You really shouldn't believe anything a fiction writers tells you . For instance my post today is not going to be about the craft of writing as I originally stated. Nope, it seems that I failed to realize that my next post would fall on New Years Eve . I suppose I could have rattled on about characterization, (Alex's favorite topic) the art of dialogue, or the all-elusive voice, but I'm not. i feel obliged to talk about the holiday and my family's tradition.
First a brief discussion on drunks. Like the famous dwarfs there are seven different kinds of drunks.
Jolly Drunk - Somewhat like Snow White's happy but this guy is likely to kiss you with slobber covered lips and his breath is bad, so he's not nearly as cute.
Angry Drunk - Sure Grumpy turned out to be okay, but this fella is nasty once a bit of Jack passes between his lips, but he is famous for his many appearances on the television show cops and no body looks better in a wife beater.
Stupid Drunk - Sure he can barely stand up and it takes him ten tried to pull his keys from his pocket and unlock his car door, but he can drive. Really he can. Dopey never wound up in the drunk tank for a DWI but this guy will if there is any justice.
MD Drunk - No the MD doe not stand for medical Doctor and this scroungy chap is no Doc either. The MD stand for Mad Dog as in 20/20. Ol' MS also goes by the name Wino, Bum, and the politically correct term transient. He is rarely seen without his brown paper bag and he's not picky. He'll get boozed up any time not just on special occasions.
Closet Drunk - He's a bit Bashful about who sees him take a nip. He'll hide his flask in his boot or a desk drawer or out int he garage where his wife won't think to look. But on a night like tonight he can come out of hiding and drink in public to ring in the new year and that freedom might make him go a bit overboard.
Pukey Drunk - Like Sneezy, this fellow will blow chunks but his discharge cannot be contained by a mere Kleenex so give him a wide birth. Nothing is worth than regurgitated martini olives and bar pretzels.
Drowsy Drunk - Sure he has a lot in common with Sleepy but before he goes out he moan for hours about how unfair life is and how his ex-wife was such a bitch. But don't wake him up or he'll join right in with his brethren Pukey.
All of these fellows combined are why I stay home on New Years Eve. I don't begrudge any one a drink. I like one myself but I'm not a believer of drinking to get drunk and for my taste there are far to many amateur drinkers out on the roads and in the bars on this particular night.
So we stay home with the kids. Sure me and my wife will sip a bit of bubbly while the kids drink sparkling grape juice. My wife bought them hats and noise makers and we'll ring in 2008 as a family, but probably we''ll cheat and go by Eastern time since my five year old never lasts till midnight and I'll be ready for bed myself by then.
How do you plan to ring in the New Year?
So from me and my family to you and your have a Happy and SAFE New Years.