Saturday, October 20, 2007

Where I've Been & Another Meme

A lot has happened since my last post, and while I hate to do another meme on the heels of the last one, I really need a laugh, so I'm going to do the one Tee, over at Spilt Milk, tagged me for. In this meme, I am supposed to list the ten fictional literary characters that I would most like to make out with. Yes, you read that right and since I can have some fun with it I'm going to reveal my response today. My list will be at lower down in this post and the link refers to Tee's list. But first, a brief whine session about the the recent trend of my existence and my excuse for not posting lately. So if you want to skip the sad story portion of this post, mosey on down to where the bold print begins.

Here are the basic events of my life since my last post on Tuesday.
Wednesday worked 8Am - 4:30 PM , returned to work at Midnight and worked until 8:30 Am Thursday Morning.

While working that graveyard shift I received a phone call that my grandmother had fallen in her room at the rehabilitation centers she's been staying at the last month since a bout with blood clots. Turns out she shattered her eye socket and due to being on blood thinners has some bleeding going on in her brain.

So when I get off Thursday morning I head up to the emergency room. On the way there an elderly couple is a brand spanking, sales-sticker-still-on-the-window, big white Ford truck ran me clear off the highway and into the edge of the grass so they could exit. Even after laying on my horn I do not think either of them ever realized I was there. The very same vehicle then cut me off as I turned into the hospital parking lot. Later, after leaving the hospital another car nearly rear ended me as I sat at a stop light.

So then I go home to snatch a few hours of sleep before it is time to head back to the hospital so I can make the CCU visiting hours , then it is off for a preschool soccer game. By the time I finally crashed got home and crashed about ten PM Thursday I was one tired, and grouchy fella.
Friday morning I get up only to discover my home computer has gone on strike, contracted a venereal disease. I say venereal disease because it kept timing out with some message about a malfunctioning Trojan. Whatever the case it will not work, so I go get my trusty laptop and discover the power cord is missing. I still can't find it. I called the motel in Norman to see if I left it there after my last visit but they say nothing like that was turned in. A replacement cord? $149 bucks. The laptop only cost me $500.

Rounding off my spate of bad luck, today I dropped my work ID into the toilet bowl earlier this morning. Now you see why I need a laugh, so here goes.

THE MEME as Tee described it ... "Ten Literary Characters I Would Totally Make Out With If I Were Single and They Were Real But I’m Not, Single I Mean, I Am Real, But I’m Also Happily Married and Want to Stay That Way So Maybe We Should Forget This..."
I agree, but I'm going to add a few things. In order for me to hook up with any of these fictional creation I too would have to be fictionalized and inserted into the novels in which they appeared, so a couple of my choices had to do as much with my desire to be in a certain book as it does with their sex appeal. And since I am a one woman kind of guy in real life I have to believe my fictional self would be as well. So, I am going to list nine runner-ups,(why they made the list and why they missed being at the top of my list) and one winner as the premiere object of my fictional affection. In reverse, David Letterman style ...

10. Stephanie Plum from the Stephanie Plum Novels by Janet Evanovich -- First off she has that whole Jersey Girl mystique about her. There have been songs, books, and movies about Jersey Girls and the closest I've ever come to meeting a Jersey Girl is a couple of Literary Agents at various writing conferences. Oh, and Brooke, but I only know her via the blog world. Stephanie Plum has that aura of excitement and danger about her that would be fun for a while but in the end I do not think a good ol' boy from the Texas Panhandle and a gal from the Burg would have enough in common. Besides, too much stuff gets burned to the ground around here and I like my meager possessions in their current un-ashed stated.

9. Victoria Roubideaux from Plainsong and Eventide by Kent Haruf -- From the last meme you know how I feel about these books so I'd love to be written into them. Plus I feel sorry for Victoria she could use a good guy in her life, but since pity isn't the best aphrodisiac she fails to make the cut.

8 . Daisy Buchanon from The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald -- I mean her allure can not be questioned. Look at the lengths to which Gatsby went to pursue her. But then again, wanting something at any cost is always dangerous so would I really want to get mixed up with her. I do think it is a shame that we've had to endure bell bottoms twice but that whole 20's flapper look has never came back in style.

