Well crap. I took two days off from reading blogs to work on doing some actual writing and now I have over 350 posts in my Google reader. I'll be skimming through commenting only on a few s please forgive me. And thanks to all of you who weighed in on the great toilet seat cover debate. Of course Vodka Mom had to take the hard line and throw down a challenge, but then again, teachers can be mean at times.
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By the way, for those of you whoa re writers and are in or near the query process be sure to check out agent Janet Reid's other blog, Query Shark. She bites into actual query letters and reveals why she finds them tasty or why she feels the need to spit out a form rejection.
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In other blog news my buddy Alex Keto has dipped his toes back into the deep end of the blog pool after sitting our more than the required twenty minutes after eating. Welcome back, Alex. I love to read his take on the world and if you've never read his wisdom then you are doing yourself a disservice.
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Also I wanted to call your attention to a couple of literary web-zines. Halfway Down the Stairs and The Oddville Press. Through the wonderful blogosphere I know people involved with both so check them out if you get the chance.
That's it for me, I'm off to clear my Google reader and check up on thing on Twitter. Back tomorrow with a My Town Monday post. Sadly I am not going to do the post I planned. Instead, I will honor one of Amarillo's recently departed son's.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Fluff This
An open letter to all of my beloved female readers.
Dear Dearies,
There are many things in this world that you adore, that I simply can't stomach. Lettuce, the out-of-breath quality to Celine Dion's voice, the stench of patchouli.
It is time to add fluffy toilet lid covers to the list. All I can say is why ladies? Why do you torture us men by draping those fluffy poodle pelts across the toilet lid.
You complain of our deer heads nailed to the wall, yet you condone the skinning of harmless pooches for the sake of bathroom decor.
Maybe y'all don't realize the problems those dang things create for those of us who stand to do our business, so let me explain.
A friend (a single woman I might add) has one of these things on her porcelain throne. We tend to gather at her house to play games and drink a few adult beverages on the weekend, which leads to frequent trips to the ol' bathroom.
I raise the lid, it falls due to the frilly cover not allowing the lid to rest properly against the tank. I reraise it. The stupid thing falls again. This leaves me two choices ... take a seat and forgo one of the few natural privileges a man has, (yes, we males celebrate and revel in our ability to take a leak on our feet), or hold the lid with one hand, while I direct my aim with the other. That might seem simple bat after a six pack of Shiner. also I'm tall guy so it leads to n awkward crouching position that throws off my balance and well honed stance.
I might as well be playing bathroom Twister.
Most of us men are not ambidextrous and agile acrobats of Cirque De Soleil. I hear and read your gripes about our poor aim, yet y'all chose to add a degree of difficulty befitting the Chinese dive team. So I say whose fault are those splatters?
And I'm not even going to go into the psychological terror we men have at dangling our parts before an alligator jaw-like death trap that could come chomping down at any second.
Truth be told I think it is an evil plot to make men take a seat since y'all are jealous of our inherent ability to stand and be men, but if it is an honest mistake I urge you to get shed of the poodle pelt and let us pee in peace.
Sincerely,
p.s. God bless the urinal!
Dear Dearies,
There are many things in this world that you adore, that I simply can't stomach. Lettuce, the out-of-breath quality to Celine Dion's voice, the stench of patchouli.
It is time to add fluffy toilet lid covers to the list. All I can say is why ladies? Why do you torture us men by draping those fluffy poodle pelts across the toilet lid.
You complain of our deer heads nailed to the wall, yet you condone the skinning of harmless pooches for the sake of bathroom decor.Maybe y'all don't realize the problems those dang things create for those of us who stand to do our business, so let me explain.
A friend (a single woman I might add) has one of these things on her porcelain throne. We tend to gather at her house to play games and drink a few adult beverages on the weekend, which leads to frequent trips to the ol' bathroom.
I raise the lid, it falls due to the frilly cover not allowing the lid to rest properly against the tank. I reraise it. The stupid thing falls again. This leaves me two choices ... take a seat and forgo one of the few natural privileges a man has, (yes, we males celebrate and revel in our ability to take a leak on our feet), or hold the lid with one hand, while I direct my aim with the other. That might seem simple bat after a six pack of Shiner. also I'm tall guy so it leads to n awkward crouching position that throws off my balance and well honed stance.
I might as well be playing bathroom Twister.
Most of us men are not ambidextrous and agile acrobats of Cirque De Soleil. I hear and read your gripes about our poor aim, yet y'all chose to add a degree of difficulty befitting the Chinese dive team. So I say whose fault are those splatters?
And I'm not even going to go into the psychological terror we men have at dangling our parts before an alligator jaw-like death trap that could come chomping down at any second.
Truth be told I think it is an evil plot to make men take a seat since y'all are jealous of our inherent ability to stand and be men, but if it is an honest mistake I urge you to get shed of the poodle pelt and let us pee in peace.
