Sunday, February 26, 2012

Mauled -- Bar Story #3

In December of 1988 I turned 16. For those of you who have read THE FEEDSTORE CHRONICLES you know my first kiss was with a girl named Anna Ochoa (least that is the name I gave her int he book). That kiss was a result of a game of spin the bottle.

The first kiss I ever received of a completely free will nature came from a
girl
no that's not right woman no that too is wrong old lady I got it wrinkly cougar at one of those dive Amarillo Boulevard joints I described in the last installment of bar stories.

It was New Year's Eve. We were saying goodbye to 1988 and hello to 1989. Brandon's mom had set him up with this new bartender at a joint called The Corral. She was only 19. Brandon was 17. It was a private New Year's party for the regulars. No one questioned either Brandon or me or our friend David who was either 17 or 18 at the time. The bartender was the only girl any where close to our age but we didn't care. We were spending New Year's in a honest to God bar. Drinking honest to God booze. 

Frankly I had no idea about the whole kissing at midnight tradition. I was happily buzzed as midnight approached and sure both Brandon and David had teased me all night about the "old lady" that had bought me a rum and coke and pinched me on the rosy cheek saying, "Ain't you a big ol' cute teddy bear."

But I was ill-prepared when the clock struck twelve and the woman grabbed me by the back of the head and laid a lip lock on me. 



These days the term cougar is common place back then there was no term. But there was chock ... fear ... and yes, revulsion. Becasue sadly the cougar that attacked me looked nothing like this ...



And a whole lot like this ...





14 comments:

Debra She Who Seeks said...

You poor kid! Hahahahahaha, I wish I could have seen the look on your face!

the walking man said...

That person looks like they belong in a head banger rock band...are you certain that it was a she?

Old Kitty said...

Hey that's what the booze is for! LOL! Take care
x

B.E. Sanderson said...

ROFL... sorry that happened to you, but at least you got a good story about it.

Charles Gramlich said...

Looked like that before or after the booze? It was after then that's really serious.

Anne Gallagher said...

Poor thing. Don't you just hate New Year's Eve?

Travis Erwin said...

Debra- I'm sure glad cell phone camera's were not around back then.

walking man - I wasn't about to do the work necessary to find out.

Kitty- there isn't enough booze

Travis Erwin said...

B.E. - At least.

Charles- Sadly both before and after

Anne- I never go to bars on New Years though I doubt any one would assault me these days.

Eric said...

Wow, you're a brave man admitting to such a horrific event. It must not have scarred you too badly though, since you eventually got married. Still, I can imagine the shudders you go through every time you sift through that memory (hopefully not often).

Jennifer Shirk said...

LOL!! Sorry, I shouldn't laugh!

YELLOWDOG GRANNY said...

holy fuckme..I'm surprised you can still get it up after that.

Barb said...

Okay, THAT was hysterical. Having been mauled by more than my share of old men ~ I completely sympathize.

DrillerAA09 said...

Well, they all get prettier at closin' time. At least that what Mickey Gilley always sang about.

Mommy Cracked said...

LMAO!! Now THAT is scary!