Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Willing To Bet Son

What if reality mirrored reality television?

What if you really could vote those who threatened or annoyed you off the island or out of the house?

Makes me wonder if I would make the cut. In some circles yes, but in others my opinionated self would no doubt get sent packing.

Heading into to work this morning I listened to one of my favorites Robert Earl Keen sing these lyrics ...

I don't wear no Stetson
But I'm willin to bet son
That I'm a big a Texan as you are
There's a girl in her barefeet
'Sleep on the back seat
An that trunk is full of Pearl…and Lone Star

Given the fact that I do not wear a Stetson or drink Pearl or Line Star Beer that got me to pondering just how a big a Texan I am.

I am big in the literal sense. Six foot five and creeping ever closer to 300 hundred pounds with every fat greasy hamburger and side of fries I consume. And as everyone knows, EVERYTHING is bigger in Texas, so score one for my level of Texan-ess for being stacked higher and wider than most. 

And I do drink Shiner Bock which is brewed right here in the Lone Star State. And I drive a four door Ford pickup. And I eat lots of beef. Like to shoot guns. I can hunt, catch, and dress my own meat. I own a damned nice pair of boots. I share a name with one of the Alamo's fallen heroes. I have tube floated the Guadalupe. Been to Luckenbach. Had a few too many at a Willie concert. 

I could go on all day spouting off the Texan in me.

But what about the other list? The things that would get me voted off the island. The unTexan side of me that would spur my Tejas brothers to chase me across the Red River? After pondering for a bit I have come up with a short list of things that if commonly know could get me exiled from the greatest state in the land.

Even if he did make famous an iconic country song bearing the name of my hometown, I consider George Strait nothing more than a pretty face with a marginal voice. Then again I tend to shun singers that write very few of their own songs.

Like most Texans I am a rabid football fan, but ...

I do not root for this team ... 

Or this one ..

Or even either of these ...

I am unapologetically a Nebraska Cornhusker and a New Orleans Saints fan.

Want more examples of my state disloyalty? 

I did not burn my Dixie Chicks CD's when Natalie Maines dared to speak her opinions aloud. 

Matter of fact, I attended a Chicks concert only days after the hullabaloo started. Worse yet, the concert was on enemy soil ... Oklahoma. A double act of treachery in the eyes of most Texans I'm afraid.

And while I'm on the subject, might as well bring up W

He's got the hat and the accent and most Texans are proud to claim him. I'll even go so far to say he wasn't a bad governor. Certainly better than than the funeral director/car salesman of a leader we have had since the day George Junior vacated office. But other politics aside I began to remind people that George W Bush was born in Connecticut not Texas after his administrations shameful handling of the post Katrina Gulf Coast. When you can't take care of those in need in your own backyard then you are indeed one hell of a piss poor leader. 

But there hasn't been a Democrat elected in my county since reconstruction so to even suggest George was anything but a great president is cause for deportation.

And to top it all off I don't own a horse, an oil well, or a belt buckle big enough to eat dinner off of.

But I can two-step, tell a yarn or three, and say y'all with the best of them so I'm gonna keep calling myself a Texan. 

Also I've been to all the places mentioned in this song.


Cloudia said...

You and Kinky are my favorite truth-telling Texans!

Aloha from Waikiki

Comfort Spiral

Travis Erwin said...

I voted for Kinky to be governor a few elections back. Still wish he'd won.

Angie Ledbetter said...

Naw, cain't think of a whole boat load of folks I'd rather have on my island. :)

Debra said...

Saints, Dixie Chicks, GW...
I'm right there with you on those subjects.

Who Dat!!!

Jennifer said...

I'm willing to bet I'd be voted off the island of Texas before you, Travis! And I'm also born and bred.

the walking man said...

If it weren't for Janis Joplin Texas would be a pretty forgettable place. just saying. As for W...his propensity to be ass was a as big as a Texas tall yarn. Of which he told some world changing whoppers eh?

G said...

One salient point I would like to make about GWB as it applies to Katrina.

Louisiana at the time was run by who? Democrats.

Did they screw up the initial evacuation? Sure did.

Matter of fact, they are just as culpable as GWB.

That being said, a very well written post, although I don't like college football.

Junosmom said...

Good thing you can't vote people out of the house - it would be like a yo-yo. You're out, okay I forgive you, your're out again, okay come back.

So are you a born and bred Texan, or how did you come to live there?

Travis Erwin said...

For the record G you are correct but I never assign problems based upon party lines. Nor do I vote that way. I am either a conservative libertarian liberal or a liberal libertarian conservative. I'm still trying to figure out which.

Travis Erwin said...

Junosmom -- Born at least. Can't really say where I was bred since I don't have that acute of a memory.

Travis Erwin said...

Angie - Love to visit your state but think I'll stay right where I'm at until I can afford acreage in the high country or a Caribbean island all of my own.

Travis Erwin said...

