Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Stuff

I first saw this list of life experiences on Robyn's blog a week or so back. I know a few of you have already did this as well and since I'm short on time today I though it would be a good way for me to get a post up.

Here we present a list. Highlight those tasks that you have accomplished in your life. I added a bit of my own commentary in the parenthesis.


01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink (mostly because I have many a deadbeat buddy)

02. Swam with wild dolphins (they look too much like sharks to me and those bottle noses could accidentally catch you in the wrong place if you know what I mean)

03. Climbed a mountain (I tried to propose on top of one, but my wide got winded halfway up so I had to settle for the side of a mountain)

04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive (I don't think there is a Ferrari dealership within 250 miles of Amarillo)

05. Been inside the Great Pyramid (does the Luxor in Vegas count?)

06. Held a tarantula (this week)

07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone (And it was quite embarrassing when the fire department had to come use the jaws of life to get my big butt up and out since I take all the room by myself)

08. Said “I love you” and meant it (everyday)

09. Hugged a tree (But I had to reign the relationship in when it slipped me some tongue)

10. Bungee jumped (I've seen far too many rubber bands snap to every trust even an industrial sized one)

11. Visited Paris (Again, only if you count the one on the Vegas strip)

12. Watched a lightning storm at sea (I've only seen the sea a few times, but I've seen my share from many a good sized lake)

13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise (this is how I got those wrinkles and gray hairs that are taking over my head. Well that and marrying up with a blonde woman.)

14. Seen the Northern Lights (While singing a John Denver song to boot)

15. Gone to a huge sports game (Numerous times and being a lifelong Saints fan I know all about the agony of defeat)

16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa (You mean there is no elevator?)

17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables (VEGETABLES ARE THE DEVIL!)

18. Touched an iceberg (When I start eating vegetables there may be icebergs in Texas)

19. Slept under the stars (Despite the damn crickets)

20. Changed a baby’s nappy (What is a nappy? If it's a crappy diaper than yeah, but thank God those days are over.)

21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon (I'd like to)

22. Watched a meteor shower (Just a few weeks ago, but what I'm really waiting for is to get a few shooting stars taking a bath)

23. Gotten tipsy on champagne (But usually I'm a much cheaper drunk)

24. Given more than you can afford to charity (I'm not as charitable as I should be but my wife more than makes up for that)

25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope (I have one set up right now)

26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment (Real men don't giggle)

28. Bet on a winning horse (and a bunch of losing nags too)

29. Asked out a stranger (Not in nearly twenty years and even then my odds were better at the horsetrack)

30. Had a snowball fight (even though I hate snow down my shirt)

31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can (Every time the refs throw a flag against the Saints)

32. Held a lamb (While in ag glass I even witnessed a classmate french kiss a dead lamb for $27 and a package of cigarettes)

33. Seen a total eclipse of both the sun and moon (But not at the same time. that would really be something)

34. Ridden a roller coaster (love 'em

35. Hit a home run (In a beer fueled softball league)

36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking (I did the hokey pokey with a New York editor in public for God's sake)

37. Adopted an accent for an entire day (I'm counting my proud Texas twang which I use every single day)

38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment (I'm always happy .. except for that time in Juarez when ... )

39. Had two hard drives for your computer (But who really cares?)

40. Visited all 50 states (no, but it is a goal of mine)

41. Taken care of someone who was drunk (I even married her -- that one might get me in trouble)

42. Had/Have amazing friends (define amazing)

43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country (See #38)

44. Watched whales (Are we talking about the animal or the rich guys who visit Vegas with a ton of money in their pocket?)

45. Stolen a sign (I'm going down, down down, ... in a ring of fire)

46. Backpacked in Europe (I have nothing witty or smart alecky for this one)

47. Taken a road-trip (Every chance I get)

48. Gone rock climbing (not just for the sake of it, but I've had to do some scaling to get around while hunting)

49. Midnight walk on the beach (No because it could lead to other things and there are certain places sand does not belong)

50. Gone sky diving (Won't either as long as the plane is running)

51. Visited Ireland (Sounds like fun)

52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love (heartburn is another story)

53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them (No, but I've though about getting up and moving while with drunk friends at IHOP)

54. Visited Japan (I'd starve since I don't like the food)

55. Milked a cow (I live in Texas, it's practically part of the school curriculum)

56. Alphabetized your CDs (I'm not an organizer)

57. Pretended to be a superhero (who says I'm not)

58. Sung karaoke (I might would but never can wrestle the mic from my wife)

59. Lounged around in bed all day (But I did get up to pee. Am I disqualified?)

60. Played touch football (I used to think it sucked but now I'm getting old and it appeals to me more than hitting the ground)

