Tastes Like George Jones

I like animals. Really I do. And no, I do not mean I like them only when they are grilled and served alongside fried 'taters. My carnivorous eating habits aside I enjoys animals both domestic and wild. I own two dogs, a hamster, and it is rumored the Easter will soon be delivering a red-eared slider to the Erwin household to replace the ill-fated Captain Jack.

Captain Jack was a turtle that the boys found on the road near our old house, but sadly after being their pet for two years he was the lone casualty when our house burned.

But back to me and animals. Like I said I like them. I enjoy seeing and watching animals but, I could never live in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania. No siree, those people are a bit over the top in their love for animals.

I'm sure you have all heard of Punxsutawney Phil. The groundhog that the folks up in PA have decided is Nostradamus and Al Roker all rolled into one. That's too much faith in a critter for me. Like I said I like animals but I ain't about to plan my next 6 weeks based upon the hunch of a fat hairy rodent. Or Al Roker for that matter.

But the townsfolk's lunacy for their furry friends doesn't stop there. To prove it, let me share a little news story I just read with you.


A Pennsylvania man was arrested Thursday for public drunkenness, after he was spotted trying to resuscitate a dead possum alongside the road.

State troopers said one witnesses called in after watching the man perform what appeared to be a seance over the roadkill. A second witness watched the man conduct mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to the marsupial.

Troopers arrived on the scene to find the suspect with his mouth very close to the animals, which had apparently been dead for several days.

As I said, I like animals, but never have I been tooling down the road only to spot a dead armadillo, and suddenly become overcome with enough grief to get out and provide aid to the roadkill. And I realize spring is just now arriving but even with cool temperatures i can't imagine a possum that's been dead for several days smelling very good. And yeah I realize the dude was plastered, but have you ever been that drunk?

Me neither.

Having a few too many and waking up with an ugly chick is one thing. Frenching, what is basically a giant rat, is another. Nope, there simply isn't enough Rum in the world for me to make that mistake.

Hate to think what this drunk man would have done if he'd spotted the town's famed groundhog dead on the side of the road.