Sincerely,
A Man Willing Demanding To Take a Stand
p.s. God bless the urinal!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Stuff
I first saw this list of life experiences on Robyn's blog a week or so back. I know a few of you have already did this as well and since I'm short on time today I though it would be a good way for me to get a post up.
Here we present a list. Highlight those tasks that you have accomplished in your life. I added a bit of my own commentary in the parenthesis.
01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink (mostly because I have many a deadbeat buddy)
02. Swam with wild dolphins (they look too much like sharks to me and those bottle noses could accidentally catch you in the wrong place if you know what I mean)
03. Climbed a mountain (I tried to propose on top of one, but my wide got winded halfway up so I had to settle for the side of a mountain)
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive (I don't think there is a Ferrari dealership within 250 miles of Amarillo)
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid (does the Luxor in Vegas count?)
06. Held a tarantula (this week)
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone (And it was quite embarrassing when the fire department had to come use the jaws of life to get my big butt up and out since I take all the room by myself)
08. Said “I love you” and meant it (everyday)
09. Hugged a tree (But I had to reign the relationship in when it slipped me some tongue)
10. Bungee jumped (I've seen far too many rubber bands snap to every trust even an industrial sized one)
11. Visited Paris (Again, only if you count the one on the Vegas strip)
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea (I've only seen the sea a few times, but I've seen my share from many a good sized lake)
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise (this is how I got those wrinkles and gray hairs that are taking over my head. Well that and marrying up with a blonde woman.)
14. Seen the Northern Lights (While singing a John Denver song to boot)
15. Gone to a huge sports game (Numerous times and being a lifelong Saints fan I know all about the agony of defeat)
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa (You mean there is no elevator?)
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables (VEGETABLES ARE THE DEVIL!)
18. Touched an iceberg (When I start eating vegetables there may be icebergs in Texas)
19. Slept under the stars (Despite the damn crickets)
20. Changed a baby’s nappy (What is a nappy? If it's a crappy diaper than yeah, but thank God those days are over.)
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon (I'd like to)
22. Watched a meteor shower (Just a few weeks ago, but what I'm really waiting for is to get a few shooting stars taking a bath)
23. Gotten tipsy on champagne (But usually I'm a much cheaper drunk)
24. Given more than you can afford to charity (I'm not as charitable as I should be but my wife more than makes up for that)
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope (I have one set up right now)
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment (Real men don't giggle)
28. Bet on a winning horse (and a bunch of losing nags too)
29. Asked out a stranger (Not in nearly twenty years and even then my odds were better at the horsetrack)
30. Had a snowball fight (even though I hate snow down my shirt)
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can (Every time the refs throw a flag against the Saints)
32. Held a lamb (While in ag glass I even witnessed a classmate french kiss a dead lamb for $27 and a package of cigarettes)
33. Seen a total eclipse of both the sun and moon (But not at the same time. that would really be something)
34. Ridden a roller coaster (love 'em
35. Hit a home run (In a beer fueled softball league)
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking (I did the hokey pokey with a New York editor in public for God's sake)
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day (I'm counting my proud Texas twang which I use every single day)
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment (I'm always happy .. except for that time in Juarez when ... )
39. Had two hard drives for your computer (But who really cares?)
40. Visited all 50 states (no, but it is a goal of mine)
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk (I even married her -- that one might get me in trouble)
42. Had/Have amazing friends (define amazing)
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country (See #38)
44. Watched whales (Are we talking about the animal or the rich guys who visit Vegas with a ton of money in their pocket?)
45. Stolen a sign (I'm going down, down down, ... in a ring of fire)
46. Backpacked in Europe (I have nothing witty or smart alecky for this one)
47. Taken a road-trip (Every chance I get)
48. Gone rock climbing (not just for the sake of it, but I've had to do some scaling to get around while hunting)
49. Midnight walk on the beach (No because it could lead to other things and there are certain places sand does not belong)
50. Gone sky diving (Won't either as long as the plane is running)
51. Visited Ireland (Sounds like fun)
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love (heartburn is another story)
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them (No, but I've though about getting up and moving while with drunk friends at IHOP)
54. Visited Japan (I'd starve since I don't like the food)
55. Milked a cow (I live in Texas, it's practically part of the school curriculum)
56. Alphabetized your CDs (I'm not an organizer)
57. Pretended to be a superhero (who says I'm not)
58. Sung karaoke (I might would but never can wrestle the mic from my wife)
59. Lounged around in bed all day (But I did get up to pee. Am I disqualified?)
60. Played touch football (I used to think it sucked but now I'm getting old and it appeals to me more than hitting the ground)
61. Gone scuba diving (But only in a pool)
62. Kissed in the rain (I don't recall for sure but surely I have at some point)
63. Played in the mud (I don't mind getting dirty)
64. Played in the rain (Until I floated away)
65. Gone to a drive-in theater (We still have one in town)
66. Visited the Great Wall of China (But I watched Mulan and the olympics)
67. Started a business ( not unless you count the writing)
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken (Cause my wife is patient)
69. Toured ancient sites (historic yes, ancient I'd say no)
70. Taken a martial arts class (only once, got my butt kicked by a twelve year old girl with a brown belt and never went back)
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight (I was too busy playing video games for days on end)
72. Gotten married (Si senors and senoritas)
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party (But I'm sure they meant to invite me)
75. Gotten divorced (Not even close)
76. Gone without food for 5 days (I'd have to be in a coma for this to happen)
77. Made cookies from scratch (or an itch either)
78. Won first prize in a costume contest (and I wasn't even dressed up)
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice (is is just me or does the word gondola sound like a venereal disease?)