Debra - Who Dats are always welcome on this blog. I'm antsy for tomorrow's NFL kickoff.

Travis Erwin said...

The Walking Man - Come on dude. We got lots of memorable stuff here in Texas. The grassy knoll, Waco, Ross Perot. And good stuff too like Austin City limits, kick ass music, tasty beer, beef, gun rights the way they should be, Friday night football, Every landscape from mountains to desert, and Drew Brees.

Travis Erwin said...

Jennifer - Maybe we can start our own exiled writing Texans island.

Erica Orloff said...

Another brilliant, funny post.

And as for G's comment, I don't know why a person can't state a fact and it immediately has to be this party line stuff. He didn't say no Democrats were culpable, just on W's watch, the handling sucked, and the "Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job" comment only cemented the idea that W messed up. So did a bunch of other folks . . . but they ain't wearing the Texan hat and aren't germain to the this post.

This was funny, Travis. And I
m not from Texas, but I'd vote to keep you on the island. :-)

P.S. My word verification? Unrudest.

Mark Terry said...

Kind of a bummer about the oil well, dude. Maybe you should get one.

My bro lived in Austin for 5 years, and my nephew lives there now. Don't know if that makes me an honorary Texan, but we do have a refrigerator magnet that says: Life's too short not to live it as a Texan.

Laurel said...

Libertarian is the hinge of my politics, too...one of the reasons I was never a big W fan. As for Katrina, I've had family in NOLA since the sixties. I gotta call it like I see it. If you want to get mad at someone, the Levy committee partied their way through fifty years of funding to shore up the levies to withstand a greater than Cat 3 storm. I'm sure there were plenty of Ds and Rs. They all suck.

I've never lived in Texas but I might qualify, based on specifications:

Longhorns...like, when they aren't playing the Crimson Tide
Huskers...Booo, hiss!
Gun...have one, can use it
Can hunt/dress/cook my dinner...yep
Love me some George Straight
Grandfathered in on the pickup...Daddy always has at least one.
Beef...it's what's for dinner
AND...I has some kick ass boots!

Zephra said...

Great post...from a fellow Texan who agrees with most of your post...

Charles Gramlich said...

I'm not as big as you are, though I eat my share of burgers and fries. But other wise I'm right there along with you. Arkansas Razorbacks rather than Cornhusskers, but not much else is different.

Chris Eldin said...

Travis, are you sure you ain't afraid of a little pink?


David Cranmer said...

I've lived in so many places that I'm not sure what the heck I am anymore. Hell, I lived in Texas for a bit. But I must disagree with you on George Strait. He does not have a marginal voice. I know, I know different strokes.

Texanne said...

Texanne shakes head, adjusts Stetson, walk quietly away.

jerseygirl89 said...

You are what's cool about Texas, Travis. No one can match all of their state's stereotypes, unless they are a politician running for office.

alex keto said...

I've heard of Texas pride, but what about Maryland pride, my home state.

Hmmmmm... let's see....

Well, at least our state is bigger than next door neighbor Delaware and we've got Rhode Island beat all to hell.

Nope... nothing much else comes to mind.

Old Kitty said...

Awww!! I think you missed out the best reason why you are 100 and a million per cent Texan.

You're your own Lone State! And Lone as in Independent.

You can't get more Texan than that!

Take care

G said...

I'm impressed. You came out with a 100% totally original political species. I don't think I've ever heard of a "conservative libertarian liberal" or a "liberal libertarian conservative" before.

Way to go! :D

Jason said...

I myself was born and raised in Amarillo. Although, I no longer live in Amarillo, or Texas, for that matter (blame my wife).

I've also had a few too many at a Willie concert.

I've been to the Alamo. I share being a Freemason along with the likes of James Bonham, Jim Bowie, David Crockett, Almaron Dickenson and Col. William Barrett Travis.

I have not only one, but two pairs of nice boots and I do wear them to work at my big city law firm computer job, on occasion.

Both of my cars are Fords. (SUV's though.)

Living within a ten minute drive to Arrowhead and Kaufman stadiums, I've become a fan of the Chiefs and somewhat of a fan of the Royals, so I can understand not cheering for the Cowboys. Or the Texans.

I was never a fan of Lubbock, so I have no loyalty to the Red Raiders.

I can't stand the Dixie Chicks' political crap they spew.

And I have no comment about Dubya.

So, all in all, it would seem that we two Texans agree on most matters.


That George Strait part makes me cuss like Yosemite Sam.

I think you owe our great state an apology.

Eric said...

Too funny, Travis. Don't feel too bad though. I'd probably be voted off the island for not being a true Colorado-an as well. For example, I don't follow the Denver Donkeys (Broncos) nor am I a fan of the Colorado Rockies or the Avalanche. I'm not a camping son-of-a-gun like so many of my brethren either. I do drive in the snow better than just about anyone though, so maybe I get enough points for that :)

Teenage Bride said...

huh voting off those we don't like.... could be a curse, but also a blessing hahaha