Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I Should Wear Pink Underwear

Let's talk women's underwear.

But before we do, let me explain exactly how this subject came to be my latest blog post.

Last Saturday was the opening day of deer hunting here in Texas, and me being the procrastinator I am I chose to wait until Saturday morning to buy my license. After all, I wasn't going to hunt until Saturday afternoon and evening so no need to rush right down to my local sporting goods store and purchase said hunting license.

No ... It was much better to wait in a long line with the nine hundred or so other hunting procrastinators that dwell here in the fine city of Amarillo. Matter of fact, the line was so long it backed up into the clothing section at Academy Sports.

Now for those of you not fortunate to call The Lone Star State home you may not have heard of Academy Sports. They sell everything from exercise equipment to grilling items. Hunting fishing, Tennis shoes, athletic apparel. They sell it all for men, women and children.

So there I was standing in the long line with my two boys. As I said it extended back into the clothing area. The area reserved for sports apparel. Hats, shirts, jogging suits and the like all adorned with Longhorns, Aggies, Red Raiders and of course the ever-present blue star of the Dallas Cowboys.

My youngest son suddenly asks, "Dad, are team clothes all for girls?"
"No," I answer. "What makes you ask that?"
"Look," he points.


There was an entire rack of team logo panties. National Football League, Major League Baseball, NCAA. NBA Just about every sport was represented in both thong and lacy bikini brief style.

Now if a woman buys herself these cause she is a diehard fan and wants to show her support for her team I don't have a problem with it, but by show I mean show. There is no need to keep your team affiliation secret. Be proud, be bold. Show us who you root for. Hell, you may convince me to start cheering for your team.

But, and I suspect this is the case, if you are a woman who buys these to please your man, or you are a man who buys these for your gal than I got serious issue with it.

Don't get me wrong I'm happy as the next guy when Jennifer pulls for the teams I like. I find it nice to watch a sporting event together and cheer for the same team, but I don't need to see the Cornhusker logo or the gold Fleur-De-Lis of my beloved Saints to get me in the mood. Matter of fact I don't really want to things associated with sports such as sweaty men, and balls flitting into my mind at that given time.

Yes, scoring is a word associated with scantily clad women but you go bringing sports into the bedroom and the next thing you know there is some doofus in a striped shirt throwing a flag on you for illegal contact.

And while I'm ranting ... how ridiculous are these?


Camo is supposed to hide, disguise things. The last thing men want to do is make the goods harder to locate. I suppose women could be trying to hide themselves rather than relying on the old, "I've got a headache" line, but if that's the case they need to go outside and stand in a bush.

And again if this is about catering to a man's so-called interests than I say why. Most of us men are already interested without you going to so much trouble. Matter of fact, if this theory of encasing your genitalia in things the opposite sex really worked I would be wearing boxers adorned with my wife, Jennifer's favorite things.

What do y'all think? Would I look good in pink boxers plastered with the likeness of Vince Vaughn and QVC channel logo?

If I really wanted to go all out my new drawers would come with a button that when pushed would ask in Sam Elliott's, "Do you feel lucky tonight?"


Or better yet Sam could utter his old commercial slogan ...


45 comments:

Laura K. Curtis said...

I am weeping with laughter over here. Thanks for this post...I really needed it today.

jjdebenedictis said...

Okay, it's really not good for me to be laughing this hard at work over something non-work-related.

Mark Terry said...

I'm not that picky. Any, all, or none. Just show it to me. :)

Kristen Painter said...

I would totally buy and wear that Cowboys thong, because I've been a Cowboys fan since I remember watching football.

My husband, on the other hand, just roots for whoever's on his fantasy team.

Gemma said...

lol Oh my goodness. Awesome post.

Deborah Elliott-Upton said...

You scare me sometimes. :-)

G said...

Ouch.

I logged on to my computer in a fould mood this evening.

The first thing I see is a clip of this post on FB, so naturally I had come over here to check it out.

Thanks for bringing a smile to this grumpy guy's face this evening.

Janna Qualman said...

ROFL! I need me some o' those camos...

sybil law said...

I buy my own underwear, thank GOD. That stuff is hideous!
However, I hope your wife gets you some cute pink, camouflage boxers for Christmas!

Travis' Wife said...

