Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Evil Bidding

After cranking out three bestsellers, E! Entertainment Chelsea Lately host Chelsea Handler has taken the next step forward. She has been given her own imprint by her publisher, the Hachette Book Group USA division Grand Central Publishing.

I read the above blurb in this article

Deeper down in the article Handler was quoted ...  

"I'll be editing and overseeing, while my family and friends make money off me and get something back from the torture I've put them through. I've got a couple other ideas and people I want to see write books."

Okay, given the fact that Chelsea has no earthly idea of the existence of this big hairy Texan I'm fairly certain I am not one of the people she means. But I choose to believe Miss handler would love my memoir ... The Feedstore Chronicles.

Why you ask?

One, she likes Texans. According to a coworker who religiously watches Miss Handler's show on E!, Chelsea Lately, Miss Handler currently has a swarm of gay Texans residing with her. I may not be a gay Texan but I have been known to write a romance novel and that has to account for something.

Two. Think of the comedic goldmine Miss Handler could reap from having me on the show alongside Chewy. A big hairy Texan and Mexican midget.

Three. The Feedstore Chronicles is a crude and at times offensive memoir. Not unlike her book Are you There Vodka, It's Me Chelsea. Sure, she had no tales about bulldog masturbation or stolen prosthetic legs, but her tale of identity theft and the resulting jail house lesbianism is as funny as books get.


Four, my desperate attempts to sell my literary soul to the Devil pleas to get either Oprah or Rick Perry on board failed miserable ...

So in honor of what I know would be a book marriage made in heaven Texas the fertile fields of my imagination, I'm launching a twitter campaign to annoy persuade Miss Handler she is missing something great by not grabbing The Feedstore Chronicles for her new imprint.

Help me out by sending her a tweet mentioning me and The Feedstore Chronicles. 

Send your manifesto to  @chelseahandler at


Debra She Who Seeks said...

I can just see you cackling, Travis, and saying "Fly, my minions, fly!" Good luck with the campaign!

Old Kitty said...

Miss Handler will be kicking herself and a few others if she misses out on this opportunity with you!! I say go twitters!!! Go!!!
Good luck!!
p.s. not being a twitterer type of person (erm, I don't even have a mobile phone..ahem) I'm not much good to you with this campaign!
:-) But I'm there twittering away in spirit!!

Take care

WordVixen said...

Given Chelsea Handler's sense of humor? If she didn't publish it, she sure as hell would read it, and likely interview you on her show.

Cloudia said...

This is why Texas is great!

Think big-ish, Trav :)

Aloha from Waikiki :)

Comfort Spiral



Terrie Farley Moran said...

I don't have a twitter account. Is there another way I can harass her on your behalf?


the walking man said...

Hate to break it to you pard..but like the rest here I do not twit on twitter.

Borderline Amazing is the name of the imprint and it is apparently bestowed by Hatchette a french company that bought out Time Warner. The imprint itself is run by her company which currently handles her television show.

I would suggest that you upstake and stalk her...wife and kids in tow because as of this moment there are no submission guidelines or what type of material they are looking for. Maybe if you threw a prosthetic leg in front of her car...

Junosmom said...

On the edge of stardom, you are.

Charles Gramlich said...

I've seen a piece or two of her standup, which was pretty funny. Haven't read any of her stuff although the titles are kind of funny.

tripleZmom said...

I did your evil bidding on Twitter. But I had to mention bulldog masturbation.