Those Meddlin' Rednecks

Pop culture in nothing more than flotsam and jetsam, floating in and out on the tide of public opinion. Tickle Me Elmo dolls, parachute pants, Spuds MacKenzie, and a whole slew of other fads have rode the waves of popularity only to eventually sink to the murky depths of nostalgia.

I have surfed along with the masses a few times in my life, but for the most part I'm a contranarian and shun the so-called in-thing. On occasion, some idiotic things catches on that grates on my very last nerve. So much so that every time I see it I can't help but question the intelligence of those who choose to float in that boat. And one such trend is the pissing Calvin.



I'm talking about this guy in case you are blind and have misses the plethora of stickers bearing the likeness of the urinating comic character. The victim of Calvin's stream varies and can be anything from a sports team, brand of automobile, Government Agency, or political party. Yesterday I spotted one of the decals on the back of a pickup. There was the peeing C-man tinkling away on the name Osama Bin Laden.

One word came to my mind. Asinine.

What's the point? To let your fellow drivers know you don't like the terrorist? call me stupid, but I thought that was pretty much a given among all Americans. Maybe Pickup Paul was hoping to raise Osama's ire and draw him out of hiding? Maybe Pickup Paul knows what the G-Men do not. All this time the leader of the Taliban has been hiding here in Amarillo, Texas biding his time. Why i bet he's making a living as the front man in ZZ Top impersonation band.

All these years, Osama has been right here in Texas, hiding under Ol' W's nose, playing guitar licks in local bars and hatching his next murderous scheme. I can see it now.

Osama is on his way to Boot Scootin' Boogie's to play a set when he idles up to a red light and there is Pickup Paul. The very sight of Calvin pissing on his name finally causes Osma to snap and fore go years of patiently hiding. Jamming his Hyundai in park (you didn't expect Osama to drive an American car did you?) Bin Laden yanks Pickup Paul out of his truck and commences to thrash him, but other motorists intervene to help and when they cops arrive they find a turban and aerial photos of Pantex inside the glove box of his Hyundai. (Pantex is Amarillo's local nuclear disarmament plant)

As they handcuff Osama and haul him away, he'll mutter in true Scooby-Do style, "And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for that meddling redneck."