Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Baaa

Some people make a habit of putting their foot in their mouth. Me on the other hand, I seem to blog my way into trouble. At this point I'm fairly certain karma reads my blog and asserts her power anytime I get a little too big for my britches.

Those that have read my blog for several years may recall the time I made a few disparaging comments about the Bulgarian female weightlifters. I questioned their femininity and then only a few weeks later I get in a cab at Vegas and out of the jillion cabs in Sin City I wind up in one driven by ... you guessed it, a Bulgarian woman. Luckily I escaped that cab ride with my life intact though there was a narrow miss with a city bus.

Later I ridiculed lady luck and truthfully and then proceeded to take a beating at the poker table while training in Norman, Oklahoma. I'm usually a solid poker player and I've won several tournaments both at Vegas and locally but after calling Lady Luck out winning hands became scarce as attractive Bulgarian weightlifters.

And Saturday I did it again. Ranting about the rain washing out my enthusiasm for Homer's Backyard Ball I got on a rant about the swine flu. I covered mad cow, bird flu, west nile from skeeters. Like an idiot I asked ... What's next, goat gonorrhea.

Before you think the worst of me let me point out Gonorrhea is the wrong goat infliction, but make no mistake, I did have problems with the ol' goat yesterday.

By goat I mean the large patch of facial hair covering my chin. And by trouble I do mean of the animal kingdom variety.

There I was at work when I felt a stinging pinch among the black chin wool. I reached up felt something and with a tug, pulled at it. Of all the things I thought might be stuck in my goatee ... an owl's nest, a chunk of steak, one of the hundred of Hot Wheels you guys sent my sons after the fire ... No where on that list did I include a tick.

But that is exactly what I found.

And my boss just happened to walk by in the moments after I removed the little blood sucking creature and crushed him between a mail sack label so I informed if that should I die of Lyme disease it would now be considered an on-the-job injury.

The conversation carried on to the breakroom where my fellow employees began to razz me and dispute my claims that the tick was indeed a postal tick. They hinted that I'd been supporting the little sucker had been there a while, that I brought him from home, or maybe from my turkey hunting last Friday.

"But I took a shower this morning," I said.

"So did the tick," the guys laughed.

"But I suds the goat every morning. I would have felt it then."

But the guys stopped listening at suds the goat every morning.

I have the feeling that phrase will be used against me for years. Kind of like the time I said I didn't like to eat alligator meat because of it's toughness. is aid the longer you chew it the bigger it seems to get in your mouth, Yeah the guys seized on that and said, "You're eating the wrong part." But i digress.

I still contend that tick was residing in the old P.O. maybe somebody mailed the sucker, but I know what I know and I felt him latch on. And after further thought, I think that tick was sent by Karma herself or maybe her evil henchman Fate since he has lots of underhanded tricks to deal with bloggers who get a little to cocky during their rants. Therefore 'l be careful about choosing my rhetorical questions from this point on.

33 comments:

sybil law said...

Karma is, indeed, a sneaky bitch!
Years ago I had this thing on my hairline, near my forehead. I asked my friend to look at it and she was like, "Oh God - it's a tick", and I promptly jumped out of the car and started screaming and squealing like a girl. Luckily, my friends' dad came out and took care of it for me. But I'd felt that thing on my head for days and... eww. Just thinking about it makes me want to hurl again!
But - no Lyme disease!
;)

Melanie Avila said...

I will now be using "suds the goat" in my daily conversation.

The "chewing the wrong part" reminds me of when my dad got our dog fixed to stop him from barking. I kindly pointed out that he removed the wrong part if that's what he was after.

Kristen Painter said...

Sorry, laughing too hard to comment.

Charles Gramlich said...

the sudsy goat was funny but when you told the alligator story I burst out laughing. That's worthy of a TV appearance.

Lynnette Labelle said...

Oh, yuck! I hate ticks!!! Glad you got it off when you did.

Lynnette Labelle
http://lynnettelabelle.blogspot.com

Monnik said...

oh Travis. Thanks for this funny post. Sorry that Karma yanked on the goat, though.

gigihawaii said...

Travis, I laughed at this one. Keep em coming!

Janna Qualman said...

If Blogger had a "like" button like FB, here's where I'd choose it. :)

Travis' Wife said...

I can only say yuck.

Jenn Jilks said...

Holy Lifton Snappers, Travis, and I've been complaining about blackflies !

Bina said...

Someone could have brought that little blood sucker in and it found it's way to you. I've had ticks get on me when I have been in the grocery store, at work, in my car!

But the goat thing???? Ha Ha Ha! Yea, I would use that one against you for a long time, too, and everyone else I could use it on!!!!

Melissa Marsh said...

Ohh...hahahaha. That is too funny. "Suds the goat!"

Crystal Posey said...

Kristen Painter <------ What she said!

Reb said...

Funny! Love the remark about the alligator too.

Eric said...

lol. I have no idea what is the funniest part about this post. I had to be careful to not spew Diet Coke all over my widescreen.

powdergirl said...

I was happily unaware of the "Blog Rant Karma", but will be more careful in the future.

Hilary said...

You killed it? Some host YOU are! ;)

Ah it was probably a nervous tick anyway...

Great post. You made me laugh. :)

G said...

Yah.

Okay.

I'm just gonna go stand over here...right here....in this corner, yah, right here in this little corner.

Michele said...

Ha! Sorry about the tick, but suds the goat... haha

Cloudia said...

Goat ghonerreah - LOL!!
Aloha, Travis

Beth said...

soooooo...that's what they're calling now, huh? "sudsing the goat"...allrighty then....do you still grow hair on your palms if you "suds the goat"? ;)

Corey Schwartz said...

Suds the goat? Ha! Hilarious :)

theneatos said...

suds the goat? Is that what the guys are calling it these days?


Seriously - glad you found the lil sucker!

the walking man said...

Dude you are an awesome tick magnet...not as good as a Porsche or Ferrari but what the hell you gotta work with what ya got.

DrillerAA09 said...

Seems to me there is a song about Ticks, I just don't believe that it applies to you. Carrie Underwood maybe, but not you.

David Cranmer said...

Hey, I just read The Hard Way. Well done amigo. And Y Not should be coming up at BTAP in one month's time.

Also, your co-workers sound like a hoot.

Deanna said...

Suds the goat lmao. Ticks are part of our spring/summer ritual like ants are to others. I'd love to see the wording on the worker's comp claim... "The tick had to have come from the PO because I suds the goat everyday"

pattinase (abbott) said...

I have taken down posts on several occasions when I realized I have done the same. Impetuous, my husband would tell you.

Beth said...

Wait until your kids start collecting your bloopers. They have very long memories...

Barrie said...

I think working with you must be a lot of fun!

Bubblewench said...

omg! Yeah, you'll never live this one down. Did they make you a tshirt yet?

Mr. Shife said...

Wow. I guess karma is keeping you in line. Hopefully you have learned your lesson mister.

pattinase (abbott) said...

Travis-mine is up early because I typed in AM.