Sunday, February 6, 2011

In A Perfect World

Here we are on Superbowl Sunday and while I'm as big a football fan as they come I can't help but think we over glorify athletes. Sure they possess rare talents and have worked hard to reach the pentacle of their profession, but so have others groups of people. Like authors for example.

I can't help but think of a perfect world where every other commercial featured a writer making big money for endorsing certain products.

The possibilities are endless.

Stephanie Meyer's face could stare adoringly into the camera and say, "You fell in love with Edward and his sparkling skin, now you too can shine is the sun, with this amazing apparatus." 

Stephen King or Chistopher Moore could loquaciously wax on about the smooth taste of Crown Royal or the suave sexiness of Amaretto and then at the end of the commercial say with a crooked grin,"What you think I come up with all that crap stone cold sober?"  

I can see it now ... stone expert Stephen Parrish recommending the perfect jeweler or diamond? Heck, he's such a diverse mastermind he can even tell you what wine to pour before asking your gal to marry you.

And who better to endorse really sharp knives than the wickedly talented Val Conrad?

John Grisham could hawk prepaid legal.

And I'd love to see Nicholas Sparks who seems to give his female readers exactly what they want, peddling condoms, ribbed for her pleasure of course.

And this guy ..

Mr. Mark Terry would be perfect (for several reasons) to extol the smooth shave of Gillette razors. 

Search for mark terry

So y'all tell me. What authors do you think would make perfect pitch men, and what would they sell?


Val Conrad said...

Hey, sharp knives? I could endorse SO many other methods of ... I mean products people could buy.

Thanks for including me in your blog, Travis!

But wait, if you act now, you can get TWO!

Old Kitty said...

Dan Brown selling holy water.

Stieg Larsson (from beyond the grave) endorsing erm.. tattoo designs.

Jackie Collins for Victoria's Secret. Well of course!

Take care

Terri Tiffany said...

Travis--when you're famous-- I want you selling anything!! LOL

Donna K. Weaver said...

Patricia Briggs (Mercy Thompson series) doing commercials for car maintenance (Mercy's a shapeshifting mechanic) or perhaps hosptial care (Samuel is a werewolf and a doctor).

pattinase (abbott) said...

Can't answer that question but I know watching the Superbowl is easier than reading. Reading takes concentration and figuring things out. The commentators think for you on football games.

Jenn Jilks said...

We don't really watch commercials. We're not their demographics anyway.
Don't get me started on overpaid sports stars, especially the ones who are prima donnas on the field.
I love the commercials for this show, though. Lotas fun.

BTW We often turn the sound off as the commentators are dickheads. Or sh1theads. One or the other. Mind you, men only have enough blood to run the brain or the other appendage... :-)

Present company exempted, of course! And all of your clever, faithful male readers!

the walking man said...

I'd like to see Charles Dickens doing TV ads for banks. Especially Goldman-Sachs.

I'd like to see Travis Erwin doing ads for the California Organic Farmers Association.

Mark Terry said...

Wait till they read "Plundered Booty" by Travis Erwin. Then they'll think the Caribbean ... or Chryslers or Fords!

Jill Kemerer said...

Very funny! My fave is the Stephanie Meyer Bedazzler. Definitely!

Angie Ledbetter said...

Travis Erwin selling fertilizer. :)

Unknown said...

I NEED to live in a world where Stephen King sells liquor. I'm not even kidding, my life will never be the same now that you've warned me.

Susan R. Mills said...

Ha! Thanks for the laugh.

NerdyRedneck Rob said...

Larry Niven author of "Ringworld" would be the natural for hawking ring based Jewelry

Phats said...

Pro athletes are definitely overpaid. You going to endorse salad? haha

Janna Leadbetter said...


Megan Bostic said...

Can't answer the question, but think the blog post is hilarious? What would you hawk, Travis?

Suzanne Ross Jones said...

Ha - great post and a fantastic idea.