7. Hermione Granger from the Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling -- No I'm not a pedophile, but there was nothing in the rules of this meme that says I couldn't be written in as a teenage fictional character. Hermione is smart, loyal, brave, and cunning, but maybe a bit too bossy as well. Besides, she could be all that hot. Harry spent all those weeks alone in that tent with her and not once did he make a move. And don't tell me that was out of friendship to Ron. First off Harry was mad at his friend and secondly I know full well what is at the forefront of all seventeen year old boy's minds.

6. Sophie Dempsey from Welcome To Temptation by Jennifer Crusie -- First off let me say I just want to be in a sex scene written by Ms. Crusie cause I'm afraid to admit it, but in the real world I'm not nearly as limber and flexible as her characters tend to be. Sophie sticks out in my mind as the most memorable character from a Crusie novel, but she's got a bit of conman in her as well, and she could whoop me in pool so again she doesn't quite make it to the top of the list. Her sister was hot too although I can't remember her name off the top of my head.

5. Juliet Capulet from Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare -- Okay I know it was a play and not a novel, but isn't this the love by which all others are judged? Course I don't want even my fictional self to die so this one would need an alternate ending before I was willing to take part. And wouldn't it be interesting to see how Shakespeare would have handled my Texas Drawl. Of course he did use yonder. But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
And how about this ... "Oh Travis, Travis! Where are ya Travis? Forget your pa and forget your family name! Or at least swear you love me."
Okay, so it doesn't have the same ring as ... "O Romeo, Romeo! wherefore art thou Romeo?Deny thy father and refuse thy name!Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love."

4. Scarlett O'Hara from Gone With The Wind by Margaret Mitchell -- Come on what fan of fiction wouldn't want o be written into GWTW? And there is no denying that Scarlett was a a real Southern Bitch but she was also the most interesting character. I can only hope my character would have been more like Rhett Butler than that wimp Ashley.

3. Star Wood Leigh from Star by Pamela Anderson -- Okay I haven't even rad this book. But I do know it is a thinly veiled biography of Pamela Anderson life, and therefore the character has to look like her. Yes, I'll admit it, I kind of have a thing for Pamela Anderson, even after she dissed Kid Rock who I am a big fan of. Hey, we all got to have fantasies, but since that is all this is, number four is as high as I could go.

2. Lady Brett Ashly from The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway -- Hemingway introduces her this way ... Brett was damn good-looking. If Hemingway says it, I believe it. She left a wake of men in her trail. Heck she even had impotent men lusting after her. Now that is sex appeal. But to make the top of my list a woman has to be compassionate and capable of returning my affection. Lady Brett comes up short in those departments.
And the winner is ...
1. Nymphadora Tonks from the Harry Potter Series by J.K. Rowling -- This gal has it all. First off the name Nymphadora practically has the word nympho right in it. Add in the fact Tonks has the ability to change her appearance on a whim. Blond one day, a redhead the next. I small petite nose or a big honking pig snout. Whatever floats your boat she can be it. Besides the physical side she's smart, tough, funny and an evil-fighting Auror. What more could a man ask for? And ... in book seven she married a werewolf -- which means she likes hairy guys. Yes siree ... Nymphadora Tonks is my choice as the fictional character I'd most want to go out and howl at the moon with.


:P fuzzbox said...

The Witches in Anne Rice's novels have a great appeal for me.

Tee/Tracy said...

First, I'm sorry about your bad day, and man was it bad! I'm glad you at least have a sense of humor, otherwise you'd be pretty miserable.

(And dropping your ID badge in the toilet is really funny from where I sit. Might not be laughing if it were mine though. Germs! Ugh! Soak it in Germ-X!)

I love how you did your list backwards. If I were a guy I'd pick a few on your list, too. I think Hermione is really cool, and I like how spunky Tonks is :)

preTzel said...

Okay, first let me address your bad luck: Find out who you screwed over in the past week or so and apologize PRONTO! Your karma is in a bad spot and you need to lighten it.

The ID in the toilet? Uhm, how exactly did that happen? I need an explanation.

Your picks? I really think you and Grandma Mazur would be a better couple. She could show you her gun and you could show her yours. :)

Jana said...

That was a pretty bad day.

I like your list. Thanks for dropping by!

JM said...

I think that Scarlett needed to get laid by a real man and then she wouldn't have been such a bitch.

alex keto said...

Well, since you mentioned Hermione and Nymphadora Tonks, just thought I would let you know that Albus Dumbledore is gay. Yep, straight from J.K. Rowling today, no less.

So... well, far be it from me to suggest Albus, but well, heck, now that... um, maybe I'll just drop this.

