Muse failing to arouse your creative side?
Are your sentences and paragraphs limp and lifeless?
Luckily, I have the answer to your creatile dysfunction.
Grab one of these fancy pens and the words will rise out of you.
New story ideas will penetrate you mind.
Your prose will be firmer.
Your sentences longer.
But a word of warning.
Do not use this pen in conjunction with alcohol or mood altering drugs, even if they are your normal muse seducing method, as doing so may cause a sudden, unsafe drop in blood pressure.
Discuss your writing career with your literary agent to ensure that you are healthy enough to engage in the use of this pen while writing. If you experience chest pain, nausea, or any other discomforts during writing, seek immediate help from a reputable critique group.
In the rare event of a writing session lasting more than 4 hours, keep your ass in your chair.
If you are older than age 65, or have serious liver or kidney problems, your literary agent may start you at the lowest dose (.5 mm) rollerball version of this pen or may limit you to a maximum single dose of 50 ML of fountain ink in a 48-hour period.
In rare instances, men using this creatile dysfunction pen reported a sudden decrease or loss of vision. It is not possible to determine whether these events are related directly to this writing instrument or to other factors such as rejection letters and over exposure to spam emails from a variety of vanity presses. If you experience sudden decrease or loss of vision, stop using this pen and call your literary agent right away.
Sudden decrease or loss of hearing has been rarely reported in people using this pen. It is not possible to determine whether these events are related directly to this pen or to other factors like the inability to land the above mentioned literary agent. If you experience sudden decrease or loss of hearing, stop using this pen contact an agent that is actively looking for new writers.
This pen should not be used with other treatments that cause a swelling of your creativity.
This pen does not protect against literary diseases, including purple-prosorrhea, tellamydia, or info-dumpyffilis.
The most common side effects of this pen are hand cramping, unreal expectations, and stating the obvious such as ... Chicken shit is rank. See the writing example in the above picture for further proof. Less commonly, blurred vision, sensitivity to light, and the inability of friends and family to recognize you may briefly occur.