80. Gotten a tattoo (not until Plundered Booty sales)
81. Rafted a river (I counting tubed a river since that is the Texas way to do it)
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert” (I can't imagine the field)
83. Gotten flowers for no reason (I don't think I've ever gotten flowers period)
84. Performed on stage (thank God that hasn't hit You Tube)
85. Been to Las Vegas (finally it counts for something)
86. Recorded music (I'm guessing the don't mean off another CD)
87. Eaten shark (tastes like chicken)
88. Kissed on the first date (Damn that tree)
89. Gone to Thailand (I'll make no bad jokes about Bangkok)
90. Bought a house (And soon another)
91. Been in a combat zone (Though I do work at the Post Office)
92. Buried one/both of your parents (I guess a joke would be inappropriate)
93. Been on a cruise ship (No but I used to watch the Love Boat)
94. Spoken more than one language fluently (I did have six years of Latin but nobody except priests ever speak it)
95. Performed in a Rocky Horror Picture Show (I don't look good in drag)
96. Raised children (in the process)
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour (Dang jobs)
98. Passed out cold (and woke up hot)
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country ('fraid not)
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over (I'm too lazy)
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge (Never been to San Fran)
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking (I like my own ears to do very much singing)
103. Had plastic surgery (Would I still look like this if I had?)
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived (But i did have a nasty splinter one time)
105. Wrote articles for a large publication (define large)
106. Lost over 100 pounds (Probably should but never will)
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback (again nothing to say)
108. Piloted an airplane (when this happens everyone else on board she take up sky diving)
109. Touched a stingray (Our names are spelled different but I heard about what happened to Steve "Crocodile Hunter" Irwin)
110. Broken someone’s heart (Not that I know of)
111. Helped an animal give birth (Numerous times)
112. Won money on a TV game show (Never even applied for one)
113. Broken a bone (my ankles snapped like a twig while playing hockey)
114. Gone on an African photo safari (Alex won't take me)
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears (or any other "part" for that matter)
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol (all the above)
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild (nope as I think 'shrooms are veggies)
118. Ridden a horse (Again, I live in Texas)
119. Had major surgery (and woke up in the middle of it)
120. Had a snake as a pet (This is one critter I've missed)
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon (seems like work)
122. Slept 30 hours in a 48 hour time frame (with medicinal help)
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states (not even close)
124. Visited all 7 continents (see answer above)
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days (no, and I can't squeal like a pig either)
126. Eaten kangaroo meat (I'm game, but no)
127. Eaten sushi (prefer to use it as bait)
128. Had your picture in the newspaper (and not under the heading -- most wanted)
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about (Because I am a Master Debater, feel free to make your own pun)
130. Gone back to school (it still wasn't much fun)
131. Parasailed (maybe in December when i got o Florida)
132. touched a cockroach (crunchy)
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes (even fried they suck)
134. Read “The Iliad” (Required reading in Latin)
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read (numerous)
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (this week)
137. Skipped all your school reunions (I attended the one and only)
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
(I don't speak idiocy but many I work with do)
139. Been elected to public office (not public but my position in the union was elected)
140. Written your own computer language (I'm not that smart)
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you (they would have to be blind as well)
145. Had a booth at a street fair (I got nothing to peddle)
146. Dyed your hair (What you see is what you get)
147. Been a DJ (No desire)
148. Shaved your head (I've threatened but my wife doesn't like the idea)
149. Caused a car accident (Not that I'm aware of)
50. Saved someone’s life (see above)
Here we present a list. Highlight those tasks that you have accomplished in your life. I added a bit of my own commentary in the parenthesis.
01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink (mostly because I have many a deadbeat buddy)
02. Swam with wild dolphins (they look too much like sharks to me and those bottle noses could accidentally catch you in the wrong place if you know what I mean)
03. Climbed a mountain (I tried to propose on top of one, but my wide got winded halfway up so I had to settle for the side of a mountain)
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive (I don't think there is a Ferrari dealership within 250 miles of Amarillo)
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid (does the Luxor in Vegas count?)
06. Held a tarantula (this week)
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone (And it was quite embarrassing when the fire department had to come use the jaws of life to get my big butt up and out since I take all the room by myself)
08. Said “I love you” and meant it (everyday)
09. Hugged a tree (But I had to reign the relationship in when it slipped me some tongue)
10. Bungee jumped (I've seen far too many rubber bands snap to every trust even an industrial sized one)
11. Visited Paris (Again, only if you count the one on the Vegas strip)
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea (I've only seen the sea a few times, but I've seen my share from many a good sized lake)
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise (this is how I got those wrinkles and gray hairs that are taking over my head. Well that and marrying up with a blonde woman.)
