Friday, February 19, 2010

Rapping Phallic Vampires

I've been rejected by both agents and editors. I've had critique groups slam me. Even on occasion my wife has remarked she didn't like my latest bit of writing. Every single writer who has ever dared share their work with another human has faced rejection in some form or another. But I dare say few writers have had their work tossed aside because of a talking penis.

Well, I can now lay claim to that humiliation.

One of my beta readers, a 50 year old female whose honest makes her a great reader for me, dealt this gem of an excuse.

"I didn't get your story read because John (her long distance boyfriend) called last night and we talked for two hours. Well actually I wasn't talking to John so much as I was John's penis."

Like I said, this reader is EXTREMELY honest, even when talking about her private life so this wasn't the first time I'd heard details of her sex life. True to her form she then launched into a high pitched British accent so that I could relive her phone conversation which basically amounted to her boyfriend speaking for his junior partner how much her missed her.

So my writing was tossed aside by a penis from the mother country with a high pitched whine.

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In other news both my wife and I donated blood this week as part of Manic Mommy's blogosphere blood drive. The following passage was stolen directly from her blog.

ONE PINT OF YOUR BLOOD WILL SAVE THREE PEOPLE. Some of you have a blood type that can save up to FIVE BABIES. But my mom said it best. Your blood saves more than just three people or five babies. It saves their whole FAMILIES.

There is still time to enter the contest over at her blog. You could win a round trip airline ticket form Southwest Airlines as well as other great prizes.


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I've been groggy all week thanks to my Olympic addiction. I've stayed up far too late each night watching the games and in my net life I want to come back as a world-class curler. To me the sport is the frozen tundra equivalent of pitching horseshoes and I'm already pretty damn good at that to be honest. pitching horseshoes should be a requirement for all citizens of the Lone Star State in humble opinion.

And speaking of the Olympics, is it just me or are those medals freakishly huge this year.















Who designed them? Flavor Flav?

19 comments:

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Yes, those medals are huge but by Gawd, you get your money's worth when you win something in Canada! Word.

Avery DeBow said...

Well, if your beta is going to be that honest about everything, you never have to wonder if she's just being nice. That's refreshing.

All medals should have clocks in them, or timers, or mp3 players. Might as well make them useful as well as decorative.

Crystal Phares said...

Thank you so much Travis. I really needed a laugh today. In college I walked in on my roommate having a conversation with her boyfriend's penis. Unfortunately, he was also in the room. I am scarred for life!

Mark Terry said...

Okay, you win. As far as I know, I've never been dissed by a talking penis.

And I don't want to come back as a curler, but I wouldn't mind coming back to hang out in the hot tub with the women's snowboarding teams. But my wife won't let me.

G said...

I was wondering what those pics were that you posted.

Alas, due to being a diabetic, I cannot donate blood.

However, could you picture the look on the technicians face trying to find a usable vien in my arm?

"And so our stories go..." said...

Say what? Who the hell would say that? Very funny though.
Mary

the walking man said...

Actually the medals can be larger because they are made from recycled electronic use metals. I think they make a statement with their size. Notice to they are not flat.

Too many drugs in my system ongoing to give blood I keep telling them it comes pre-medicated but they always refuse.

Now back to the talking penis---

Aleta said...

OMG, I haven't watched the games, but the medals are huge. Yikes!

And the penis story - had me laughing :)

Mary Witzl said...

I'm a little envious. Although I'm surrounded by honest types myself, they usually say stuff about excess tags or protagonists not acting in character. No one's shared a talking penis.

Sarita Rucker said...

Good for you for donating blood donating blood! :)

That reminds me, I need to schedule my next appointment for donating blood...

Cloudia said...

Flavor Fave...LOL


Aloha, Friend!


Comfort Spiral

Hilary said...

Good reminder about donating blood. It's been a while. Now I must make a phone call. No not that kind of call. I meant to the Canadian Red Cross.

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

thanks for the shoutout travis, always a pleasure to be associated with a good penis story! Thanks also for rolling up the sleeves and sharing your vein. Come on now, I'm keeping it clean!

Thanks to the Mrs. too!

And anyone reading this, if you do donate through Feb, make sure to take your pic and sent it in to me!

alex keto said...

I had a boss at Dow Jones for ten years who was a prick and talked. Didn't seem unusual at that company.

Phats said...

hahahaha flavor flav that's funny! i have been addicted too, which is odd I don't usually get into the winter games this much.

That sucks about your writing, keep going though you'll get it.

Awesome donating blood!! That rocks

DrillerAA09 said...

I believe that the Olympic medals this year were designed by "Flava Flav". Just sayin'.

Constance Marie said...

Rejection's not fun, especially when it comes from a penis.

Lana Gramlich said...

That whole top bit's just TMI, hon. *LOL* Yes, the medals are ridiculous, but then again, I'm not an Olympic supporter, anyway.

Monnik said...

I love playing horseshoes too, and have also been suffering from Olympic lack of shut eye.