The entire family is the the Ol' Expedition headed for home. IT is almost nine and the boys are up past their bedtime, they have not taken a bath and none of us have eaten supper, but collectively we have attended guitar lessons, tap and ballet class, and a marathon carnival volunteer meeting. (More on the carnival in a later post.)
We have already driven past all the fast food restaurants and our now almost our house int he boonies when my wife says, "We have to go back to town. I forgot to lay out anything for supper so if we don't go buy something it will be ten o'clock before we eat."
Now me in all my ultimate wisdom has a bright idea. We'll stop at the one lone store that is between us and the house, an old dirty rundown convenience store.
My wife rolls here eyes at this suggestion and asks, "What we are going to eat?
"Chimichangas, corndogs, polish sausage on a stick, potato wedges, chicken nuggets."
"What about vegetables, or anything nutritious?"
"I'll buy them some milk," I say as I pull into the graveled, pothole-filled lot.
Now at this point I was feeling pretty good about myself. I didn't have to drive all the way to town and besides, I like junk food. I point through the glass while the lady behind the counter sacks up two corndogs, potato wedges, and a chimichanga(fried burrito for those who've never had the pleasure) for my wife. They are out of polish sausage on a stick, so with a tad of disappointment I order chicken nuggets. This is when things start to go bad.
The lady behind the counter frowns and says, "Oooh, I don't know how this chicken will taste. It was here when I got here and I haven't made any fresh." Then she adds, "But if you still want chicken I'll just give it to you."
"Sold!" I'm as cheap as the next guy and a free dinner sounded alright to me. But I wasn't aware of the facts.
I'll repeat the lady's words. "It was here when I got here." I didn't know she'd been there a week solid, or that those nuggets had sat there under a heat lamp for the entire duration, but that is exactly what they tasted like. WEEK OLD CHICKEN.
But I ate them because one, I was hungry, two, it was my only choice, and three, they were FREE.
As the boys munched away on their corndogs, and my wife applied hot sauce to her chimichanga I crunched away and made the comments, "Good thing these were free, otherwise I'd turn around and go ask for my money back."
To my wife's credit she did say, "I wouldn't eat them if they taste that bad."
I ignored her. I also ignored her wise ass comments at three in the morning when I was cradling Porcelain Annie and praying to the vomit gods to please take away my stomach cramps.
Karma paying me back for ignoring my wife and exposing my innocent children to malnourishment? Or just my own stupidity getting the better of me? You be the judge, but take my advice, that old saying, The best things in life aren't free is one of the truest statements ever spoken.