Thursday, December 6, 2007

My Wife Knows Everything

I am a both a failure and a liar. But I had good intentions.

Remember when I told you I had special plans for an upcoming Santa Saga? One entitled, Midnight Meat? Well I did, but now I don't.

I planned to tell the story orally through a video blog. I even went over to my friend Brad's house this morning so he could help me film it. He is my unofficial technical guru, and by the way his wife Jayme, writes a great blog, except she doesn't post often enough and she uses the dreaded MySpace to host it. But don't let either of those factors stop you. Go here and read what she has to say, and encourage her with your comments to post a bit more often.

My wife has always thought my idea to do a video post was a bad one, and once again she has proven to be correct. We did film it. I stood there like an idiot and told a story that I have recounted a thousand times to friends and whatnot, but the finished product was ... crap for lack of a better word, so unless you can bribe Brad the orally version of Midnight Meat will never see the light of day. Y'all will have to settle for a plain vanilla written version sometime in the near future. Sorry.


I had conversation with my boys today that y'all might get a chuckle out of.

We were riding down the road talking and my youngest, 5 kept asking what various things were made out of.

"Dad, what are cars made of?"
"Metal, plastic rubber, fiberglass."
"What's fiberglass?"
"Just stuff they make cars out of and use to insulate your house."
"Is it glass?"
"Sort of, but they spin it like cotton candy and then I think sometimes they heat it up to make it hard and make shapes."

I'm sure that is not entirely accurate but I was trying to appease a five year old on the fly.
Seconds later, "Dad, what are airplanes made of?"

"The same stuff." I glanced in my rear view mirror and could tell he was searching for another object to ask about so I decided to head him off.

"What are you made of I ask."
I dunno," he said.

This is where my seven year old chimed in. "I know what we are made of."
"What?" I asked.
"Meat," he said.
To poke some fun at him I said, "Chicken meat."
"Nope," He proudly raised his chin and proclaimed, "I'm made of man meat."

Cracked me up anyway. And more accurate than snails, tails and puppy dog tails.


preTzel said...

Man meat! LOLOL! I love that comment. I was expecting him to say "shit" because that is *certainly* what would have come out of my boys' mouths. LOL! In my grandma's funeral my uncle pointed out that of the 7 siblings only one had blue eyes like my grandma. Then he said "And dad spent everyday telling us why we had brown eyes..." and Middle Son said "Oh mom, just like you tell me. Because they're full of shit." Uhm, apparently I also need to teach him that when it's QUIET we don't speak. The laughter was loud, and much needed, but I was also embarrassed. LOL!

I can't wait to read Midnight Meat. Hurry up already!

alex keto said...

A failure and liar? Well, hells bells you've got two out of the big three it takes to be a writer. To cover the third point, start drinking first thing in the morning.

Adriann said...

Man Meat! Priceless!!!

Yeah, sometimes our talent in one medium doesn't necessarily transfer sucessfully to another. LOL!!! I look forward to the next Saga in print. :)

Bubblewench said...

man meat!! BA HA HA HA HA HA!! That's funny.

Sorry we have to wait to hear the Midnight Meat story! Was looking forward to it.

Gave you a Mad SKILLZ award today too.

Merry Monteleone said...

"Man Meat!" lol, that should put you in an interesting google search position.

Charles Gramlich said...

Love it. Though I don't mind the snips and snails story.

CamiKaos said...

I'm almost crying from man meat laughter

Aaron said...

Man Meat?


Shauna said...

Man meat!! LOL! You just know he's gonna win over some young college girl with that one! LOL!

Ello - Ellen Oh said...

That's so awesome! Kids are so great. Man meat! You are never gonna let him forget that!

Phats said...

Hmm I think we're going to need to see the video bad or not.

Manmeat that is so funny, did you crack up laughing?

mielikki said...

Man meat is a perfect way to explain himself, especially for the college years! He will never live that one down! *chuckle*

Design Goddess said...

That's just great! Such wisdom for a 7 year old. :)

Jenster said...

What a smart boy! To already know about man meat. LOL!!!

Patti said...

"man meat" truer words were never spoken!

Melissa Amateis said...

Hahaha - man meat! I love the things that come out of our children's mouths. Classic!

Melissa Amateis said...

I should have clarified - I love the "sayings" that come out of our children's mouths - I've cleaned up too much throw-up from when my kids had the flu to love it!

Jess said...

I agree, much more accurate than puppy dog tails. :)

And I further agree with Merry. "Man Meat" may be the tag of the year.