Seems like a good time to make a confession.
I despise Christmas music. Now before the shouts of Ebenezer get too loud let me point out it's not the holiday or season I dislike simply the soundtrack. Well, that and the glitter.
In honor of my confession I'm going to rank the 10 Worst (Fairly Well-Known) Christmas Songs. Sure there are even bigger monstrosities out there. Every Christmas song by the Beach Boys, the festive slop mainstream country hurls from Nashville, and those damn screechy Chipmunks but I tried to focus on the ones that radio stations play every hours this month.
10) You Are a Mean One, Mr Grinch - We tell our kids not to be bullies and yet here is this song that does nothing but belittle and ridicule. I dislike green things as much as anyone but where the the holiday cheer in this one?
9) The Twelve Days Of Christmas - True love my ass. better than half the crap on that list is worthless or flat out irritating. and speaking of being irritated the repetitive nature of this song makes it the B-I-N-G-O of yuletide entertainment.
8) All I Want For Christmas Is You - Who wrote
this? John Hinckley Jr?
7) A Wonderful Christmas Time - Come on Paul McCartney. Quit trying to pretend you are as talented as John Lennon was. Lennon's Happy Christmas had meaning. Your song is a cancerous ear worm that lingers in it's victims longer than fruitcake in the pantry.
6) Santa Claus Is Coming To Town - The musical equivalent to George Orwell's novel 1984. And yet another reason to fear Big Brother.
5) Christmas Shoes - Hey let's all gather 'round and sing a song about momma dying. Yeah, That's festive.
4) Santa Baby - Nothing creates that giving spirit like a song glorifying gold diggers.
3) All I Want A Hippopotamus for Christmas - This little ditty teaches our kids bad rhymes and promotes unreasonable expectations.
2) I Saw Mamma Kissing Santa - Gotta love a song calling mom out as a two-timing whore.
1) Grandma Got Ran Over By A Reindeer - This song has it all ... alcoholism (grandma staggering around drunk on eggnog), death (grandma), compassion (grandpa already trifling around with cousin Belle), necrophilia (incriminating Clause marks on her back), sacrilege (disparaging SAINT Nick as a blond fool) ... all wrapped up in a horrendously gaudy package.
So tell me what bad holiday song did I miss?