14. Seen the Northern Lights (While singing a John Denver song to boot)
15. Gone to a huge sports game (Numerous times and being a lifelong Saints fan I know all about the agony of defeat)
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa (You mean there is no elevator?)
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables (VEGETABLES ARE THE DEVIL!)
18. Touched an iceberg (When I start eating vegetables there may be icebergs in Texas)
19. Slept under the stars (Despite the damn crickets)
20. Changed a baby’s nappy (What is a nappy? If it's a crappy diaper than yeah, but thank God those days are over.)
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon (I'd like to)
22. Watched a meteor shower (Just a few weeks ago, but what I'm really waiting for is to get a few shooting stars taking a bath)
23. Gotten tipsy on champagne (But usually I'm a much cheaper drunk)
24. Given more than you can afford to charity (I'm not as charitable as I should be but my wife more than makes up for that)
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope (I have one set up right now)
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment (Real men don't giggle)
28. Bet on a winning horse (and a bunch of losing nags too)
29. Asked out a stranger (Not in nearly twenty years and even then my odds were better at the horsetrack)
30. Had a snowball fight (even though I hate snow down my shirt)
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can (Every time the refs throw a flag against the Saints)
32. Held a lamb (While in ag glass I even witnessed a classmate french kiss a dead lamb for $27 and a package of cigarettes)
33. Seen a total eclipse of both the sun and moon (But not at the same time. that would really be something)
34. Ridden a roller coaster (love 'em
35. Hit a home run (In a beer fueled softball league)
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking (I did the hokey pokey with a New York editor in public for God's sake)
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day (I'm counting my proud Texas twang which I use every single day)
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment (I'm always happy .. except for that time in Juarez when ... )
39. Had two hard drives for your computer (But who really cares?)
40. Visited all 50 states (no, but it is a goal of mine)
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk (I even married her -- that one might get me in trouble)
42. Had/Have amazing friends (define amazing)
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country (See #38)
44. Watched whales (Are we talking about the animal or the rich guys who visit Vegas with a ton of money in their pocket?)
45. Stolen a sign (I'm going down, down down, ... in a ring of fire)
46. Backpacked in Europe (I have nothing witty or smart alecky for this one)
47. Taken a road-trip (Every chance I get)
48. Gone rock climbing (not just for the sake of it, but I've had to do some scaling to get around while hunting)
49. Midnight walk on the beach (No because it could lead to other things and there are certain places sand does not belong)
50. Gone sky diving (Won't either as long as the plane is running)
51. Visited Ireland (Sounds like fun)
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love (heartburn is another story)
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them (No, but I've though about getting up and moving while with drunk friends at IHOP)
54. Visited Japan (I'd starve since I don't like the food)
55. Milked a cow (I live in Texas, it's practically part of the school curriculum)
56. Alphabetized your CDs (I'm not an organizer)
57. Pretended to be a superhero (who says I'm not)
58. Sung karaoke (I might would but never can wrestle the mic from my wife)
59. Lounged around in bed all day (But I did get up to pee. Am I disqualified?)
60. Played touch football (I used to think it sucked but now I'm getting old and it appeals to me more than hitting the ground)
61. Gone scuba diving (But only in a pool)
62. Kissed in the rain (I don't recall for sure but surely I have at some point)
63. Played in the mud (I don't mind getting dirty)
64. Played in the rain (Until I floated away)
65. Gone to a drive-in theater (We still have one in town)
66. Visited the Great Wall of China (But I watched Mulan and the olympics)
67. Started a business ( not unless you count the writing)
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken (Cause my wife is patient)
69. Toured ancient sites (historic yes, ancient I'd say no)
70. Taken a martial arts class (only once, got my butt kicked by a twelve year old girl with a brown belt and never went back)
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight (I was too busy playing video games for days on end)
72. Gotten married (Si senors and senoritas)
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party (But I'm sure they meant to invite me)
75. Gotten divorced (Not even close)
76. Gone without food for 5 days (I'd have to be in a coma for this to happen)
77. Made cookies from scratch (or an itch either)
78. Won first prize in a costume contest (and I wasn't even dressed up)
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice (is is just me or does the word gondola sound like a venereal disease?)
