Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Yes ma'am, Right away ma'am.

My recent rants about Lady Luck and Karma got me to thinking. The best of the world's mystical, mythical, and all-powerful forces are all feminine of nature.

Lady Luck- Everyone longs for a visit from her since we all know it is far better to be lucky than good.

Karma- Has to be feminine. No man could ever be that patient and subtle in exacting revenge. There would be very little volunteer work done in this world if not for karma. Everyone hopes to be repaid in some way for their kindness and good deeds.

Mother Nature- She just might be the cruelest of all, but at eh same time we've all been inspired by a truly beautiful day. And we've all wished for good weather at some point.

The Tooth Fairy- Sure you can question her authenticity. You might even say she's not all powerful, But you can't deny she's got some serious financial backing. Heck, millions of kids are willing to let their parents tie a string to their teeth and yank out part of their body just to earn a visit from her.

Fairy Godmother- I just got one thing to say. Ain't nobody ever heard of a fairy godfather, so either she had him whacked, or he's forced to stay home and feed the chickens while she's all soaking up all the glory.

So what about us men? Who do we have on our side?

Father Time- Sure he catches up to everybody in the end but once you turn twenty-one nobody ever hopes to see him. Entire industries have come about for the sole purpose of defeating father time. Whatever power he has is negated by the fact his is despised across the globe.

Santa Claus- A fat man in a red velour suit that only visits once a year? There are a lot of people with uncles that fits that general description. And then come every December you can find thousands of impostors. In malls, on street corners ringing bells. You ever see anybody dare dress up like Lady Luck and pretend to speak on her behalf. Didn't think so.

The Easter Bunny- First off his gender is questionable. Do we really know if he is male or female, but I'll contend that if The Easter Bunny is male then he is a gay man bunny. No straight man would ever have chosen all those pastel colors. And sure candy is nice, but give the cold hard cash of the Tooth Fairy any day. that way I get to pick my own candy.

Cupid- A tiny naked dude with a bow and arrow? Excuse me language but he can only be described as a traitorous S.O.B. Sure he's male but his entire agenda is to lure us libidinous men over to the control women. And we go willingly. Cupid is the Benedict Arnold of mystical forces.

I'm sure I'm missing a few names among the all-powerful, but you get my idea.


alternatefish said...

"gay man bunny" might be the funniest phrase I've seen lately. it should be a jokey insult, I think. "yeah,'re a gay man bunny! hah!"*

What about Old Man Winter? Maybe you don't know about him down in Texas. He brings winter, you know, that cold, snowy thing with all the ice...nevermind.

*this author has nothing against gays, men, or bunnies. she just thinks it would be funny.

Brooke said...

We have the muses too but the Old Woman Who Lives in a Shoe is a major birth control...brandishing that whip...I just don't know.

Anonymous said...

Hmm...Now, I have to agree with Brooke. What about the Sirens? Or Medusa?

And speaking of gay men bunnies...What about Hoops and Yoyo..

go to if you don't know what this is. Look them up on there.

And yes, alternatefish, I think I will have to insult a few of my co-workers by calling them gay men bunnies next time i have the opportunity.

Then again, there is the insult of old hag...that could come slamming itself around the proverbial fairy tale corner to me.

have a great day ya'll!



Chunks said...

The Easter Bunny is definitely a man, Peter Cottontail! Gay Man Bunny sounds good though!

Travis Erwin said...

You're right Chunks. I forgot his name was Peter.

And yeah Fish, I did forget about old man winter, but unless you own a ski resort he probably isn't your favorite fellwo either.

Brooke I can see where the old lady in a shoe could be a weakness but it beats three men in a tub.

BLuefingers Do you reckon a gay man bunny would taste like chicken?

Tena Russ said...

"Do you reckon a gay man bunny would taste like chicken?"

Chicken lite.

Anonymous said...

How about Mother of Pearl, whoever she is.

latt├ęgirl said...

I believe the ocean is generally referred to as female, as well.

There's also "the man in the Moon."

Anonymous said...

Hey Peter Cottontail and the Easter Bunny are two separate entities... although I think we can all agree that me easter bunny is probably male... ish. Gay man bunny!
AND... Yes, Hoops and Yoyo fall so far into that category they are lost! I can't believe I didn't think of them when I heard that! lol

Shameless plug here for anyone interested.

To all writers and poetry lovers, FYI:

Final Friday Open Mic Night
fri 27th (tonight), Acapulco's Restaurant, Downtown
starts at 7:30pm

Poetry Slam
$5, 7pm, Amarillo Repertory Theatre, sat 28th

poetry slam team at the
Golden Light Cantina
Wed, Aug 1st. 7pm

Hope to see you there!

PS- Travis, the comments you get are so wonderfully weird!!

alex keto said...

Thor and Odin are not amused.

Anonymous said...

Oh, you guys have Jack Frost, Mr. Sandman, Davy Jones, King Neptune, and most of all, you have the word "guys," which does not have a female equivalent. (Don't even say "Oh yeah--what about gals?" because everyone know that gals are over fifty and play bingo.)