Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Scootin' Along

There is nothing classy, refined, or even decent about this post ... and yet once again my first thought upon experiencing this incident was ... I gotta write about this on the blog.

There we were, grocery shopping at United Supermarkets.

It was somewhere between the beer section and the aisle that supports my wife's unhealthy addiction to Trappey's pickled jalapenos when a powerful stomach pain hit me.

So I made my way to the restroom. Now there I was, minding my own business, taking care of that urgent pain when in walks a man wearing fancy leather dress shoes. That is all I can give you for physical description as that was all that was visible from my throne as the man strode up and stood before the adjacent urinal.

It was at this point that Mr. Fancy Shoes first spoke these words, "Come on, Scooter."

At first it was sort of a whisper. But the both the volume and intensity increased with his second, third and fourth --  "Come on, Scooter." 

Now  I might have assumed the man had one of those fancy bluetooths or was otherwise on the phone if he had left it at --  "Come on, Scooter." 

But no, after only a few seconds Mr. Fancy Shoes let out a relieved sort of sigh and a "Oh yeah, Scooter." 

Then with a zip and a flush both he and Scooter were gone. Without washing up I might add.

Now if I was a guessing man, I'd say Mr. Fancy Shoes has prostate issues, and while I'm a fan of motivational speech I hate to break it to the Zig Ziggler of Urinals, but those things to the left and right of Scooter are not ears, so your cheerleader chants of  "Come on, Scooter," do nothing more than make you sound ... NUTS.


Anonymous said...

Travis' wife says:

Now Scooter you know I do not have an addiction to those yummy things.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

SCOOTER???? WTF kind of nickname is that for the mighty dickola?

Old Kitty said...

The greatest offence lies in the fact that Mr Scooter's owner DID NOT WASH HIS HANDS after.

Take care

the walking man said...

I am getting older and a diabetic so sometimes I have a problem starting the flow but "Scooter?"

Aww hell no!

It may not be Iron Man anymore but at least I would name it Triumph Thunderbolt or something along those lines. "C'mon Thunderbolt let that lightning fly!!"

@Old Kitty statistically 57% of men do not wash their hands and 43% of women. I learned not to pee on my hands in the navy while out to sea. And as nasty as it sounds you can wash your hands too many times in a day. Depends on where they have been i guess.

Charles Gramlich said...

The world is just too much for me. I'm becoming a hermit.

Angie Ledbetter said...

Scooter needs a tune-up.

Dizzy Ms. Lizzy said...

OMG.....I think I just snorted Pepsi out my nose reading this.... *ouch*

Scooter - - ^snicker^

Mom24 said...

Oh my gosh, you make me laugh so much. Thank you.

Lyzzydee said...

Its the hands that do it for me as well ;(

DrillerAA09 said...

I wonder what happens when "Boot Scootin' Boogie", comes on the radio?

Anonymous said...

Oh dear! A man who has named his penis! And Scooter, of all the names he could have picked.

Cloudia said...

woah! what happened to the excellent post about being a published author that just about says it for me too?!

Warm Aloha from Waikiki
Comfort Spiral

> < } } ( ° >

Dizzy Ms. Lizzy said...

Wonder if "Mr. Scooter" was Ron White? ;-)