Top 10 Signs You Are New to Texas ... and Trying Too Hard To Fit In

 DAY 5 of ... Ten straight days of Top 10 lists in anticipation of the arrival of October 10th, 2010.  Why do I care so much about 10/10/10? Hell if I know, but a guy's gotta blog about something right. Feel free to join in any or all of the days with your own lists or expand on any of mine.


Top 10 Signs You Are New to Texas ... and Trying Too Hard To Fit In

10. You move to the Lone Star State and promptly purchase a 3 acre plot of land ... you have the gall to name the joint and describe it as a ranch.


9. You listen to nothing but country music ... Nashville country.


8. You drink only Texas brewed beer ... That beer is Lone Star and not Shiner Bock.

7.  You head down to your favorite bar and grill and order a basket of calf fries ... but lose your appetite when you realize potatoes are not even an ingredient.


6. You buy yourself a pair of cowboy boots and a fancy western belt buckle ... the toe of the boots are so pointed you can kill a cockroach hiding in the corner of the room and the buckle is bigger than your wife's serving platter.


5. You know all the lyrics to all the songs of your 3 favorite Texas born singing legends ... Those legends are named Kelly Clarkson, Beyonce, and Jessica Simpson and not ZZ Top, Willie, Joplin, or Buddy Holly.


4. You hit a gun show and buy yourself a militia's worth of firepower ... The ATF out of Waco gets wind of your purchases and pays you a visit.


3. You buy the state's favorite football team ... but immediately fire the NFL squad's legendary fedora clad coach and replace him with a swaggering braggart, whose sideline prowess and draft room success overshadows you so you run him off and bring in a total doofus from Norman, Oklahoma. When your team continues to slide into mediocrity you run through a handful of coaches and finally decide to way to success is to build a monstrosity of a stadium. You try to convince the world that your team will make the Super Bowl simply because the game is going to be played in your mega facility. It doesn't work. No one forgets you are from Arkansas.

2. Someone offers you a Dublin Dr Pepper .. but you turn them down because you are ticked since you've always thought Dr Pepper was invented in Texas, not Ireland.

1. You drive a pickup truck ... said pickup is hornier than you are.

Today's topic was suggest by B Nagel. His blog can be found here. Do me a favor, stop by his place and tell him Travis sent you.