80. Gotten a tattoo (not until Plundered Booty sales)
81. Rafted a river (I counting tubed a river since that is the Texas way to do it)
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert” (I can't imagine the field)
83. Gotten flowers for no reason (I don't think I've ever gotten flowers period)
84. Performed on stage (thank God that hasn't hit You Tube)
85. Been to Las Vegas (finally it counts for something)
86. Recorded music (I'm guessing the don't mean off another CD)
87. Eaten shark (tastes like chicken)
88. Kissed on the first date (Damn that tree)
89. Gone to Thailand (I'll make no bad jokes about Bangkok)
90. Bought a house (And soon another)
91. Been in a combat zone (Though I do work at the Post Office)
92. Buried one/both of your parents (I guess a joke would be inappropriate)
93. Been on a cruise ship (No but I used to watch the Love Boat)
94. Spoken more than one language fluently (I did have six years of Latin but nobody except priests ever speak it)
95. Performed in a Rocky Horror Picture Show (I don't look good in drag)
96. Raised children (in the process)
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour (Dang jobs)
98. Passed out cold (and woke up hot)
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country ('fraid not)
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over (I'm too lazy)
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge (Never been to San Fran)
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking (I like my own ears to do very much singing)
103. Had plastic surgery (Would I still look like this if I had?)
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived (But i did have a nasty splinter one time)
105. Wrote articles for a large publication (define large)
106. Lost over 100 pounds (Probably should but never will)
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback (again nothing to say)
108. Piloted an airplane (when this happens everyone else on board she take up sky diving)
109. Touched a stingray (Our names are spelled different but I heard about what happened to Steve "Crocodile Hunter" Irwin)
110. Broken someone’s heart (Not that I know of)
111. Helped an animal give birth (Numerous times)
112. Won money on a TV game show (Never even applied for one)
113. Broken a bone (my ankles snapped like a twig while playing hockey)
114. Gone on an African photo safari (Alex won't take me)
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears (or any other "part" for that matter)
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol (all the above)
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild (nope as I think 'shrooms are veggies)
118. Ridden a horse (Again, I live in Texas)
119. Had major surgery (and woke up in the middle of it)
120. Had a snake as a pet (This is one critter I've missed)
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon (seems like work)
122. Slept 30 hours in a 48 hour time frame (with medicinal help)
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states (not even close)
124. Visited all 7 continents (see answer above)
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days (no, and I can't squeal like a pig either)
126. Eaten kangaroo meat (I'm game, but no)
127. Eaten sushi (prefer to use it as bait)
128. Had your picture in the newspaper (and not under the heading -- most wanted)
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about (Because I am a Master Debater, feel free to make your own pun)
130. Gone back to school (it still wasn't much fun)
131. Parasailed (maybe in December when i got o Florida)
132. touched a cockroach (crunchy)
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes (even fried they suck)
134. Read “The Iliad” (Required reading in Latin)
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read (numerous)
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (this week)
137. Skipped all your school reunions (I attended the one and only)
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
(I don't speak idiocy but many I work with do)
139. Been elected to public office (not public but my position in the union was elected)
140. Written your own computer language (I'm not that smart)
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you (they would have to be blind as well)
145. Had a booth at a street fair (I got nothing to peddle)
146. Dyed your hair (What you see is what you get)
147. Been a DJ (No desire)
148. Shaved your head (I've threatened but my wife doesn't like the idea)
149. Caused a car accident (Not that I'm aware of)
50. Saved someone’s life (see above)
Monday, September 8, 2008
Lighter Than Air - A My Town Monday Post
Okay, I'm kind of ticked right now. The New York Times did a piece about Amarillo on September 4th, and they failed to mention me, or My Town Mondays even once. The nerve!
To top it off the author, Jim Atkinson (A New Yorker I presume) described the city and area far more articulately than I ever could. He even trumped me by mentioning my subject matter for this week's post. Seriously, if you get the chance read the article, and check out the accompanying slide show of pictures as both are more interesting than my post this week. My only disagreement would be with Mr. Atkinson's choice of Mexican restaurant and the snubbing of my expertise on the Amarillo and the Panhandle region. Okay, so I'm just some writer/blogging hack nobody but y'all have ever heard of, but that's beside the point.
***************************
Now to this week's post.
It's colorless. Odorless. Tasteless. And non-toxic. (No, I'm not talking about my cooking.)
It's atomic number is 2. It's boiling and melting point are among the lowest of all elements. It is nearly always a gas. It is the king of the so-called noble gases.
It has served admirably in war time.
It has the power to change your voice.
It is helium and 95% of the world's supply is found within a 250 mile radius of Amarillo earning the city the nickname of "Helium Capital of the World."
Helium was discovered in 1868 and in 1903 it was learned that huge amounts of the element were present in the natural gas fields around Amarillo.
In 1925, the U.S. government established the National Helium Reserve at Amarillo with the goal of supplying the military in times of war, and commercial airships in times of peace. Due to an embargo against Germany that restricted helium supplies, the Hindenburg was forced to use hydrogen as the lift gas. Helium has a far greater stability so history could have been changed without the embargo.
Throughout the 1940’s the Amarillo Helium plant’s produced 24 million cubic feet annually, though President Franklin D. Roosevelt wanted to up production to 150 million cubic feet for the construction of 200 lighter-than-air aircraft for the Navy. In response, Congress approved nearly $17 million to expand the federal helium operations. In order to satisfy the 150 mmcf annual production quota, the federal workforce increased from 36 employees at the Amarillo Plant, to more than 400 men and women working at five separate plants.
