There are many things in this world that you adore, that I simply can't stomach. Lettuce, the out-of-breath quality to Celine Dion's voice, the stench of patchouli.
It is time to add fluffy toilet lid covers to the list. All I can say is why ladies? Why do you torture us men by draping those fluffy poodle pelts across the toilet lid.
You complain of our deer heads nailed to the wall, yet you condone the skinning of harmless pooches for the sake of bathroom decor.
Maybe y'all don't realize the problems those dang things create for those of us who stand to do our business, so let me explain.
A friend (a single woman I might add) has one of these things on her porcelain throne. We tend to gather at her house to play games and drink a few adult beverages on the weekend, which leads to frequent trips to the ol' bathroom.
I raise the lid, it falls due to the frilly cover not allowing the lid to rest properly against the tank. I reraise it. The stupid thing falls again. This leaves me two choices ... take a seat and forgo one of the few natural privileges a man has, (yes, we males celebrate and revel in our ability to take a leak on our feet), or hold the lid with one hand, while I direct my aim with the other. That might seem simple bat after a six pack of Shiner. also I'm tall guy so it leads to n awkward crouching position that throws off my balance and well honed stance.
I might as well be playing bathroom Twister.
Most of us men are not ambidextrous and agile acrobats of Cirque De Soleil. I hear and read your gripes about our poor aim, yet y'all chose to add a degree of difficulty befitting the Chinese dive team. So I say whose fault are those splatters?
And I'm not even going to go into the psychological terror we men have at dangling our parts before an alligator jaw-like death trap that could come chomping down at any second.
Truth be told I think it is an evil plot to make men take a seat since y'all are jealous of our inherent ability to stand and be men, but if it is an honest mistake I urge you to get shed of the poodle pelt and let us pee in peace.
Willing Demanding To Take a Stand
p.s. God bless the urinal!