On the funny side, you mentioned Jersey girls. Well, just think back to those agents. That ought to cure you.

Anonymous said...

Who says you can't write like Shakespear?

Travis, oh where art thee Travis..

I about regurgitated my supper after reading that bit. And after reading about your shit-ass week, I can say that you are only a step away from being as bad off as I am. maybe your grandma and I could room together.

in all seriousness, I will keep you and your family in my thoughts. Always do.



Monnik said...

What a great list! Your Texan shakespeare dialog cracked me up.

Sorry for your bad few days. Is your grandma recovering well? What a scary incident!

Duck said...

I must say that Tonks is an excellent choice. Other than that, I've got nuthin. Have a good one!

Leigh Russell said...

Hi there, thanks for visiting my blog. I'm just learning how to do this. As a writer, I understand what you mean about multiple personalities inside your head. Where do some of these characters come from? Bit worrying - especially since my publisher describes my work as "seriously creepy". As I write crime thrillers, I take that as a compliment under the circumstances! Bit worried about the hairy palms of your hands, though... If you read crime fiction, let me know and I'll keep you posted when my first book comes out in the spring. Take care, o hairy one, and watch out for the full moon...

alternatefish said...

well hell, I'd make out with Tonks and I'm straight.

Merry Monteleone said...

I like your list... though I can't believe you left lulu off - she'd be too much for you, wouldn't she?

I have to say, Rhett Butler would have made the top of my list. In the harry potter realm, it would've been Sirius, hands down... though Wood would've been in the running, if my character was a student.

Sorry about the run of luck, hopefully that means you're in for a run of good luck now.

Leigh Russell said...

Thanks for visiting my blog, and hi to you. It's nice to feel welcome in the blog community. Thank you.

Phats said...

Sorry to hear about all your crap Travis, hope things start looking up including your Huskers.

I don't think I have read any of those I should look into some of them

Unknown said...

LOL, this was great! I think Lady Brett would have to be my top choice... I agree if Hemmingway says its so, who am I to argue!???

But I also agree about Nymphadora Tonks.... anyone who can change their appearance at will.... man you could go to bed with a blonde and wake up with a redhead... how cool!

Unknown said...

Phats - I can't believe you've never read any of those books!! Can you read?? LOL

Stacy said...

I love the Harry Potter focus of your meme.

Phats said...

haha I didn't really read the meme sorry travis, just looked at the pictures Thanks gary for calling me out. I have read Gatsby, and Romeo and Juliet. never got into an potter, or pam anderson, really??

Geesh Gary

Charles Gramlich said...

I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. I hope she'll get better soon.

As for your list, mine would be top heavy (uhm, so to speak) with babes from Fantasy.

icanseeclearlynow said...

hi there. sorry to read about your grandmother. i hope she's recovering well.

what a great meme. you have a nice mix of books there.



Tena Russ said...

What a lousy day you had. So sorry to hear about your grandmother. Hope she's on the mend.

Pssst to Gary: Actually, Phats can read. And does.

Ello - Ellen Oh said...

That was a funny meme! I like your Tonks choice!

Sorry about your bad day - hope this week is better for you.

WordVixen said...

Sorry about your Grandmother and your near death (or your truck's near death) experiences.

But you do gotta point about Tonks!

Skiingred said...

Cool list! Hope you found your id, and it sounds like you deserved a few days off...

Jenny C. novels are great! I can see why you'd be in one.

On my list... not sure.... Jason Bourne has a mystique about him, but I'll have to read the books to see if it's the same character as in the movies (prob not!)

Mr. Shife said...

Well I certainly hope your luck has turned and your grandmother is doing better. Have a good week, and nice meme.

Chick said...

Stephanie Plumb would so make my list.

Alyssa Goodnight said...

I too would love to be the heroine of a Jenny Crusie sex scene. And I love that you picked Tonks! I'm reading Book 7 right now, and she is definitely memorable--not to mention, willing to have a werewolf's baby!

Bubblewench said...

I'm really sorry to hear about your grandmother, I hope she is doing better.

I'm sorry to hear about your shitty streak of luck too!

Loved your meme! That was awesome.

Lindy said...

interesting picks. Sorry about your grandmother.

Michelle said...

Wow. Talk about having some bad luck!!

Hope this week is better for you!

Shauna said...

Wow, I missed a lot in a few days. I'm so sorry about your Grandma. I'll pray for her.

LOVED the meme! LOL!