61. Gone scuba diving (But only in a pool)

62. Kissed in the rain (I don't recall for sure but surely I have at some point)

63. Played in the mud (I don't mind getting dirty)

64. Played in the rain (Until I floated away)

65. Gone to a drive-in theater (We still have one in town)

66. Visited the Great Wall of China (But I watched Mulan and the olympics)

67. Started a business ( not unless you count the writing)

68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken (Cause my wife is patient)

69. Toured ancient sites (historic yes, ancient I'd say no)

70. Taken a martial arts class (only once, got my butt kicked by a twelve year old girl with a brown belt and never went back)

71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight (I was too busy playing video games for days on end)

72. Gotten married (Si senors and senoritas)

73. Been in a movie

74. Crashed a party (But I'm sure they meant to invite me)

75. Gotten divorced (Not even close)

76. Gone without food for 5 days (I'd have to be in a coma for this to happen)

77. Made cookies from scratch (or an itch either)

78. Won first prize in a costume contest (and I wasn't even dressed up)

79. Ridden a gondola in Venice (is is just me or does the word gondola sound like a venereal disease?)

80. Gotten a tattoo (not until Plundered Booty sales)

81. Rafted a river (I counting tubed a river since that is the Texas way to do it)

82. Been on television news programs as an “expert” (I can't imagine the field)

83. Gotten flowers for no reason (I don't think I've ever gotten flowers period)

84. Performed on stage (thank God that hasn't hit You Tube)

85. Been to Las Vegas (finally it counts for something)

86. Recorded music (I'm guessing the don't mean off another CD)

87. Eaten shark (tastes like chicken)

88. Kissed on the first date (Damn that tree)

89. Gone to Thailand (I'll make no bad jokes about Bangkok)

90. Bought a house (And soon another)

91. Been in a combat zone (Though I do work at the Post Office)

92. Buried one/both of your parents (I guess a joke would be inappropriate)

93. Been on a cruise ship (No but I used to watch the Love Boat)

94. Spoken more than one language fluently (I did have six years of Latin but nobody except priests ever speak it)

95. Performed in a Rocky Horror Picture Show (I don't look good in drag)

96. Raised children (in the process)

97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour (Dang jobs)

98. Passed out cold (and woke up hot)

99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country ('fraid not)

100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over (I'm too lazy)

101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge (Never been to San Fran)

102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking (I like my own ears to do very much singing)

103. Had plastic surgery (Would I still look like this if I had?)

104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived (But i did have a nasty splinter one time)

105. Wrote articles for a large publication (define large)

106. Lost over 100 pounds (Probably should but never will)

107. Held someone while they were having a flashback (again nothing to say)

108. Piloted an airplane (when this happens everyone else on board she take up sky diving)

109. Touched a stingray (Our names are spelled different but I heard about what happened to Steve "Crocodile Hunter" Irwin)

110. Broken someone’s heart (Not that I know of)

111. Helped an animal give birth (Numerous times)

112. Won money on a TV game show (Never even applied for one)

113. Broken a bone (my ankles snapped like a twig while playing hockey)

114. Gone on an African photo safari (Alex won't take me)

115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears (or any other "part" for that matter)

116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol (all the above)

117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild (nope as I think 'shrooms are veggies)

118. Ridden a horse (Again, I live in Texas)

119. Had major surgery (and woke up in the middle of it)

120. Had a snake as a pet (This is one critter I've missed)

121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon (seems like work)

122. Slept 30 hours in a 48 hour time frame (with medicinal help)

123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states (not even close)

124. Visited all 7 continents (see answer above)

125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days (no, and I can't squeal like a pig either)

126. Eaten kangaroo meat (I'm game, but no)

127. Eaten sushi (prefer to use it as bait)

128. Had your picture in the newspaper (and not under the heading -- most wanted)

129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about (Because I am a Master Debater, feel free to make your own pun)

130. Gone back to school (it still wasn't much fun)

131. Parasailed (maybe in December when i got o Florida)

132. touched a cockroach (crunchy)

133. Eaten fried green tomatoes (even fried they suck)

134. Read “The Iliad” (Required reading in Latin)

135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read (numerous)

136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (this week)

137. Skipped all your school reunions (I attended the one and only)

138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
(I don't speak idiocy but many I work with do)

139. Been elected to public office (not public but my position in the union was elected)

140. Written your own computer language (I'm not that smart)

141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream

142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care

143. Built your own PC from parts

144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you (they would have to be blind as well)

145. Had a booth at a street fair (I got nothing to peddle)

146. Dyed your hair (What you see is what you get)

147. Been a DJ (No desire)

148. Shaved your head (I've threatened but my wife doesn't like the idea)

149. Caused a car accident (Not that I'm aware of)

50. Saved someone’s life (see above)

30 comments:

Kristen Painter said...

