Friday, March 14, 2008

Hopping Down The Bunny Trail

Last week I wrote about my days as a freakishly large Easter Bunny and the beat down that occurred after a little birdy flitted by. Today, I'll share another Bunny Funny.

A lot of kids are scared of costumes critters anyway, but when you are a nine-foot amazonian rabbit a higher percentage of children clutch their parent's leg. But a determined mom or dad is a mighty determined thing. As was the case with this one mom and her little girl.

The girl as about three and her Junior Leagish mom was in her late twenties or so. The girl was terrified and refused to come within five foot of the bunny's throne. I remained seated knowing if I stood the little girl would run creaming in terror.

The mom came and knealt beside me and whispered to her daughter in soft tones. "See, the Easter bunny is nice." The mom shook my hand. "Don't you want you picture with the Easter bunny?"

The little girl shook her head.

The mom patted my knee with her right hand. "Oooh feel how soft the bunny's fur is." She extended her left hand toward her child.

The girl inched closer.

This went back and forth for several minutes. The mom would pat and whisper things like, "The Easter Bunny loves you. Don't you want to send grandma a picture of you in your pretty dress?" And see how nice the Bunny is. And soft."

The whole time the little girl was inching closer. Problem was, the mom had ceased paying attention to me inside the suit. Her focus was on her daughter and each time she patted my leg her hand creeped higher. The first pats were at my knee, then my upper leg, thigh, and ... you guessed it -- the ol' Peter Cottontail.

The mom hand patted once, twice, and then her face turned a shade of red brighter than any Easter egg dye and in an instance she mumbled an apology and scooped up her daughter and raced down the mall toward Dillards.

Galen asked me what I'd done to her her and I said, "It's not what I did to her, it's what she did to me."

You might ask why I didn't stop her encroaching hand before it got that far. A couple of reasons -- 1) I was trying to keep still so as not to frighten the little girl.
2) It was one of those things that happened faster than your brain can think.
3) This story would have stuck if I had.

Remember, yesterdays post where I asked what had warped you? I'm guessing that woman wound up on a couch talking about the time she felt up the Easter Bunny.

Hippity, hoppity
Look At Peter Go,

None of you will ever hear that song the same way again, and I might be demented, but that sort of makes me proud. And yes, I realize this entire post is warped. Might be my blog theme of the week.

26 comments:

Melissa Marsh said...

You've done it again, Travis - made me try to smother my laughter at work. Ha!

Michele said...

OMG, Travis! That's frickin' hilarious. That mom still has to be embarrassed whenever she remembers that...Oh, geez.

Britta Coleman said...

Great post, Travis! This reminded me of David Sedaris and his tales of being a Santa's Elf in New York. Funny stuff...you should consider putting together a collection.

angel, jr. said...

I have no words...

ChristineEldin said...

Hahahahahaha!!!!

I love your holiday stories!!! This one is priceless!
:-)

Moanna said...

This story is even better than the one yesterday where you were soccer coach to a little girl who didn't like to run. Thanks for the laughs.

Sam said...

I am not telling my daughter why I'm laughing so hard. Luckily she's on the other side of the room.
As an editor I have to point out that the words creaming and screaming have nothing in common. And as an erotic romance writer, I never thought of putting creaming and terror together.
:-D

Ello said...

Oh HAAAAAAAAAAAAA! You made me spray!

That is great! God I wish I had been there to see it!

The Anti-Wife said...

That's one of the funniest true stories I ever heard!

Lana Gramlich said...

OMG!!! I'm DYING here!

Skiingred said...

Hysterical! I wonder how the mom explained her sudden change of heart to her daughter :)

Skiingred said...

Hysterical! I wonder how the mom explained her sudden change of heart to her daughter :)

Marla said...

Oh my! I can see why that mom was bright red! Are you sure though she did not do it on purpose?;)

Charles Gramlich said...

Maybe that mommie had a thing for wascally wabbits.

Cicily Janus said...

OMG...Once again, you have made me break a rib or tendon or two by your wit.

I would have died.

~C

preTzel said...

What? She didn't like your carrot? LOLOL!

lyzzydee said...

Brilliant Story!!
Don't die of shock, but I have done my town monday tonight on Sunday, becasue I am too knackered to stay up any later to post after midnight!!! Sue me!!

Terrie Farley Moran said...

Hi Travis,

My Town Monday is up on women of mystery, too.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day.

Terrie

Lana Gramlich said...

FYI, my MTM post is up at; http://lucidflora.blogspot.com/2008/03/my-town-monday_16.html

Ello said...

Hey Travis - my town monday post is up!

Lana Gramlich said...

Uh oh...no Travis on a Monday? I hope you're okay...

Beth said...

Hahaha! Hilarious!

debra said...

I hope you're ok, too Travis. My MTM update is posted.

Patti said...

ong! where is your monday post?! you are throwing me off...

:P fuzzbox said...

That's why rabbits are so quiet during sex. Cottonballs.

Rocketstar said...

She left without a happy ending?