Google Monster

First off I want to wish my beautiful bride, Jennifer, a happy birthday today. If I wasn't a tightwad I'd be out buying her something nice rather than blogging. She certainly deserves it.

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I only served up 5 posts for the month of September. that is my all time low for the 2 1/2 years I've been blogging. I might do better this month but the pace will not pick up until after flag football ends mid month.

Not blogging as regular led to a sizable drop in hits, but enough people visited for me to still get some humorous Google searches last month. Thought I'd share my thoughts on a few with y'all now.

light a match for poo smell led one hopeful Googler to this post. What cracks me up is the word the fact the searcher used for rather than to get rid of. Unless of course they really are in search of ways to create poo smell. In that case I suggest a trip to Golden Corral and a twelve pack of beer. They might have to wait a few hours but soon enough their abode will be filled with the hearty aroma they so crave.

today is the first day of the rest of my life landed a visitor here. My concern here is that if you really do wake up feeling that optimistic about your future do you really need to turn to google for the next step. Hey Mr. Sunshine, step away from the computer and go out do something to enjoy that new beginning. Much as I like y'all to read my blog I really ain't all that inspirational.

is it illegal to scatter ashes in Amarillo I really don't get how my post on pissing cartoon characters and Osama Bin Laden has anything to do with cremating your loved ones. Furthermore, I like my hometown, but it's really not the kind of place that most people would choose to spend eternity. A high mountain peak, the currents of the ocean I get. But dumping my burn body in some bar ditch next to a feedlot just isn't all that romantic. And the way the wind blows around here you aren't going to stay put anyway.

don't pass out around your friends I'm thinking of you have to google this one you've already done it. And chances are those friends just may not fall into that category anymore. Given that the post this search led to is all about lying I'm thinking this searches might have needed a good excuse why their eyebrows are missing.

weird enema tricks I can't help but wonder of this search came from David Letterman's staff. After all stupid human and pet tricks are no longer fresh. Nevertheless, if the show deploys the procedure of this post their ratings are bound to plunge into the shitter.

ten literary characters I would totally make out with And I still stand by my list.

fruit smelling poop This inquiry leads to the same post as the poo match from above. But for the record I might know a few things about meat smelling poop, but I have no working knowledge of fruit smelling poop. What am I, a monkey?

cockamamie joke Surprisingly, this Google search does not lead to every post on my blog, but merely this one. By the way cockamamie is a vastly underused word.

St Joan of Arc sausagefest Okay this google searches leads to this post because of a comment left by one of my regular readers. Thing I find ironic is that their is a festival honoring someone who met their end by being burned at the stake, and this honor is paid by cooking the flesh of a pig. Y'all know I'm a carnivore through and through but if ever there was a time for salad this just might be it. I'm thinking St Joan would be all for a flameless celebration.


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And if you are out and about in Amarillo tomorrow October 3rd, be sure and stop by the Hastings store on Georgia between 1 and 3 to pick up your signed copy of my friend Ron's historical look at our city through postcards