Thursday, January 27, 2011

Tall Tales

 Post before last I included a picture of myself and one of my weekly critique partners. Someone on Facebook then commented that I was either really tall or she is really short. I responded that I was 6'5" and than spawned a discussion about height. They complained that at only a hair over 5 foot life is harder for them. I wasn't quick witted enough to fire right back but after a bit of deliberations I have now created a list of hardships that plague we taller than average folks.

Y'all know by know I have a penchant for Top 10 list so here they are in reverse order or life altering impact.

 10) Due to my height, I will never be crowed world Limbo champ.

9) My odds of being struck by lightening, especially here in the tree deprived Texas Panhandle, are greater than those built closer to the ground.

8) I have a hell of a time folding my legs into most roller coaster cars and then when i do my knees stick up thus preventing the safety bar from fitting as snug as it does for others thereby increasing my fear factor and upping the potential of a life ending heart attack.

7) My feet tend to hang off motel mattresses increasing my chances of catching a cold due to frost bitten tootsies.


6) I am clumsy and despite this assertion I have routinely been selected far to soon in man a pickup basketball game only to gravely disappoint the person doing the picking. My vertical jump is just shy of 2 inches and that fact renders me useless beneath the net. it is never fun to disappoint others.

5) Airplane seats. They suck and those damn trays whack me in the knee and do not sit evenly if my feet are flat on the floor.  

4)  Dance partners. Now I'm no Fred Astair but on occasion I enjoy a bit of two stepping and it's cumbersome to bend to accommodate shorter women. Luckily, Jennifer is my dance partner throughout life at at 5' 10 she is on the taller side herself. 

3) Low Hanging Ceiling fans do not make the best barbers.


2) You go out and try to find jeans with a 40" inseam. 


and the numero uno disadvantage to being taller than the average bear? 

1) Vertical Sex - yep you've seen those steamy shower scenes in movies. Read about the viral man pinning his lover against the wall and engaging in some sultry lovemaking while standing.



Well guess what? That section of the Kama Sutra doesn't work too well when you gotta turn into crouching tiger, in order to hide your dragon.


22 comments:

andrea frazer said...

Wow, 6'5! Now I get the name of your blog! How's the writing going?

Lynn Alexander said...

Oh my, that's tall.

I didn't think people REALLY had such shower scenes. I would be thinking about slipping and breaking a hip the whole time.

the walking man said...

Ok I liked the fan one. But then no barber is a good barber I my world...now counter post with top 10 reasons being above the crowd is good.

Old Kitty said...

It's all that meat you eat!
LOL! Take care x

Being Beth said...

My husband has the same problem at 6'4" and size 15 feet. Style sometimes has to just become secondary to just owning a pair of shoes or jeans.

The worst for him is his love for opera and live theatre. The people who design theaters must be under 6' with short legs and tiny feet. IT's so miserable to spend 2-4 hours crammed in a seat with the view of the stage seen only through the space between your knees.

We never sit beside one another, but rather we buy tickets with all of us sitting in a vertical line on end seats of aisles so when the lights go dim legs can be stretched out into the aisle.

DrillerAA09 said...

At 6'-0" I cannot experience all of your difficulties, but it is currently my width that will keep me from picking up that limbo trophy. That and my age.

A. K. said...

Dude you are insanely tall....

Travis Erwin said...

Andrea - Still plugging away. I have a short story coming out in an ebook anthology in a few months and still working to find homes for several novels.

Lynn - Maybe it is all a myth but height is my excuse.

Walking man - I will do just that sir.

Travis Erwin said...

Kitty - Yeah i like it when someone says you won't grow up to be big and strong unless you eat your veggies.

Beth - Stadium seats, theater seats. they are all too crammed for guys our size.

Driller - I have width issues as well.

Travis Erwin said...

A K - I'm stacked full of insanity.

B.E. Sanderson said...

Both my brothers are tall like you, so I totally feel for you. On the upside, tall people get to see over the heads of everyone else. So finding my brothers in a crowd was never very hard. =o)

Eric said...

Heck, that's nothing. My cousin is a towering 6'8". You think you got problems? LOL

Just kidding Travis, great list.

Iman said...

Number eight is a positive, not a negative. It is a thrill ride.

Hilary said...

A very funny list. And now I know that I should never share a roller coaster car with a really tall person.

Laurel said...

Ditto on 6 & 5. Also, back pain starts younger. And I know how much dust is on top of my refrigerator.

The Happy Whisk said...

That was a fun read. I liked them all but number 3, I enjoyed the most. Good job. Great read. Until next time, Happy Eating.

jjdebenedictis said...

In my grandparent's farm house, the bathroom in the back porch has a 6' doorway.

Now, my siblings and I have been running around that house since we could walk. Our ingrained knowledge tells us we know the place pretty well.

Except I grew to 6' and my brother to 6'3". And our brains are still comfortable with the idea we can blithely stroll around that house in perfect safety.

As a result, whenever I walk into that bathroom, I get a ruffle of the hair and an unpleasant realization I've narrowly avoided concussing myself.

My brother, however, doesn't fare so lucky.

Frank Baron said...

But on the plus side, you can see over other peoples' heads at parades.

G said...

Another disadvantage to being tall is that you can't lose people in the shopping mall at Christmas time.

Phats said...

dang you're tall!! I am on the shorter side of things
I have seen people have trouble in roller coasters with leg room, and I will remember not to draft you on my summer league hoops team

Charles Gramlich said...

Lana is short enough so that she makes me feel 6' 5"

your other wife said...

Remind me to never ride a roller coaster with you!!! Where does the crouching tiger and dragon thing come from? Oh and by the way you still have to dance with me occassionally!!!!