The U.S. Bureau of Land Management still operates north of Amarillo, and about 40 percent of U.S. helium production - and almost 35 percent of the world's helium production comes from the Amarillo operations, but in 2006 the General Services Administration declared the old Amarillo Helium Plant on the west side of town as surplus government property because of "excessive deterioration." It was auctioned off and is now in the hands of private owner, but the building stand as a ghostly reminder of a bygone time.
So think of Amarillo the next time you're at a birthday party and somebody huffs a bit of helium and does their best Alvin and the Chipmunks impersonation.
The city has a National Helium Monument, but I did not make it out for a picture, but I plan to include it in a future post anyway.
Links to other MY TOWN MONDAYERS
Lana Gramlich --A look at Abita Springs, Louisiana's visit from Gustav.
Linda McLaughlin -- Digs up some dormant memories about the Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania area.
Debra -- Go on a stroll with her through Peninsula, Ohio
Britta Coleman -- Basks in the glow of that silver star in Fort Worth, Texas.
Terrie Farley Moran -- Wants him buried in the Bronx, New York.
Lyzzydee -- Takes us on vacation with her to Kinderdijk, Holland.
Barbara Martin -- Uncovers history and heroes in Toronto, Canada
Joshua -- Spices up Columbia, Illinois.
Barrie Summy -- Feeds us in the Little India, section of Toronto, Canada
Patti Abbott -- The ugly side of politics in Detroit, Michigan.
Mary Nix -- Working on the railroad in Olmsted Falls, Ohio
Clair Dickson -- Goes looking for the trains of yesteryear in Livingston County, Michigan
David Cranmer -- Introduces us to the Kom people of Cameroon in West Africa.
J.L. Krueger -- Gives us more insight into the people and culture of Kabul, Afghanistan.
To top it off the author, Jim Atkinson (A New Yorker I presume) described the city and area far more articulately than I ever could. He even trumped me by mentioning my subject matter for this week's post. Seriously, if you get the chance read the article, and check out the accompanying slide show of pictures as both are more interesting than my post this week. My only disagreement would be with Mr. Atkinson's choice of Mexican restaurant and the snubbing of my expertise on the Amarillo and the Panhandle region. Okay, so I'm just some writer/blogging hack nobody but y'all have ever heard of, but that's beside the point.
***************************
Now to this week's post.
It's colorless. Odorless. Tasteless. And non-toxic. (No, I'm not talking about my cooking.)
It's atomic number is 2. It's boiling and melting point are among the lowest of all elements. It is nearly always a gas. It is the king of the so-called noble gases.
It has served admirably in war time.
It has the power to change your voice.
It is helium and 95% of the world's supply is found within a 250 mile radius of Amarillo earning the city the nickname of "Helium Capital of the World."
Helium was discovered in 1868 and in 1903 it was learned that huge amounts of the element were present in the natural gas fields around Amarillo.
In 1925, the U.S. government established the National Helium Reserve at Amarillo with the goal of supplying the military in times of war, and commercial airships in times of peace. Due to an embargo against Germany that restricted helium supplies, the Hindenburg was forced to use hydrogen as the lift gas. Helium has a far greater stability so history could have been changed without the embargo.
Throughout the 1940’s the Amarillo Helium plant’s produced 24 million cubic feet annually, though President Franklin D. Roosevelt wanted to up production to 150 million cubic feet for the construction of 200 lighter-than-air aircraft for the Navy. In response, Congress approved nearly $17 million to expand the federal helium operations. In order to satisfy the 150 mmcf annual production quota, the federal workforce increased from 36 employees at the Amarillo Plant, to more than 400 men and women working at five separate plants.
The U.S. Bureau of Land Management still operates north of Amarillo, and about 40 percent of U.S. helium production - and almost 35 percent of the world's helium production comes from the Amarillo operations, but in 2006 the General Services Administration declared the old Amarillo Helium Plant on the west side of town as surplus government property because of "excessive deterioration." It was auctioned off and is now in the hands of private owner, but the building stand as a ghostly reminder of a bygone time.
So think of Amarillo the next time you're at a birthday party and somebody huffs a bit of helium and does their best Alvin and the Chipmunks impersonation.
The city has a National Helium Monument, but I did not make it out for a picture, but I plan to include it in a future post anyway.
Links to other MY TOWN MONDAYERS
Lana Gramlich --A look at Abita Springs, Louisiana's visit from Gustav.
Linda McLaughlin -- Digs up some dormant memories about the Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania area.
Debra -- Go on a stroll with her through Peninsula, Ohio
Britta Coleman -- Basks in the glow of that silver star in Fort Worth, Texas.
Terrie Farley Moran -- Wants him buried in the Bronx, New York.
Lyzzydee -- Takes us on vacation with her to Kinderdijk, Holland.
Barbara Martin -- Uncovers history and heroes in Toronto, Canada
Joshua -- Spices up Columbia, Illinois.
Barrie Summy -- Feeds us in the Little India, section of Toronto, Canada
Patti Abbott -- The ugly side of politics in Detroit, Michigan.
