. Someday, when I sell a novel, I'm even going to get one to celebrate the event. But sometimes I look at a tattoo and my first thought is .... what the hell was this guy thinking. My second though was ... Oh, this will make a great blog.

So very inconspicuous I got out my cell phone, lowered it to my side and snapped several shots of the guy's legs. Oh the crap I will do to entertain you people.



The above shot is the best of the lot, but even it does not do the body art justice. Yes that is an angel's bare ass? Why? I don't know. And besides being a tad bit wider than I would imagine an angel's backside to be there was one other thing about the tatt that kind of freaked me out. Sadly that feature did not come through in the photo.

This ink was on a guy's leg. A guy with hairy legs. So covering that angel derriere were lots of curly little black hairs giving her buttocks a very woolly appearance. Now I'm not a big advocate of men shaving their legs but if this fella really wanted a bar butted angel on his calf he could have done a tad of manscaping and at least plucked the hairs sprouting from each of her cheeks.

But don't worry, I got my propane, cooked the steaks, and not even the memory of a hairy-hammed angel was enough to deter my appetite.

27 comments:

the walking man said...

But Travis you're only assuming Mr. Hills angel was female. You say the derriere depicted was bit larger than you would prefer and it was covered in hair...did you ask him if perhaps he was a fan of "One Word, One Rung, One Day?"

dizzblnd said...

Yay for the new grill! That's always exciting. When you said you ran out of propane, The King of the Hill theme song filled my head. So I laughed extra hard when you posted your tweet. Did you ask him if his first name was Hank or did you figure he had heard it a million times and let it slide?

I would have been grossed out by hte hairy wide assed angel myself.. blech!

Hilary said...

Too funny. I have to wonder what Mr. Hill would think had he seen you snapping photos of his leg.

It's too bad that your new tank goes through propane so quickly. A number of years ago, I got into the habit of having a back-up tank filled and ready. It works as long as we remember to refill the first one at some point soonish. :)

Corey Wilde said...

I knew a guy had a bare-breasted hula dancer on his calf. When he flexed, she hula'd. But same problem with the leg hair. She looked like something from a Salvador Dali sketch.

Melanie Avila said...

ROFLMAO!!!

I can truly say I didn't expect to read about a fat-assed, hairy angel this morning.

texlahoma said...

I swear before you mentioned Hank Hill I was going to comment something about him and propane and propane accessories! I'm with you on cooking with gas, it's the only way to go.
Steaks, beer, horseshoes you got it goin' on man.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

The real Hank Hill would never have a tattoo. Or engage in manscaping, for that matter.

Kristen Painter said...

That is just...wow. There really aren't words.

Ello said...

OH my GOD that is so funny! I didn't even mean to read or comment today as I am absolutely brainless and not handling it well, but that post was too funny! A hairy big butted angel? Seriously - that is too hysterical!!!

B.E. Sanderson said...

ROFL! I'm constantly amazed at what people will put on their bodies, but that takes first prize. Wow.

Eric said...

I do have a couple tattoos myself. One is on my chest, depicting Superman standing in front of The Hulk. Unfortunately, there is a bit of hair around their feet, but I just explain it away that they're standing in a grassy meadow.

I can't imagine getting a butt naked angel on my calf either. And yeah, a hairy butt naked angel is really pushing it. But hey, whatever works for ya. Thanks for the laugh, Travis.

sybil law said...

Maybe he LIKES hairy butts. Ever think of that?!
Ew.
Okay. Nevermind.
And Happy belated Father's Day!
(The grill is really a gift for mom, too - less cooking!!)

EriCan said...

Hilarious!

And here I thought you were going to talk about some existential dilemma!

Congrats on the new grill!

Erica

Charles Gramlich said...

Dude, you think wayyyyy too much about tattoos.

Avery DeBow said...

Ah, the joys of poorly-conceived ink. Take it as a lesson learned for your future tattoo design.

Teresa said...

ROFL!! Loved the picture of the hairy-assed angel. Your posts are too funny.

Melissa Marsh said...

I love that you took a picture of it. Ha!!!

Annie said...

Congrats on the grill and you'll need to spill the beans on grilling talipia on a grill - we are clueless over here.

The problem with tats...hairy or skin sag...ew!

laughingwolf said...

lol... long live the freaks and hairies! :P

Miriam S.Forster said...

HAHAHAHA....

I almost didn't read the whole post. My mind went into daydream mode at the mention of steak.

mmmm... steak.

lyzzydee said...

Well it takes all sorts, I just had a chuckle at the thought of you trying to secretly take the shot!!!

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angel, jr. said...

There is nothing like a grilled steak, whether gas or wood chips or whatever. That is some good eating!!

Does this guy know you were taking pictures of his leg?

Bubblewench said...

omg... Sometimes I just read the first two sentences of your posts and just start shaking my head cause I KNOW it's gonna be a nutso one!

Yeah on the grill! And MEAT! MEAT! MEAT!

pattinase (abbott) said...

Sometimes there is a good story in every trip you take. I saw an ordinary man today waling down the street carrying a pair of women's high heels in his hand. There were not new shoes and there is no shoe repair store around. What was his mission.

Cloudia said...

You are an alchemist: turning dreck and hairy angel butts into gold!
Aloha, Travis

Jennifer said...

Very funny, Travis!