What if reality mirrored reality television?
What if you really could vote those who threatened or annoyed you off the island or out of the house?
Makes me wonder if I would make the cut. In some circles yes, but in others my opinionated self would no doubt get sent packing.
Heading into to work this morning I listened to one of my favorites Robert Earl Keen sing these lyrics ...
I don't wear no Stetson
But I'm willin to bet son
That I'm a big a Texan as you are
There's a girl in her barefeet
'Sleep on the back seat
An that trunk is full of Pearl…and Lone Star
Given the fact that I do not wear a Stetson or drink Pearl or Line Star Beer that got me to pondering just how a big a Texan I am.
I am big in the literal sense. Six foot five and creeping ever closer to 300 hundred pounds with every fat greasy hamburger and side of fries I consume. And as everyone knows, EVERYTHING is bigger in Texas, so score one for my level of Texan-ess for being stacked higher and wider than most.
And I do drink Shiner Bock which is brewed right here in the Lone Star State. And I drive a four door Ford pickup. And I eat lots of beef. Like to shoot guns. I can hunt, catch, and dress my own meat. I own a damned nice pair of boots. I share a name with one of the Alamo's fallen heroes. I have tube floated the Guadalupe. Been to Luckenbach. Had a few too many at a Willie concert.
I could go on all day spouting off the Texan in me.
But what about the other list? The things that would get me voted off the island. The unTexan side of me that would spur my Tejas brothers to chase me across the Red River? After pondering for a bit I have come up with a short list of things that if commonly know could get me exiled from the greatest state in the land.
Even if he did make famous an iconic country song bearing the name of my hometown, I consider George Strait nothing more than a pretty face with a marginal voice. Then again I tend to shun singers that write very few of their own songs.
Like most Texans I am a rabid football fan, but ...
I do not root for this team ...
Or this one ..
Or even either of these ...
I am unapologetically a Nebraska Cornhusker and a New Orleans Saints fan.
Want more examples of my state disloyalty?
I did not burn my Dixie Chicks CD's when Natalie Maines dared to speak her opinions aloud.
Matter of fact, I attended a Chicks concert only days after the hullabaloo started. Worse yet, the concert was on enemy soil ... Oklahoma. A double act of treachery in the eyes of most Texans I'm afraid.
And while I'm on the subject, might as well bring up W.
He's got the hat and the accent and most Texans are proud to claim him. I'll even go so far to say he wasn't a bad governor. Certainly better than than the funeral director/car salesman of a leader we have had since the day George Junior vacated office. But other politics aside I began to remind people that George W Bush was born in Connecticut not Texas after his administrations shameful handling of the post Katrina Gulf Coast. When you can't take care of those in need in your own backyard then you are indeed one hell of a piss poor leader.
But there hasn't been a Democrat elected in my county since reconstruction so to even suggest George was anything but a great president is cause for deportation.
And to top it all off I don't own a horse, an oil well, or a belt buckle big enough to eat dinner off of.
But I can two-step, tell a yarn or three, and say y'all with the best of them so I'm gonna keep calling myself a Texan.
Also I've been to all the places mentioned in this song.