Friday, April 11, 2008

What I Wouldn't Give for a Porkchop.

The saga of my gut pain continues, but the end is near. Of the pain I mean, not me.

I finally went to see my regular doctor after the antibiotics didn't seem to be helping and he looked me over asked some questions and then promptly announced "Somebody needs to shut that other clinic down before they kill somebody."

He told me I most likely had diverticulitis (I spelled that right the first time, thank you Mr. Happy Chapman) and then he scheduled me for a CT scan to confirm and he was right. Now after a painful shot in the arse and much heavier antibiotics I truly am feeling better.

And the good news. He told me not to eat any lettuce. Halleh-frickin-luja! A doc who sees things my way.

Of course he said no meat or anything else I have to chew before swallowing either, but we ain't going to discuss that right now.

Okay, yes we are. Why? Because I'm hungry and irritable.

I'm living on pudding folks. Here that crunching sound? That is my gut gnawing on my spine.

Hope all of y'all have good weekends and when you are sitting down that big meal or toasting your friends with that nice adult beverage think of me shriveling away on clear liquids and mushy food.

Be back Sunday with the early edition of My Town Monday. And bring your money with you. you just might need if you ever encounter the subject of this week's post about Amarillo.


Melissa Marsh said...

Goodness! I'm glad you went in to your regular doc and he figured things out.

The Duck said...

Sorry to be "that guy", but I can't help but think that this whole carnivore thing you've got going is going to catch up with you eventually.

Monnik said...

yikes, diverticulitis can be really bad. My dad and grandpa have it and can't eat anything with seeds or small pieces.

But glad you got a good diagnosis. Can you make a pork chop puree and eat it that way? kind of like a pig smoothie?


Sizzle said...

I'm glad they at least have a diagnosis and it's treatable. And really, lettuce is so overrated- yay for no lettuce!

Anonymous said...

Jiminy! I sat thinking of all the smooshy, gooey, liquidy things I could offer up to make it seem better ... and, well? A cookie, beer, porkchop smoothie just does not sound appetizing!

Get better soon!

Charles Gramlich said...

It's a good thing you had previously stored some reserves eh? Otherwise you truly could waste away to nothing. ;)

Actually, I'm glad you're feeling better. Hope you'll be eating chops soon.

jjdebenedictis said...

I have just one word for you, Travis: gravy.

Okay; maybe a few more. Is it just one small patch of diverticulitis? My mom had that and they operated to remove it; she has to be careful to have a lot of fibre now (fibre drinks are fine) but she's great otherwise. People who have diverticulitis all along their intestinal tract are in rougher shape.

I've been misdiagnosed at clinics also; in one case they gave me these nasty antibiotics that made me sick as a dog, and when I got in to see a specialist, he got angry and told me that drug would have done exactly nothing to help my condition. He put me on a much milder antibiotic that did the job and didn't make me barf. What a lovely man--and what a naughty, hasty clinic. >:-(

Travis Erwin said...

Melissa - Thanks. me too.

Duck - A leopard can not change its spots.

monnik - I've slopped too many hogs in my day to ever eat anything called pork chop puree.

sizzle - I'll sing you up for spokeswoman on the National Anti-Lttuce Foundation.

The neatos - I pointed out to the doc that coconut rum was a clear liquid. He was not amused.

Charles - I was saving that extra for hybernation next winter.

JJ - Gravy! Oh so sweet gravy. That is the best word I've heard all day.

alex keto said...

Glad you're feeling better 'cause here's the bad news. Your condition (which i can't spell) can be caused by low consumption of -- gasp -- roughage and fiber.

So... when are you going to get a bale of Alfalfa and start chewing? I am not a doctor, but I'll play one on your blog.

angel, jr. said...

Hey buddy, get better! Have a good weekend. I'll eat some porkchops for you--barbeque, fried, with stuffing, shake and baked, etc..

Linda McLaughlin said...


So glad you're feeling better even if you're starving to death. My dad had diverticulitis years ago. In his case, the main culprit was peanuts.

Hope you won't be on soft food for much longer.


WordVixen said...

Dude- I would be totally living on mashed potatoes and ice cream!

Hey, wait. That would mean no popcorn. I don't think I could live without popcorn. :( I feel for you.

Penelope said...

I'm glad your feeling better.


deborah elliott-upton said...

Glad to hear you're gonna make it! What would you have said if the doc told you you'd have to give up meat?

Debbielou said...

Hope you get better soon!

You seem to be in good company - the link showed a load of celebrities that also have this ailment. Talk about keep up with the Jones'!!

Celebrity cases

Grace Slick, member of Jefferson Airplane, Jefferson Starship

John Wooden, Basketball Coach[10]

Billy Graham, evangelist

Fidel Castro, leader of Cuba

James K. Polk, 11th President of the United States

Ken Griffey, Jr., baseball player

Kwame Kilpatrick, Mayor of Detroit (2002-present)

Craig Venter
Dilma Rousseff
Amitabh Bachchan

"Buzz Burbank", news man of the nationally syndicated Don and Mike Show.

Desi Arnaz, Ricky Ricardo from I Love Lucy

Glenn Frey, The Eagles

Jack Wagner, Actor, Singer,

Celebrity Golfer

Buckminster Fuller ate mostly steak, in response to a tendency to diverticulitis.


John Cleese

Geoff Ramsey

Britta Coleman said...

Pudding? You poor thing. Don't the British make meat puddings of some sort?

ChristineEldin said...

Blended burger.
If I were carniverous, I'd do that. But I like yoghurt and quiche.

Hope you're feeling better soon. Sounds like you're on the road to recovery.

Patti said...

um, tequila and vodka are clear. i'm just saying...

Shauna said...

No solid foods?? Ouch! Is it terribly mean to tell you we're having barbecue tonight?

Josephine Damian said...

And the good news. He told me not to eat any lettuce. Halleh-frickin-luja! A doc who sees things my way.

Of course he said no meat or anything else I have to chew before swallowing either, but we ain't going to discuss that right now.

Hmm..... would you have preferred the prostate trouble to not being able to eat meat, bro?

Sometimes it seems that William Goldman's immortal words about Hollywood - "Nobody knows anything" - applies to physicians.

Hope you feel better.

Pasta? Filling and it ain't meat or a leafy green veggie.

BTW, it's Saturday and I've already got my My Town post up. I've also started reading RAGTIME.

Cheryl Wray said...

Oh boy, I totally feel your pain!!! No meat, nothing crunchy...yikes! (If they told me no sweets either, I'd have to shoot someone!)

Glad that you found out the problem. You take good care of yourself!!

~grace~ said...

when I had my jaw wired shut, my mother made a pbj smoothie. mmm.

also good: oreo milkshakes.

debra said...

So much for eating your veggies, I guess. Glad you're feeling better. And I am sort of ready for the early edition of MTM.....

pattinase (abbott) said...

There are vastly different approaches to this disease, which runs in my family. Some say eat a lot of roughage, others to avoid it. You'll have to see what works for you. Sorry for the bad time.

Bubblewench said...

Glad you got the right diagnosis!!! Gotta love that div-stuff - no lettuce, no greens, nothing that would be 'rough', no seeds.. um, yeah, I know quite a bit about it.

Good luck with the pudding in the meantime.

Bina said...

Sorry about that. I heard it is PAINFUL!!! But, what you said about lettuce??? Too freaking funny!!!!!

Anonymous said...

No meat....forever? Any veggies at all? My Aunt has the same thing and it can be quite serious. A strict diet is so hard. Hugs.