I don't know if I want Vince Vaughn undies or Vince Vaughn's undies. hhahaaha. No one can beat a pair of Florida undies oh so comfy hahahaha.

Laurie Powers said...

Without a doubt the funniest post I've read this week. Thanks!

Cloudia said...

You can even make underwear thought provoking, Travis.



Aloha, Friend!


Comfort Spiral

Josh said...

............wow

the walking man said...

For all I know dude you have pink underwear on in the picture holding the fish. to be perfectly honest though...if you're not wearing a thong there is no need to profile for the crowd.


Were the Lions represented in the clothing section...rumor has it that's what they wear instead of a jock strap.

Colleen said...

So funny... and a guy wearing camo boxers or a pic of Vince would be a deal breaker.

Crystal Phares said...

Thank you Thank you Thank you. I so needed a laugh this morning!

Charles Gramlich said...

Vince Vaughn undies! I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

writtenwyrdd said...

The camo undies cracked me up. But I would actually buy those things. Because I think they are hilarious.

Hilarious rant, Travis.

tiggysmum70 said...

OMGosh!! That is soo freaking funny! I would say if Jennifer does not need you in Pink Underwear then you are right on!

For me team undies is very unsettling. I do not need to go that far to show that my team smells up the place like some people's rear ends! They do that all on their own! (GO BROWNS!)..... I am a die hard fan, but I will not go that far!!

Renee said...

Oh how happy I am that you visited my site, it led me here, where I had a good chuckle.

Renee xoxo

Elizabeth Bradley said...

I popped over because you visited my blog, and I'm glad I did. I needed a laugh today and you supplied one. Thanks.

Richmond Writer said...

Funny! Well written.

Eric said...

Thank you very much for the laugh, Travis. I'm trying my best NOT to imagine the items you describe so eloquently. Awesome post.

otin said...

I would think that you could have fun with some baseball themed underwear. Bats and balls, I am just saying...

Rick said...

I was almost afraid to read this. But it was so funny, that I'm glad I did.

DrillerAA09 said...

I'm afraid that my shorts would harken back to the days of the old Wendy's commercial..."Where's the beef?" Oh well, that's life.

The Weaver of Grass said...

Thanks for visiting my blog Travis - I can hardly type this for laughing, having just read yours! And so true.

The Weaver of Grass said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Monnik said...

Oh Travis... I lover your blog. Please continue to write in it when you become rich and famous, ok?

This post had me laughing as much as the one you wrote a while back about a Moroccan Bazaar air freshener.

:)

Your other wife said...

Excellant post. I wonder where it all comes from. It is all very true though. thanks for the laugh. if i were you I would burn those florida panties. now those are scary

Jewel/Pink Ink said...

Pink underwear should be mandated for everyone, male or female. I bet Pres. Obama already has some law in the works to this effect.

Corrie Howe said...

Here! Here! Couldn't have said it better. Although, I'd pay to see you wearing Mark Harmon boxers.

Dara said...

LOL!!!

And those camo panties are hideous...

Kathryn Magendie said...

LAUGHING ARSE OFF!!!!!!!!!!! hawww! oh geez - heehehhehehhe

you are something else...

Frank Baron said...

Travis, many thongs for the yuks. ;)

T. Anne said...

LOL! Now that's some serious team spirit they're selling. I'd be curious how sales were doing. ;)

Lisa and Laura said...

Hilarious. The sheer randomness of this pleases me. Immensely. I'm totally looking into getting my husband boxers with Tim Gunn's face plastered all over them. Awesome.

Stephen Tremp said...

Real men wear pink underwear. At least the ones in jail in Arizona.

Stephen Tremp

lyzzydee said...

The thing is they must actually sell that stuff or they wouldn't have it on the shelf!!!
Made me laugh, the QVC boxers!

"And so our stories go..." said...

Gives me an original view of how men think...I thought any thong would do. Guess I'll have to throw away all my cami panties. Thanks for the laugh, Travis. After my day I need it.

Nishant said...

on the other hand, just roots for whoever's on his fantasy team. Work from home India

pattinase (abbott) said...

I'll stick to tee shirts, I think.

The Unknown Missourian said...

Did they have those in the Men's section and in my size?

-Tum

Lana Gramlich said...

I prefer German sausage, myself. Mit kraut! ;)

Junosmom said...

Good post, Travis.