Friday, October 2, 2009

Google Monster

First off I want to wish my beautiful bride, Jennifer, a happy birthday today. If I wasn't a tightwad I'd be out buying her something nice rather than blogging. She certainly deserves it.

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I only served up 5 posts for the month of September. that is my all time low for the 2 1/2 years I've been blogging. I might do better this month but the pace will not pick up until after flag football ends mid month.

Not blogging as regular led to a sizable drop in hits, but enough people visited for me to still get some humorous Google searches last month. Thought I'd share my thoughts on a few with y'all now.

light a match for poo smell led one hopeful Googler to this post. What cracks me up is the word the fact the searcher used for rather than to get rid of. Unless of course they really are in search of ways to create poo smell. In that case I suggest a trip to Golden Corral and a twelve pack of beer. They might have to wait a few hours but soon enough their abode will be filled with the hearty aroma they so crave.

today is the first day of the rest of my life
landed a visitor here. My concern here is that if you really do wake up feeling that optimistic about your future do you really need to turn to google for the next step. Hey Mr. Sunshine, step away from the computer and go out do something to enjoy that new beginning. Much as I like y'all to read my blog I really ain't all that inspirational.

is it illegal to scatter ashes in Amarillo I really don't get how my post on pissing cartoon characters and Osama Bin Laden has anything to do with cremating your loved ones. Furthermore, I like my hometown, but it's really not the kind of place that most people would choose to spend eternity. A high mountain peak, the currents of the ocean I get. But dumping my burn body in some bar ditch next to a feedlot just isn't all that romantic. And the way the wind blows around here you aren't going to stay put anyway.

don't pass out around your friends I'm thinking of you have to google this one you've already done it. And chances are those friends just may not fall into that category anymore. Given that the post this search led to is all about lying I'm thinking this searches might have needed a good excuse why their eyebrows are missing.

weird enema tricks I can't help but wonder of this search came from David Letterman's staff. After all stupid human and pet tricks are no longer fresh. Nevertheless, if the show deploys the procedure of this post their ratings are bound to plunge into the shitter.

ten literary characters I would totally make out with And I still stand by my list.

fruit smelling poop This inquiry leads to the same post as the poo match from above. But for the record I might know a few things about meat smelling poop, but I have no working knowledge of fruit smelling poop. What am I, a monkey?

cockamamie joke Surprisingly, this Google search does not lead to every post on my blog, but merely this one. By the way cockamamie is a vastly underused word.

St Joan of Arc sausagefest Okay this google searches leads to this post because of a comment left by one of my regular readers. Thing I find ironic is that their is a festival honoring someone who met their end by being burned at the stake, and this honor is paid by cooking the flesh of a pig. Y'all know I'm a carnivore through and through but if ever there was a time for salad this just might be it. I'm thinking St Joan would be all for a flameless celebration.


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And if you are out and about in Amarillo tomorrow October 3rd, be sure and stop by the Hastings store on Georgia between 1 and 3 to pick up your signed copy of my friend Ron's historical look at our city through postcards

24 comments:

Diane said...

Funny! Anything involving poo is a winner by me. :O)

Teresa said...

Happy Birthday to Jennifer.

Loved the google searches! your blog rocks!

Being Beth said...

Thanks for the Friday laffs, Travis, and Happy birthday to your Bride!

Mango Girl said...

Go get something for your bride! Pick some wildflowers, something!

Mango

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Hilarious post! Tell your wife you can't buy her anything for her birthday because you already gave her your heart and you can't top that. And so long as she doesn't make any references to fire sales or bankruptcy liquidations, you'll be fine.

Melanie Avila said...

These are hilarious!

Now, I should totally know this, but how do I see the google searches that led to MY blog?

Monnik said...

Hope your wife has a great birthday! I love reading the search terms that send people to my blog. They crack me up. The one I get the most traffic for is for a post I called "This is what happens when I get some time off."

Sadly, the search terms are usually for that title sans the words "some time". Poor things - I'm sure they were disappointed when they landed on my Rated G blog.

Cloudia said...

Google loves Travis almost as much as we-all do!

LOL


Aloha, Friend!

Comfort Spiral

Cloudia said...

And happy birthday - Hauoli La Hanau - to your bride :)

Barbara Martin said...

Your google searches are more innovative than the ones I get. Most are on hiking trails, of which I post about.

A Happy Birthday to Jennifer.

Angie Ledbetter said...

Happy birthday to Mrs. Ewing! (I think you should get her a new diamond ring with a karat for every year she's put up with you, umm, I mean...every year you've been married.) :)

Charles Gramlich said...

Indeed, happy birthday to your wife!

sybil law said...

Hahahahahaha!!!
Happy Birthday, Jennifer!

tricia said...

Thanks for the laugh. Please add my Happy Birthday wish to the others.

Sarita said...

Where do I find the software or whatever to find out how many people have looked at my blog, and what Google searches have led people to my blog?

lyzzydee said...

Bless St Joan of Arc eh???

Josh said...

happy belated bday to the mrs's!

G said...

For the longest time, my number one search term was 'Truck Stops'.

All because I wrote a story called "Truck Stop Cutie" back in late March.

Mommy Cracked said...

I love seeing how people find my blog! This was too funny!

Beth said...

Cockamamie is definitely a vastly underused word but judging from those search terms, poop certainly isn’t. What a wacky world we live in – and Google search terms just serve to confirm this!

Lana Gramlich said...

Happy belated birthday to Jennifer! I haven't rec'd any funny Google hits lately. Thanks for sharing yours!

Barrie said...

It is so fun to see how people land up on a blog! Happy Belated to Jennifer!

pattinase (abbott) said...

Google searches can brighten up many a dark day.

Jeannie Campbell, LMFT said...

travis, I wanted to let you know about my blog address change. *sigh* If you're following me, my posts now won't show up in your feed, dashboard, sidebar, whatever. So please forgive me, but you'll have to change the address for my main writing blog, Where Romance Meets Therapy, to http://jeanniecampbell.blogspot.com. To do this, you have to "unfollow" me and follow me again. Sorry for the confusion!

Jeannie
The Character Therapist