Mary Nix -- Working on the railroad in Olmsted Falls, Ohio
Clair Dickson -- Goes looking for the trains of yesteryear in Livingston County, Michigan
David Cranmer -- Introduces us to the Kom people of Cameroon in West Africa.
J.L. Krueger -- Gives us more insight into the people and culture of Kabul, Afghanistan.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
I Don't Mean To Piss People Off
Here is a shot of the setting Texas sun last evening.
In the nearly year and a half I've been writing this blog I've come to know tons of new people that I know consider friends. I've yet to meet any of y'all in person that I didn't already know before I started this blog. I've sold a few short pieces directly as a result of this blog and I've had a couple of people in the business contact me after liking what they read. The blog also gives me a place to post my mind drippings and get a bit of feedback. Creating fiction does not provide that kind of immediacy.
So all in all this blog has been a positive, but like most everything thing in this world there are cons that accompany the pros.
Blogging takes time. Time I could spent on my fiction. Time I could be marketing my pre-published novels. Time I could be reading novels and studying the craft. But I learn about the craft through my connection with fellow writers , agents, and editors out in the blogosphere as well. so I see that as somewhat of a wash.
So what other cons are there?
My greatest fear about this blog is that it will somehow hurt my chances to build the writing career I desire. The last thing I want is to post things that could alienate agents, editors, or even potential readers, BUT
Ahhh ... the big proverbial but, ... You can't please everyone.
I sometimes get emails from readers. i won't call them hate emails but they are certainly critical. They come in two forms.
Dear Idiot,
You call yourself a writer but you misspelled superfragilisticexpeallidocius in yesterdays post and you forget two commas, one hyphen, a semi-colon and you participles were dangling all over the place. No wonder you can't sell your novel.
Signed,
Strunk & White
or,
Dear Torturer,
How dare you stand there grinning like a fat hairy ape while you torture that poor fish in your picture. How would you like me to yank you from your home and hold you underwater so you can't breath? You have no right to be cruel to any of God's creatures.
Signed,
The Second Coming of Noah
Rarely do I respond to the first type of critic, mostly because I've explained on here numerous times that I cannot devote the necessary time to edit my blogs in the same manner than I do my fiction. Otherwise I would only be able to post a few times a month or I'd have to give up my fiction completely.
I do respond to the latter, but I'm not sure why. I'm never confrontational. I simply say that I'm sorry they feel that way, but I consider myself a responsible outdoorsemen. I do not break any laws and that for me hunting and fishing is a relaxing hobby. I mention that I also consider myself a conservationist as I belong to several organizations that promote natural habitat and in fact because of these efforts there are many species of animals that are larger in number today than anytime in the last century. (Such as the Rocky Mountain Elk Foundation) Then I thank the emailer for reading the blog and wish them well in their endeavors.
Most I never hear from again. A few of you have become regular readers and commenter's which I am proud you stayed. I guess what I am trying to say is that while I don't try to provoke argument or rub any one's nose in my ideals I am who I am, ... a meat loving, hunting, fishing, law-abiding, gun owning Texan. I've got my liberal side as well but that is a post for another day.
And for the record, that largemouth bass in the picture was released back into Lake Ray Roberts down near Dallas within seconds after that picture was snapped, so I only tortured him a little while. Could have been worse, I could have sent it to Guantanamo.
And that picture above ... I took while Dove hunting. So I open the debate. Does that make me evil? Should I apologize for being me?
Friday, September 5, 2008
Forgotten book Friday
It has been a while since i took pat in Patti Abbott's fantastic Friday feature, Forgotten Book Friday.
Outlaw by Warren Kiefer first came out in 1989. I first read it shortly thereafter and reread it again a few years back. The story and main character have stuck with me over the years. A sweeping historical saga that spans the entire 89 years of Lee Garland's life. From the frontier west of his cattle rustling adolescence to Garland's days as a member of Teddy Roosevelt's Rough Rider's this novel reads like a memoir. Weaving historical fact with fiction, Kiefer brings the story and character of Lee Garland to life and ultimately death.
Sadly, the novel is so forgotten that I couldn't find a single image of the cover on the internet.
For more great books check out the link on Patti Abbott's blog.
Outlaw by Warren Kiefer first came out in 1989. I first read it shortly thereafter and reread it again a few years back. The story and main character have stuck with me over the years. A sweeping historical saga that spans the entire 89 years of Lee Garland's life. From the frontier west of his cattle rustling adolescence to Garland's days as a member of Teddy Roosevelt's Rough Rider's this novel reads like a memoir. Weaving historical fact with fiction, Kiefer brings the story and character of Lee Garland to life and ultimately death.
Sadly, the novel is so forgotten that I couldn't find a single image of the cover on the internet.
For more great books check out the link on Patti Abbott's blog.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
The Way I Write
I haven't posted much about writing lately so thought I'd do this writing meme that both Shauna Roberts, Charles Gramlich, and Writtenwyrdd did in the past on their blogs.
