Let's talk women's underwear.
But before we do, let me explain exactly how this subject came to be my latest blog post.
Last Saturday was the opening day of deer hunting here in Texas, and me being the procrastinator I am I chose to wait until Saturday morning to buy my license. After all, I wasn't going to hunt until Saturday afternoon and evening so no need to rush right down to my local sporting goods store and purchase said hunting license.
No ... It was much better to wait in a long line with the nine hundred or so other hunting procrastinators that dwell here in the fine city of Amarillo. Matter of fact, the line was so long it backed up into the clothing section at Academy Sports.
Now for those of you not fortunate to call The Lone Star State home you may not have heard of Academy Sports. They sell everything from exercise equipment to grilling items. Hunting fishing, Tennis shoes, athletic apparel. They sell it all for men, women and children.
So there I was standing in the long line with my two boys. As I said it extended back into the clothing area. The area reserved for sports apparel. Hats, shirts, jogging suits and the like all adorned with Longhorns, Aggies, Red Raiders and of course the ever-present blue star of the Dallas Cowboys.
My youngest son suddenly asks, "Dad, are team clothes all for girls?"
"No," I answer. "What makes you ask that?"
"Look," he points.
There was an entire rack of team logo panties. National Football League, Major League Baseball, NCAA. NBA Just about every sport was represented in both thong and lacy bikini brief style.
Now if a woman buys herself these cause she is a diehard fan and wants to show her support for her team I don't have a problem with it, but by show I mean show. There is no need to keep your team affiliation secret. Be proud, be bold. Show us who you root for. Hell, you may convince me to start cheering for your team.
But, and I suspect this is the case, if you are a woman who buys these to please your man, or you are a man who buys these for your gal than I got serious issue with it.
Don't get me wrong I'm happy as the next guy when Jennifer pulls for the teams I like. I find it nice to watch a sporting event together and cheer for the same team, but I don't need to see the Cornhusker logo or the gold Fleur-De-Lis of my beloved Saints to get me in the mood. Matter of fact I don't really want to things associated with sports such as sweaty men, and balls flitting into my mind at that given time.
Yes, scoring is a word associated with scantily clad women but you go bringing sports into the bedroom and the next thing you know there is some doofus in a striped shirt throwing a flag on you for illegal contact.
And while I'm ranting ... how ridiculous are these?
Camo is supposed to hide, disguise things. The last thing men want to do is make the goods harder to locate. I suppose women could be trying to hide themselves rather than relying on the old, "I've got a headache" line, but if that's the case they need to go outside and stand in a bush.
And again if this is about catering to a man's so-called interests than I say why. Most of us men are already interested without you going to so much trouble. Matter of fact, if this theory of encasing your genitalia in things the opposite sex really worked I would be wearing boxers adorned with my wife, Jennifer's favorite things.
What do y'all think? Would I look good in pink boxers plastered with the likeness of Vince Vaughn and QVC channel logo?
If I really wanted to go all out my new drawers would come with a button that when pushed would ask in Sam Elliott's, "Do you feel lucky tonight?"
Or better yet Sam could utter his old commercial slogan ...