Saturday, August 29, 2009

Winners and Losers

And the winners are ...

For accuracy -- milbernfamily

And for entertainment value -- Clare2E

Thanks to everyone who played along.

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Let's talk about misnomers. There are a lot of misleading names out there.

Bed Bath and Beyond.

Do they sell beds?

No.

Baths?

No.

Beyonds?

What the hell is a beyond?

I poised these very same questions to my wife and she said the title is because they sell bed STUFF, bath STUFF, and Stuff for beyond the Bedroom and bathroom. So I ask, Why not call the joint Bed Stuff, Bath Stuff, and The Stuff Beyond.

Jennifer merely rolled her eyes as usual and replied with, because their was already a place called, Linen's and Things.

Since the beyond portion seems to be mostly kitchen stuff I think I will from this day on call the place ... Sleep Crap and Eat.

Let's move on. Fantasy Football. I like Fantasy Football. I've played in the same league for nearly two decades and the endeavor combines three of my favorite pastimes. Gambling, Football, and the thrill of competition. But Fantasy Football is the wrong term.

Oh I got fantasies but none of them involve sitting around a room with a bunch of other men discussing who the Oakland Raiders plan to start at wide receiver this year, or the impact of Brettt Favre's re-re- retirement. Matter of fact the only way any of my fantasies and football could ever blend together is if Gwen Stefanie assumes the center position and I get to play quarterback. Trust me in that scenario there would be no snaps from the shotgun position. No siree every play would originate with my hand up under the center. And if fantasy and football really went together then tight end would be every one's favorite position.

From this day forward I will only refer to the competition previously known as fantasy football as D.A.F.T - Dudes Analyzing Football Teams.

26 comments:

Teresa said...

This post is soo funny! Do you really crap in your bath???

I like your acronym for fantasy football.

writtenwyrdd said...

A little humor with the snark today. I also love the acronym. :)

David said...

I gave up on trying to make sense of such store names long ago. They're clearly not aimed at guys.

Unlike sensible names, such as Ace Hardware or Checker Auto Parts. Straightforward, logical names for the straightforward, logical sex.

Natasha Fondren said...

DAFT, I love it! ROFL!

You know, if you made it, Slept, Crapped, Ate, & Trashed (well, they do sell cleaning supplies and trash cans...), then the acronym would be SCAT.

Natasha Fondren said...

^ David, up there... logical? What does checkers have to do with auto parts? And cards, with hardware?

;-)

David said...

Oh, Natasha, such non sequiturs!

That's just like a woman.

(There aren't enough comments on this post. Time to get things going.)

Clare2e said...

I'm psyched to have won, though a little sad that I think it could have been a consolation prize for a contest of one, since so many people knew the REAL answers. Nonetheless, I take it as a sign that the universe knew I was going to appreciate the book, and I surely will!

...As to the rest, when I think of drill bits and sprinkler heads and other hardware store essentials, I ALWAYS think of WWII flying Aces, or dashing gamblers with 4 or a kind, or champion tennis players' high-velocity serves. Sure I do, and if you think that makes any better sense than girly-store naming, gents, you're purely dreaming on those puffy BB&B pillows.

Janet Ursel said...

Your wife's eyes must really be in shape. They get regular workouts... This was hilarious.

Oh yes, men are straightforward and logical. That's why new cars are advertised with long-legged women draped over the hood. Pure logic. Right.

dizzblnd said...

congrats to the winners!

I think you should write the CEO of BBB and pitch the name change. I LIKE it

Cloudia said...

You are so funny!
You should be a columnist for your local paper - then be syndcated and rich!!

Aloha-

Comfort Spiral

Rebecca said...

Fantasy football has been around for nearly 2 decades?

Charles Gramlich said...

I love football but I don't exactly understand the concept of fantasy football. Or maybe I just don't have the time to waste.

the walking man said...

Guys actually have made a sport out of analyzing other guys playing a sport? And have done so for decades? yes D.A.F.T. is accurate.

Being Beth said...

re: Bed, Bath, and Beyond - I sometimes get tongue tied and this store name is one that trips me up all the time. Mix with that the fact that my name is Beth, and I'm doomed. I can't say it. One night at supper I mentioned I needed to go to BAD BETH and Beyond. My family cracked up and then we were rolling on the floor when my daughter quipped, "Oh we've seen beyond, and it ain't pretty!" I've given up. As far as I'm concerned that store shall forever be called Bad Beth and Beyond.

Beth said...

Re: your football fantasy - amazing what can be done with sports terms!
You have such a way with words - and such a mind!

DrillerAA09 said...

I've been DAFT for twenty years, but I've only been involved in fantasy football for five them.

Monnik said...

Ha! No shotgun position when Gwen's the center... Oh Travis. Good stuff.

Anonymous said...

Gwen Stephanie?

That's your fantasy girl?

Come on bro' surely you can do better.

Kathryn Magendie said...

(I am so sorry you do not have a forehead butt - dang....teeheehee)

Anyway -LAUGHING on the post! :)

Hit 40 said...

My hubby loves bed, bath and beyond. He likes looking at the infomercial crap that the store sells that supposedly you can only buy on tv. I only take him there maybe once a year. If your wife is dragging you there more than this...

demand more kinky sex for a reward.

Frank Baron said...

Gotta accept it Travis: women just have a little problem with logic.

Now, please excuse me while I run away.

Barrie said...

I have a friend who's hooked on DAFT. I'll let her know the new and improved name!

Melissa Marsh said...

HAHAHAHAHA!!! I love it.

angel, jr. said...

Yup, I never understood what the Bed, Bath and Beyond was all about. So I have never been back, since the first time I thought I could buy a bed there.

Phats said...

Shoot I meant to enter the contest I forgot D'OH! Congrats to the winners!

Good post about bed bath and beyond I always think the same as you. Never done fantasy football, I should try it.

Alyssa Goodnight said...

My grandma used to think it was called Bed, Breakfast, and Beyond, which is even more questionable.