What is your genre(s)? I've written a little bit of everything in short form, but my first three novels were all women's fiction. I am marketing my latest creation as a comedic mainstream novel. I am considering working on a creative non-fiction project for my next book length endeavor., but that depends on how the agent search for Plundered Booty progresses.
How many books are you working on now? None, unless you count querying and sending out submissions. I have been going back and forth between two short stories but they are nearing completion. I tried to do two books at once when i first started Booty but ultimately, I abandoned the other story.
Are you a linear or a chunk writer? Linear writer. I can't move forward until I'm satisfied. that is not to say I do not become dissatisfied later but before I jump ahead I must be okay with what I've already written.
What POV are you partial to? Used to be third person, but lately seems like I've been choosing first more. I think that has to do with subject matter more than anything else however. Some stories need first, others can only work in third. Until I become an overpaid professional athlete it is doubtful I'll ever uses second.
What tense do you use? Past, but a bit of present was called for in Booty.
What theme keeps cropping up in your books? Winning by losing. Life never works out the way any of us planned an if you get too caught up in the things that go wrong you just might miss it the first time they go right. Sometimes happiness comes in a form we never expected.
How many days a week do you write? All of them. Maybe it's a line or two, Maybe it's twenty pages, but I write a little bit each and every day. And anytime I have a quiet moment I am writing scenes and dialogue in my head.
What time of day do you get your best writing done? This goes in streaks, Sometimes I get up early and write with great results. then I get in the habit of staying up late. On my days off I tend to write late morning and early afternoon then go about doing other tasks.
Who are your mentors? I have had so many along the way. RWA hall-of-famer Jodi Thomas gave me the initial encouragement to submit my work to agents and editors, Kensington editor Hilary Sares was the first person in the business to say "You have talent and a great voice" and she has offered tons of advice along the way. Deborah Elliott-Upton once put me in the hospital while whipping me into writing shape in a short story course.
Who are your favorite authors to read? This is the hardest question as I have dozens of favorites. Without comment here are the ones that immediately come to mind. Richard Russo, Jodi Picoult, Ian McEwan, Jennifer Crusie, Nicholas Evans, Anne Tyler, Joshilyn Jackson, Carl Hiasson, David Guterson, Kinky Freidman, Jennifer Archer, Maeve Binchy, Janet Evanovich, Mark Twain, J.K. Rowling, Ernest Hemingway and more that I am forgetting right now.
So tell me how we are the same and how we differ. Any of those authors make your favorite list? Who did I forget?
What is your genre(s)? I've written a little bit of everything in short form, but my first three novels were all women's fiction. I am marketing my latest creation as a comedic mainstream novel. I am considering working on a creative non-fiction project for my next book length endeavor., but that depends on how the agent search for Plundered Booty progresses.
How many books are you working on now? None, unless you count querying and sending out submissions. I have been going back and forth between two short stories but they are nearing completion. I tried to do two books at once when i first started Booty but ultimately, I abandoned the other story.
Are you a linear or a chunk writer? Linear writer. I can't move forward until I'm satisfied. that is not to say I do not become dissatisfied later but before I jump ahead I must be okay with what I've already written.
What POV are you partial to? Used to be third person, but lately seems like I've been choosing first more. I think that has to do with subject matter more than anything else however. Some stories need first, others can only work in third. Until I become an overpaid professional athlete it is doubtful I'll ever uses second.
What tense do you use? Past, but a bit of present was called for in Booty.
What theme keeps cropping up in your books? Winning by losing. Life never works out the way any of us planned an if you get too caught up in the things that go wrong you just might miss it the first time they go right. Sometimes happiness comes in a form we never expected.
How many days a week do you write? All of them. Maybe it's a line or two, Maybe it's twenty pages, but I write a little bit each and every day. And anytime I have a quiet moment I am writing scenes and dialogue in my head.
What time of day do you get your best writing done? This goes in streaks, Sometimes I get up early and write with great results. then I get in the habit of staying up late. On my days off I tend to write late morning and early afternoon then go about doing other tasks.
Who are your mentors? I have had so many along the way. RWA hall-of-famer Jodi Thomas gave me the initial encouragement to submit my work to agents and editors, Kensington editor Hilary Sares was the first person in the business to say "You have talent and a great voice" and she has offered tons of advice along the way. Deborah Elliott-Upton once put me in the hospital while whipping me into writing shape in a short story course.
Who are your favorite authors to read? This is the hardest question as I have dozens of favorites. Without comment here are the ones that immediately come to mind. Richard Russo, Jodi Picoult, Ian McEwan, Jennifer Crusie, Nicholas Evans, Anne Tyler, Joshilyn Jackson, Carl Hiasson, David Guterson, Kinky Freidman, Jennifer Archer, Maeve Binchy, Janet Evanovich, Mark Twain, J.K. Rowling, Ernest Hemingway and more that I am forgetting right now.
So tell me how we are the same and how we differ. Any of those authors make your favorite list? Who did I forget?
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