Hmm. I might do this Friday.

The Anti-Wife said...

Your answers are hilarious!

Mr. Shife said...

Holy crap. You are short on time and you still cranked out answers to a list of 150 items. Well loved your answers and I applaud your effort.

Mom In Scrubs said...

I'm exhausted after reading that!!

Very informative with sprinkles of witty comedy.

I did my rollercoaster post - since you like rollercoasters!

Charles Gramlich said...

I started to do all those things but it's hard getting off the couch.

angel, jr. said...

Wow, you've done a lot!! A whole lot.

Vodka Mom said...

I'm to exhausted to comment. (THat was one DAMN long post. ) However, I couldn't stop reading....

Travis Erwin said...

Yeah that actually turned into more work that I thought it would.

Rocketstar said...

Holy long list!

Michele said...

Hey, well done! And you've accomplished quite a bit on that list.

SUV Mama said...

Wowsers. Quite a life, T.

And tubing isn't rafting, even for Texans. I just rafted with a bunch of Texans, and they would side with me. Bring the family & raft the Rogue one day. You'd love it. :)

Beth said...

Short on time and you managed to do this?!
So well done - thanks for the many laughs.

dee said...

I can't believe you haven't been on a cruise!!!! It is sucha great source of inspiration to be with a boatful of people with nothing to do but talk!! You would love it. Althought I'd recommend you go out of Galveston to assure a 70% Texan boat...now that's a trip!

holly said...

that's a great little list! i have done one of the things. i visited paris. neener neener. (it's just on the other side of the tunnel...)

Linda McLaughlin said...

Good job, Travis. I think I'll pass on this meme, though. Too many questions for my feeble brain.

Linda

Robin said...

I might just have to do this!

But I laughed out loud, may have even snorted over #125. Can't squeal like a pig? Dueling banjo's are reverberating through my head now and the mental image of you in that scene is scorched on the backs of my eyelids...am quite sure the scene would not have played the same but...oh God, I'll never get over it!

"My eyes! My eyes!"...........!

Joshua said...

very cool man

Lana Gramlich said...

You woke up in the middle of surgery??? DAMN man!

Georgie B said...

I agree with Vodka Mom.

Seriously long post, but it was an enjoyable read, and the fact that you actually did some of those was even more impressive.

Thanks for sharing.

Aaron said...

"I tried to propose on top of one, but my wide got winded halfway up so I had to settle for the side of a mountain"

Wow, might wanna clean that up before your wide reads it! :P

Clare2e said...

Even reading the charmingly and wittily augmented list was too much energy for me. What's the cliff notes version? No, I didn't do all this, but I did read the post of a guy who'd done some and at least answered them all. Where's my trophy?

Shauna Roberts said...

Cool. You've done a lot of neat things.

Leigh Russell said...

Long list! Many of your answers made me smile. I can see why you'd be brilliant at writing 'girly' stuff. You're a real romantic. Good for you.

But I'd say Vegas is definitely cheating.

Mary said...

What a list!

I have walked the stairs to the top of the leaning tower of Pisa, and highly recommend it -- it’s fun! (Though the tower is smaller than I expected.) You lean this way and that. At one point I had the feeling I was walking down as well as up.

Miladysa said...

Phew - you've been busy :-D

I have always wanted to see the Northern Lights.

Tee said...

Looks like a pretty cool life so far. I'm particularly jealous that you got to see the Northern Lights.

DrillerAA said...

I'm with you on the bungie jumping and skydiving!!! We also have the same response to the pyramids and Paris...only if Vegas counts. Bought a house, sold a house and built a house. Like you, I've gotten married and stayed married...34 years and counting. Life is much simpler if you do it right the first time.
This is a great list, I just don't qualify for most of it. I have been to Bangkok, on R&R when I was serving in Viet Nam, but that was in a different life! Have a great week.

DrillerAA said...

Oh yeah, I've never taken a Ferrari for a test drive, but I owned a Datsun (Nissan) 240Z and pushed it to 127 mph one night. That was a thrill.

Ello said...

I can't believe you did the whole thing. I can't believe I read the whole thing. Actually I am pretty darn impressed by how many you actually did do. I wouldn't even be close.

Josephine Damian said...

130. Gone back to school (it still wasn't much fun)

So true.

Great meme, and as always luv your humor.

Don't know why but I thought you had a first wife, an early divorce?