Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Tidings of Anything but Joy

I haven't threw out a random thought post in a while so here goes.

I threw this one out on twitter the other day, but only a few of you follow me there so I'll offer it here as well. Why is it the only time you hear the word tidings is during the holidays and in reference to the song. Can you have tiding of something besides joy? I think I'm going to wait until March or April and when something makes me mad I'm going to say I offer you tiding of pain and discomfort. Or the next time Whataburger screws up my meat and cheese only burger I might ask the doofus behind the counter, "Have you been snacking on tidings of stupidity again?"

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The other day while listening to Shooter Jenning Electric Rodeo program on my Sirius satellite radio I learned that with the cancellation of TRL on MTV that the network no longer has a single program that shows music videos. So the television channel that made videos fashinable and went on the air to the song Video Killed the Radio Star no longer shows music videos. Who wants to help me write a song called Bad Reality Shows Killed The Video Star. And just for the record The Real World never has seems all that real to me.

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If you haven't seen the blog called Vanity Plates : Creepiness in 8 Characters or less you should check it out. The photos of people vanity plates along with the commentary is quite hilarious.

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And speaking of good blogs, please check out Sanding the Rails. The author and her husband are personal friends of mine. Her son was on my flag football team and Rebecca does a great job of turning the everyday events of parenthood and life into entertaining reading. She's fairly new at blogging so drop by and give her some encouragement.

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And of course this is Tuesday, so drop by the Women of Mystery blog and participate in Two Line Tuesdays. I haven't had time to do much reading this week, but here is two line from the Feedstore Chronicle memoirs I have just begun working on. But let me warn you the Feedstore Chronicles are not for the faint of heart, or the easily offended so bail now if you fit either category.

I'm cheating and including more than two sentences but this selection ought to produce some interesting Google searches. Not to mention generate some strange ads.

In A Perfect World …

There I was, a teenage boy, trapped in a tiny room forced to be the audience, as an attractive, and secure middle-aged woman jacked off a very well-endowed English Bulldog named Brutus. Most would describe that as interesting. Not me. I called it mortifying. Puberty had hit me like a two-ton rock, so I had both an active, fantasy-filled imagination and a strong libido. But none of daydreams about girls had ever starred the canine equivalent of Ron Jeremy.


Sadly, that is a true story and one I blogged about a long time ago. If you want the whole story read it here. Of course the book version will be more detailed than the original blog post as well as proofread and edited.

And since I shared some of my past embarrassment how about you do the same and tell me a tale of one of your embarrassing adventures.

31 comments:

Travis' Wife said...

Read how a christian mom makes 5K at home? that ad is on your blog? Right below you watching a dog have his jollies? Good tidings to you, to you and your kin. WOW.

Travis' Wife said...

They have you pegged. HAHAHA. Sell a book and I will put an ad up for Stay at home mom makes 5K sitting at home doing nothing but living off her husbands money. Now there is an ad for your blog!

March to the Sea said...

some day i'll Twit..first I need to learn how to text.

also I clicked your ads..hopefully the $$ will start rolling in!

David Cranmer said...

Very descriptive two plus lines. I'm intrigued to know more.

Melissa Marsh said...

You're right about the tidings comment...now I'm compelled to look up the history of the word.

Jessica said...

LOL
I missed half the blog 'cause I'm still stuck on the word tidings. Cool thought.

Janna Qualman said...

Good stuff today, Travis!

Realmcovet said...

I'm intrigued by your "two lines".

And I think God's entitled to say the "eff" word every now and again. :D

I wish you tidings of whatever you'd wanna wish tidings over. Yer a hoot n' a half!!

Signed,

"The One Impersonating The Voice of God Himself"

HorribleLicensePlates said...

Thanks for the link love ;-)

We are glad you enjoy our site!

Lisa said...

Ha! I follow your every Tweet :)

I don't know what I'm laughing harder about, the bulldog masturbation or the image of someone at work storming into a conference room screaming, "behold, I bring you tidings of some serious $@!% going down around here!"

Charles Gramlich said...

Tidings of stupidity. Now that is a statement whose time has come. You should do a t-shirt or a bumper sticker with that on.

Rebecca said...

You never cease to humor me! Thanks for the laughs, and the shout-out. Wishing you tidings of grease, meat, and cheese ;)

WordVixen said...

I double dog dare you to make "tidings" the official overused word in your book. Most novels have them. :-)

And I thought this would cheer you up. The AdSense ad below this post? The ads are in this order:

Wendy's Value Menu
Are You Writing A Book?
Blog Your Journey
Funny Kids & Santa Pics

Yanno, I always doubted Google's ability to generate relevant ads, but this just shows me how wrong I was!

Annie said...

Travis, I gotta say man, I your wife cracks me up. Does she blog? ROFL!

I offer you tidings of sarcasm and cold fingers from the snowy Pacific Northwest.

Redneck Mommy said...

If I have dreams of studly bulldogs named Brutus tonight, you are gonna get it.

Er, I mean, I'm gonna whine to you.

There. That sounds less suggestive. Heh.

Beck said...

I had something to say about the rest of your post, but that bit about the bulldog is apparently what's really standing out in my mind. Good golly!

Terri Tiffany said...

Enjoy your trip over here to Fla--or is it CA? I always get them mixed up! Great weather here though next week!

yellowdog granny said...

I fecking love Shooter Jennings..but I loved his daddy more.

Cloudia said...

Good tidings of . . . . doggy style whoopie?
You Sure put it all in the post today, Travis! Aloha-

Barrie said...

Disney tidings to you and yours!

Vodka Mom said...

I LOVE shooter jennings...and I am totally distracted by the bulldog...

writtenwyrdd said...

That's a wowzer of an excerpt, Travis. I thought you'd been kidnapped by perverts until I read the whole thing, lol. I'd have felt the same way if I were you, though.

lyzzydee said...

The car plates one is hillarious!!!

Rastaman said...

Ah, great post here - sent me on a search for the meaning of "good tidings" which, of course, I never thought about till reading this post.

Thanks for your visit and gracious comment.

Barbara Martin said...

Great two lines, nothing to be offended by. Need to read more.

Robin said...

Great tidings to you. As they wash out to sea...but what tidings return, remain to be seen!

Great posts, I've often thought about the "tiding" thing as well...and the irony? I published another "robin oblivious moment" on my blog just minutes before I read yours.

I so want to visit all the things you tell me too....time....can I get some Time Tidings here?

Mr. Shife said...

I think your tidings experiment is a good one, and so when we have Christmas in July we should start throwing out the tidings phrase and see what sticks.
And right now nothing I can think of can top your embarrassing story. I know that probably surprises you especially since you have read my blog for awhile. And before I forget - Happy Holidays to you and yours and see you in '09.

Andrea Frazer - Pass the Zoloft said...

I have nothing but good tidings for your wife. She is one funny person.

the walking man said...

When the embarrassing moments become not embarrassing then I would be willing to embarrass myself by telling them...it may be a great eulogy though as I sit in an icy hell.

jerseygirl89 said...

I really can't get an image of that dog out of my head.

May I wish you tidings of normal sexual fantasies?

lisaalber said...

Okay, I had to quote you verbatim. This post:

http://lisaalber.wordpress.com/2008/12/18/writing-my-christmas-cards/

Hope you don't mind.