Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Just Don't Stick It Behind Your Ear

The packaging on this product caught my eye.




Breast Gum? I thought to myself what exactly could that be. I posted a picture of the package on my Facebook along with a wisecrack about each individual piece looking like a nipple.
 

The talented Michael Gonzalez responded with a link to a website where this gum is for sale. Here is a blurb I've lifted from the website ...

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If going to the gym is too much effort and plastic surgery is not appealing, the other alternative is the all new Breast Enhancement Gum by Zoft! You can have fuller, firmer, larger breasts in as little as 30 days GUARANTEED – or your Money Back!


For years, women of all ages have been embarrassed by small, sagging, or underdeveloped breasts. This self-consciousness often leads to low self-esteem. Until now, breast enhancement solutions required expensive and frequently dangerous cosmetic surgery.
Finally there is a practical, low cost, safe alternative that is completely natural – Zoft Breast Enhancement Gum!
***********************

Being the skeptic I am ... I have no doubt that this gum is for big boobs, I'm just not buying the fact it will help increase anyone's mammary.


And why name it Zoft? There are lots of better names ... Double D Mint, Juicier Fruit, Bazooka Janes, Boobalicious. And of course if they ever produce a male version, they can call it diclets.


But man oh man, if this does catch on, I can't wait to see the trading cards.



.

16 comments:

Shauna Roberts said...

I took a look at the ingredient list. A few of the herbs included are thought to contain phytoestrogens. So the gum may help menopausal women.

I've never heard of phytoestrogens having an effect on breast size, although it's not a research area I follow.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

OMG Travis, you didn't chew any of that gum, did you? You don't want to end up with moobs.

Phats said...

Did you try it, and if so did you grow boobs? haha :)

Anonymous said...

BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN
Why American men should boycott American women

http://boycottamericanwomen.blogspot.com/

I am an American man, and I have decided to boycott American women. In a nutshell, American women are the most likely to cheat on you, to divorce you, to get fat, to steal half of your money in the divorce courts, don’t know how to cook or clean, don’t want to have children, etc. Therefore, what intelligent man would want to get involved with American women?

American women are generally immature, selfish, extremely arrogant and self-centered, mentally unstable, irresponsible, and highly unchaste. The behavior of most American women is utterly disgusting, to say the least.

This blog is my attempt to explain why I feel American women are inferior to foreign women (non-American women), and why American men should boycott American women, and date/marry only foreign (non-American) women.

BOYCOTT AMERICAN WOMEN!

the walking man said...

Whoa an American made product and only $250 for a 6 month supply. I couldn't find any Diclets Travis 2where can I get them at?

Old Kitty said...

Oooooh!! I'm so tempted..!

:-) Take care
x

Travis Erwin said...

Shauna - Good to get a scientific opinion.

Debra and Phats - No I won't be partaking.

Anon - Sorry dude, but I happen to LOVE American women so I can't go with your agenda, but thanks for visiting.

Walking Man - I'd love to see a poem from you titled The Diclet Quest

Kitty - I'm sure you are already purrfect.

LucieP said...

dang wish I woulda seen this before Valentine's Day. My man was asking me for ideas! ;)

sybil law said...

Hubba Hubba would work, too. :)

Charles Gramlich said...

ewww!

J.R. said...

Diclets.....nice

Melanie Hooyenga said...

That is so bizarre.

And can I just say how cool I think it is that you and Michael are friends now? He's my real world friend from Chicago and I was even at his wedding. :) I know him from salsa dancing of all things.

your other wife said...

Where does that stuff come from???? Diclets? Bazooka Jane? Sounds like you have experience with big boob names!!!! haha

David Cranmer said...

Who knew bigger breasts were this easy.

Leah J. Utas said...

Oh dear Dog.

Monnik said...

Oh Travis. Your alternate titles had me giggling.

Where did you find this gum? I've never heard of it - so weird!

Ha - boycotting American women. Yeah, good luck with that, dude.