Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Top 10 Signs You Are New to Texas ... and Trying Too Hard To Fit In

 DAY 5 of ... Ten straight days of Top 10 lists in anticipation of the arrival of October 10th, 2010.  Why do I care so much about 10/10/10? Hell if I know, but a guy's gotta blog about something right. Feel free to join in any or all of the days with your own lists or expand on any of mine.


Top 10 Signs You Are New to Texas ... and Trying Too Hard To Fit In

10. You move to the Lone Star State and promptly purchase a 3 acre plot of land ... you have the gall to name the joint and describe it as a ranch.


9. You listen to nothing but country music ... Nashville country.


8. You drink only Texas brewed beer ... That beer is Lone Star and not Shiner Bock.




7.  You head down to your favorite bar and grill and order a basket of calf fries ... but lose your appetite when you realize potatoes are not even an ingredient.


6. You buy yourself a pair of cowboy boots and a fancy western belt buckle ... the toe of the boots are so pointed you can kill a cockroach hiding in the corner of the room and the buckle is bigger than your wife's serving platter.


5. You know all the lyrics to all the songs of your 3 favorite Texas born singing legends ... Those legends are named Kelly Clarkson, Beyonce, and Jessica Simpson and not ZZ Top, Willie, Joplin, or Buddy Holly.


4. You hit a gun show and buy yourself a militia's worth of firepower ... The ATF out of Waco gets wind of your purchases and pays you a visit.


3. You buy the state's favorite football team ... but immediately fire the NFL squad's legendary fedora clad coach and replace him with a swaggering braggart, whose sideline prowess and draft room success overshadows you so you run him off and bring in a total doofus from Norman, Oklahoma. When your team continues to slide into mediocrity you run through a handful of coaches and finally decide to way to success is to build a monstrosity of a stadium. You try to convince the world that your team will make the Super Bowl simply because the game is going to be played in your mega facility. It doesn't work. No one forgets you are from Arkansas.




2. Someone offers you a Dublin Dr Pepper .. but you turn them down because you are ticked since you've always thought Dr Pepper was invented in Texas, not Ireland.


1. You drive a pickup truck ... said pickup is hornier than you are.





Today's topic was suggest by B Nagel. His blog can be found here. Do me a favor, stop by his place and tell him Travis sent you.

32 comments:

Janna Qualman said...

Mmm... Dr Pepper...

No worries here! Although we did name our three acres here...

savannah said...

these were great! now i need a dr pepper and a frito pie! xoxoxo

AvDB said...

I don't think any of those things you listed has ever crossed my radar (except of course ZZ Top, Willie and Buddy).

Dr. Pepper is battery acid and Texas can keep my share.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Hey, I know all about Dublin Dr. Pepper from Yellowdog Granny's blog! Oooo, I feel like a real insider!

Posey said...

This is my favorite so far!

the walking man said...

Well now there are ten things I will never have to concern myself with.

patti said...

my belt buckle has a (beer)bottle opener underneath. BOOM!

Melissa Marsh said...

A belt buckle bigger than your wife's serving platter...LOL!

B. Nagel said...

Nice list!

I knew pointy boots and belt buckles were going to play in, but I'm surprised you didn't say anything about nut-hugger jeans.

Alyssa Goodnight said...

I think you summed it up perfectly!

Old Kitty said...

I have a friend who lives in Houston and I visited her years ago and stayed for 2 weeks. We went to Galveston - that was very nice. I think that was the first ever time I was cajoled into doing some line dancing (on a dance floor that went round for some reason!).

take care
x

Charles Gramlich said...

Z. Z. Top!

Aleta said...

Lol, loved the last one. I have relatives in Texas and they do some of those things. Too funny.

Travis Erwin said...

Charles I was expecting a comment from you on Jerry Jones and the Arkansas crack I made.

Travis Erwin said...

Aleta, we can be strange.

Travis Erwin said...

Old Kitty - Line dancing is a nasty habit on par with smoking and vegetarianism.

Travis Erwin said...

Alyssa - I always like to make a fellow Texan proud.

Travis Erwin said...

B - Nut hugger jeans do not scare me as much as tree huggers.

Travis Erwin said...

Melissa - Sadly that is truer than most of the others on this list.

Travis Erwin said...

Patti - Now that is multi-tasking!

Travis Erwin said...

Mark - One of these days you should come on down and see how Texas. I'll be your tour guide.

Travis Erwin said...

Posey- Does this list scare you off from moving here?

Travis Erwin said...

Debra - DP is the God's nectar.

Travis Erwin said...

Avery - Only the pure of heart can sip DP with feeling the burn.

Travis Erwin said...

Savannah Now I have the Frito Bandito song stuck in my head again.

Travis Erwin said...

Janna - Would love to see a list from you about Missouri and trying too hard.

Teresa said...

Hi Travis, I love your lists. Every day they provide me with my therapeutic laugh of the day. Thanks for stopping by my blog. As you said, I am busy, busy. Sorry for not commenting on each list. The armadillo with the beer bottle is a great picture (almost as good as your lettuce head with horns, tail, and pitchfork).

Diane said...

You forgot about the BBQ joints. When my husband has to travel there that's what he eats 3 times a day. :O) He always wonders why he gains 10 pounds a trip....

Cloudia said...

This post actually made sense to me, a non-Texan. I get it; fools are fools the world over. Happily, I agreed with your "right answers."
Willie yea! Kelly yawn.
I am a Dr, Pepper fan though, and enjoyed learning about Dublin. Someday I must make a pilgrimage!


Warm Aloha from Waikiki, Trav

Comfort Spiral

Tina said...

Hahaha that is awesome! I see I am not trying hard to fit in as I haven't picked up any of those habits ;) I have heard from my friend in West, Texas that she loves those Dublin Dr. Peppers and I had no idea what she meant for awhile...chuckle :)

p.s... you look a lot like my brother!

the Lola Letters said...

Calf fries?
Ugh!

Not new to Texas...but it would be QUITE obvious if I was!

Good luck with you submissions!

Fingers crossed.
(Not that you need it. Your writing can hold its own.

G said...

I think Nashville country is prevalent no matter what part of the country you're from.

Want real country? Don't listen to commercial radio.

BTW: my word verify is "unsign", which to George Orwell's logic makes me an "unperson".