Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Dad's Cookin' Tonight - Terrible Tuesdays with Travis

Like all families with kids involved in extra-curricular activities mine gets extremely hectic now and again. Last year about this time was one of those occasions. Picture this scene ...

The entire family is the the Ol' Expedition headed for home. IT is almost nine and the boys are up past their bedtime, they have not taken a bath and none of us have eaten supper, but collectively we have attended guitar lessons, tap and ballet class, and a marathon carnival volunteer meeting. (More on the carnival in a later post.)

We have already driven past all the fast food restaurants and our now almost our house int he boonies when my wife says, "We have to go back to town. I forgot to lay out anything for supper so if we don't go buy something it will be ten o'clock before we eat."

Now me in all my ultimate wisdom has a bright idea. We'll stop at the one lone store that is between us and the house, an old dirty rundown convenience store.

My wife rolls here eyes at this suggestion and asks, "What we are going to eat?
"Chimichangas, corndogs, polish sausage on a stick, potato wedges, chicken nuggets."
"That is what you want to feed your children for supper?"

I nod. "Why not, the boys like corndogs."

"What about vegetables, or anything nutritious?"
"I'll buy them some milk," I say as I pull into the graveled, pothole-filled lot.

Now at this point I was feeling pretty good about myself. I didn't have to drive all the way to town and besides, I like junk food. I point through the glass while the lady behind the counter sacks up two corndogs, potato wedges, and a chimichanga(fried burrito for those who've never had the pleasure) for my wife. They are out of polish sausage on a stick, so with a tad of disappointment I order chicken nuggets. This is when things start to go bad.

The lady behind the counter frowns and says, "Oooh, I don't know how this chicken will taste. It was here when I got here and I haven't made any fresh." Then she adds, "But if you still want chicken I'll just give it to you."

"Sold!" I'm as cheap as the next guy and a free dinner sounded alright to me. But I wasn't aware of the facts.

I'll repeat the lady's words. "It was here when I got here." I didn't know she'd been there a week solid, or that those nuggets had sat there under a heat lamp for the entire duration, but that is exactly what they tasted like. WEEK OLD CHICKEN.

But I ate them because one, I was hungry, two, it was my only choice, and three, they were FREE.

As the boys munched away on their corndogs, and my wife applied hot sauce to her chimichanga I crunched away and made the comments, "Good thing these were free, otherwise I'd turn around and go ask for my money back."

To my wife's credit she did say, "I wouldn't eat them if they taste that bad."

I ignored her. I also ignored her wise ass comments at three in the morning when I was cradling Porcelain Annie and praying to the vomit gods to please take away my stomach cramps.

Karma paying me back for ignoring my wife and exposing my innocent children to malnourishment? Or just my own stupidity getting the better of me? You be the judge, but take my advice, that old saying, The best things in life aren't free is one of the truest statements ever spoken.


alex keto said...

It'll sound rude, but maybe you got a glimpse of Darwinian theory in action here.

Jason said...

Eat your veggies boy.

Shauna said...

ROTFL! I read this to my husband. Hopefully he'll learn a little somethin' here!

Angie said...

Oh, LOL! I'm sorry but I read it out loud to my husband too [grins at Shauna] and it really funny. Hopefully now that it's a year in the past, it's funny to you too. :D

Oh, and I think the lesson should be, "Ask questions." As in, asking the lady how long she'd been there. ;)


Bubblewench said...

Holy stupid man eating week old nuggets!! LMAO! You got what you deserved! You should have just bought a bag of cheetos.

THE DUCK said...

A real man would have wolfed those down and gone back asking for seconds. You disappoint me Travis.

Monnik said...

Ick. This cracks me up, it's totally something my husband would do too. Except that he wouldn't have eaten the chicken (he's a picky eater) he'd have gotten a bag of chips or something equally nutritious instead.

Katrina said...

Of course I'm sure you ate the chicken nuggets knowing you were protecting your family....right?

Unfortunately, I think we have all gotten so busy that we just grab whatever we can to take care of the hunger and junk food has become our new diet.

Remember Travis, VFG! Vegetables, fruits and NO garbage.

Chimichanga Fan said...

Why didn't you eat the chimi and pawn the rancid fowl off on your wife?

cher said...

well, i'm sure they had bread, peanut butter and jam there too, but free food? dude, i would have so eaten those nuggets too, and faked the flu, instead of food poisoning just to be right.

Ello said...

My husband has no sense of smell either. I found him drinking curdled milk straight from the carton that I could smell was bad standing 5 feet away from him.

But, he is actually better about feeding my kids then I am. I'd be the one buying corn dogs and chicken nuggets while he is cooking pasta with clam sauce and broccoli. He is a better mother than I am.

Brooke said...

HA! That reminds me of the time I ate a whole batch of chocolate covered strawberries that tasted so very good and so very sweet. Sweet indeed, because under the chocolate they were half rotten. I became very intimately involved with my toilet that night.

angel, jr. said...

Many a time I've stopped at those little convenient stores and have been hypnotized by the smell and the looks of the fried goods, only to be clutching my stomach in writhing pain later.

Merry Jelinek said...

I wouldn't have eaten the chicken... but I can identify with the sentiment. Getting into the school swing with one son at football practice or games four days a week and a daughter in choir and piano, plus homework and school activity stuff.... many a night we don't hit bathtime til after bed and dinner might be a sandwich...

luckily, I don't live so far from town so I can just order a pizza in a real crunch.

Tee said...

ROFL! Loved this post. I have done that before. Something didn't taste quite *right*, but I stupidly ate it anyway. Never good.

My sympathies for the marathon of extracurricular activities. That is why I don't let my kids do anything. I can't handle the running around.