Last week I wrote about my days as a freakishly large Easter Bunny and the beat down that occurred after a little birdy flitted by. Today, I'll share another Bunny Funny.
A lot of kids are scared of costumes critters anyway, but when you are a nine-foot amazonian rabbit a higher percentage of children clutch their parent's leg. But a determined mom or dad is a mighty determined thing. As was the case with this one mom and her little girl.
The girl as about three and her Junior Leagish mom was in her late twenties or so. The girl was terrified and refused to come within five foot of the bunny's throne. I remained seated knowing if I stood the little girl would run creaming in terror.
The mom came and knealt beside me and whispered to her daughter in soft tones. "See, the Easter bunny is nice." The mom shook my hand. "Don't you want you picture with the Easter bunny?"
The little girl shook her head.
The mom patted my knee with her right hand. "Oooh feel how soft the bunny's fur is." She extended her left hand toward her child.
The girl inched closer.
This went back and forth for several minutes. The mom would pat and whisper things like, "The Easter Bunny loves you. Don't you want to send grandma a picture of you in your pretty dress?" And see how nice the Bunny is. And soft."
The whole time the little girl was inching closer. Problem was, the mom had ceased paying attention to me inside the suit. Her focus was on her daughter and each time she patted my leg her hand creeped higher. The first pats were at my knee, then my upper leg, thigh, and ... you guessed it -- the ol' Peter Cottontail.
The mom hand patted once, twice, and then her face turned a shade of red brighter than any Easter egg dye and in an instance she mumbled an apology and scooped up her daughter and raced down the mall toward Dillards.
Galen asked me what I'd done to her her and I said, "It's not what I did to her, it's what she did to me."
You might ask why I didn't stop her encroaching hand before it got that far. A couple of reasons -- 1) I was trying to keep still so as not to frighten the little girl.
2) It was one of those things that happened faster than your brain can think.
3) This story would have stuck if I had.
Remember, yesterdays post where I asked what had warped you? I'm guessing that woman wound up on a couch talking about the time she felt up the Easter Bunny.
Look At Peter Go,
None of you will ever hear that song the same way again, and I might be demented, but that sort of makes me proud. And yes, I realize this entire post is warped. Might be my blog theme of the week.