Sunday, October 30, 2011

Fertilizing For The Future

Pardon my French ... but the world is going to shit.

There are few things under the sun as pure as the joy of a child. And nothing brings on that joy like Christmas morning.

I still remember that eager anticipation I felt the night before ...  The vow to stay up and listen for even the faintest of sounds from Santa ... The straining to hear the tinkling of bells ... the heaviness of my eyelids.

Then the surprise come morning when i realize I did fall asleep. The bounding from bed and rush to the tree.

Yep, that was pure joy.

But what if? What if I arrived at the tree only to find this stinker of a gift idea. 

Sadly this little gift for kids is real. and even worse it is making the hot items list. yeah it's hot all right. It's a regular steaming pile of ...

From what I gather the kids playing this game take turns walking this plastic dog which is crammed full of a Play Doh like substance. The leash has a button that when pushed makes "gassy sounds." Eventually the gassy sound is followed by a plop and the lucky kiddo gets to clean up the aftermath. The "winner is the first child that gets to scoop poop for the third time.

Hell, not even Charlie Sheen would call that winning.

Come on people. Bring back jack, pick up sticks, hell the Stretch Armstrong I got in 1977 was better that Doggie Doo. Sure I busted it pen and to this day that goo is still stuck to the baseboard in my dad's house but at least Stretch wasn't crammed full of shit, or a substance meant to replace excrement.

Where do we go from here? A game called, Who wants to Change Granny's Depends?

As kids we don;t realize it, but it ain't that far a trip from childhood until adulthood. The time will come when every responsible adult finds themselves int he backyard, shovel in hand, wondering where they tookt he wrong turn that lead to them shoveling Fido's crap on a Saturday afternoon. Let's not speed up that journey by ruining your kids Christmas with work passed off as play.

On second thought I might just buy my buy the special edition Scotch Bright SpongeBob Action Figure complete with particle removing scrub action. That way I can watch the ball game Christmas day rather than doing dishes.



Cloudia said...

Rare form, and very enjoyable view of our rotten times, Trav!

Aloha from Honolulu

Comfort Spiral

> < } } ( ° >

Angie said...

Oh, good grief. :/ Watch that thing'll be the most popular kiddy gift this year. [shudder]


DrillerAA09 said...

Just another way to ruin Christmas for everyone.
I guess the only up side to Doggy Doo is that you don't have to board him when you travel, and you only have to clean up after him when you're in the mood. I don't ever remember being in the mood to clean up after my dogs. That's why I don't have one now.

Charles Gramlich said...

I'm at a loss for barks.

Hilary said...

This rivals the toy I once saw in a commercial for "Commando Barnyard Animals" or something similar. I thought it was a joke and would think the same about this one.

Deanna said...

Seriously???? Hey, no more jokes about granny's depends... my day is not that far off ;)

Travis Erwin said...

Yep. I'm serious. i first spotted it at Wal-Mart and then looked online in prep for this post and was surprised to see it on several hot Christmas items lists.

Karin Huddleston said...

Sadly my 3 year saw this commercial and has been asking for "that game where the dog poops" ever since.

What the hell?!?

Melissa Marsh said...

Oh dear. I was blissfully unaware of this product. As a gag gift, I can see its merits, but as an everyday toy for kids? Nope.

BTW, the Huskers played AWESOME on Saturday. I watched the whole game and actually felt sorry for Michigan State's quarterback by the end of the game. Poor guy kept getting sacked.

pattinase (abbott) said...

These are the times that try men's souls.

Steve Skinner said...

I can't wait to get my own can!

Mr. Shife said...

Sweet sassy molassey that is a shitty present. Happy Halloween Travis. I know it is a special day for you. Have a good one.

April said...

I saw that at Walmart the other day. bleh!