Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Call A Priest

For years now I've been preaching both on this blog and in person that Lettuce is The Devil. But Satan is a wily character and can sneak up on a man anytime, anyplace, via any variety of means. Of course we men are most weak when it comes to those we love.

Recently a desperate plea came to me via twitter ...

  @ made me eat a whole wheat pita with spinach and grilled chicken! Help me Obi-Wan, your my only hope!
 
  
I responded to his call with this tweet  ... 
@ Tell @ that's the culinary equivalent of making a man sit to piss. Only sexual favors can amend such an act.
The ever grateful Charles responded with ...
 
@ @ YES, MY BROTHER!!! I knew you would hear my cry!!
 
But his poor wife Crystal was under the evil ones grip and answered us in this demonic fashion  ...
@ @ Oh, you big babies.
To be fair I knew Crystal before Charles. When I say know I mean we read and comment on each others blog. Crystal is a writer and avid reader which earns points for me, but over time I've learned Charles is a fellow meat eater and stand up guy. Only today did I even discover he also blogs.

And it was his most recent post that shook me to the core. The atrocities he describes are more than I can bear, but i think we cans till save poor Charles from and his recently possessed wife from the depths of a fiery hell that not even Dante could have imagined.  I warn you the scenes he describes are gruesome and not for the faint of heart. But this man needs help, so please stop by his blog and offer a word of encouragement. or of you live anywhere near Alabama, he is in desperate need of a T-Bone. 

The post can be found here ...


The Posey Life: The Granola Bar Story:
 

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

HILARIOUS! IN TEARS!

Anonymous said...

Oops, that was me, Travis.

Crystal

Donna Weaver said...

Funny post, Travis. Is something wrong with the link?

" The webpage cannot be found"

Travis Erwin said...

Donna -- I think I fixed the link.

Crystal -- See under the Devil's grip your mind is turning to mush. soon you won't even recall how to turn on a computer.

Charles said...

Travis, I can't thank you enough! This is so dead on and I hope Crystal can find the redemption she needs. I will sure be there helping her all the way. I'll bet if I hold up a steak she will come to the light.

Old Kitty said...

Sorry you big beautiful babies, I'm with Crystal!
:-)

You are all powerless to stop The Spinach.

Take care
x

Debra She Who Seeks said...

That poor man. Malnutrition is a helluva way to go.

Eric said...

LOL, the dire circumstances our loved ones drag us through. Bless you Travis, for bringing this atrocity to light.

Charles Gramlich said...

Whole wheat pita. My god will the torment and evil neve end? We recently got some of these, by accident. We ate a few bites and threw the rest out to the critters. A week later, most were still there, except for those eaten by the possum.

alex keto said...

Travis,
What's your mailing address? I think you're just the guy for this.

"Exotic Vegetable Of The Month Club is designed to provide 10 Lbs. of fresh Exotic Vegetables to our members."

Now, not only can you be inundated with veggy goodness, you won't even recognize/know what you're eating.

How about some nice steamy Foo Gwa (bitter melon) or some tasty Mao Qwa (fuzzy squash, dunno, that's the translation) or some Fish Wort herb on your salad?

Annie said...

Funny!