I have one ... A big, hairy one I might add.
Get your mind out of the gutter people. I'm talking about mustaches.
Actually I have more than a mere mustache as I have chosen to ring my entire pie-hole with hair and grow and sport the uber manly -- goatee.
Why you ask?
The simple answer ... because I can.
Like standing up to pee, growing facial hair is a staple of manhood. Sure there are women that grow a pretty good 'stache, and a few gals can even take the stubble to an elite level and grow a beard. But unless you have circus ambitions, it's generally frowned upon to have both facial fuzz and boobs. Yes men, that means even if you are manly enough to grow chin decoration that rivals ZZ Top, man boobs greatly diminishes your manliness.
But Travis you say. Is it really all that manly or cool to have something growing on your face that is named for an animal? And a goat at that.
Yes. Yes it is. Billy goats (the ones that actually sport goatees) are indeed bad ass. Need I remind you that Billy Goat Gruff did prevail over the evil troll lurking beneath the bridge.
Okay, you say. Facial hair is manly, but it tickles to kiss someone a hairy upper lip.
Given the fact I've never kissed anyone with a hairy upper lip I can't verify the accuracy of this statement, but I will say ... perhaps, some people enjoy that tickle.
What? Are those cries of BS I hear in the distant. Are there actually naysayers chanting -- shave it off -- shave it off.
Fine, fine. I'll come clean. I have my goatee for two main reasons.
One, I look about twelve without it. Or at least I did the last time I was clean shaven, which would be August of 1997, exactly two months prior to my wedding. And then I was clean shaven only as a result of an ill-timed sneeze. Trust me fellas, if you are holding an electric trimmer and feel even the slightest urge to sneeze -- stop trimming your goat until the urge goes completely away.
Two, I'm lazy. I hate to shave. Having a goatee means less surface area to manscape. It's no different than filling your yard with rocks and cactus and claiming to be environmental friendly because your new "zero"scape has less needs. Bullshit. Your just too dang lazy to water and mow. And given the fact I am one chromosome away from being Sasquatch I'd be shaving all the damn time if I wanted to maintain that sensual smoothness the shaving cream companies claim is all the rage with the ladies.
But what are the drawbacks to having a mustache, goatee or full beard?
1) Honey. No I'm not getting fresh with you. I'm talking about the sweet nectar of the bees. Honey is not a friend to facial hair. Neither is syrup.
2) Extra shampoo expense. Yes guys it is very important you suds the goat every morning. Or evening if that happens to be your shower time.
3) Toddlers and chewing gum. Neither kids nor Hubba Bubba are all that dangerous to beards when faced individually but together they spell real trouble.
And other than the increases virility and sex appeal what are the benefits of letting the facial follicles freely frolick?
1) Extra warmth. The only time my wife will let me get away with a full beard is when I have a hunt planned for the cold mountain peaks of Colorado. And trust me a furred over face is indeed warmer when the chill of 13,000 feet is blowing across your cheeks. (Hey, I just realized that same argument could apply to justifying a hairy arse.)
2) The soup at lunch tasted really great. And now thanks to your 'stache you can enjoy that same flavor hours later with a mere flick of your tongue.
3) Should you ever become a wanted man you can alter your appearance in minutes, simply by shaving, whereas if you rob that bank while clean shaven you'll have to lay low for days, weeks, or months. (Time frame varies according to your manliness level and ability to grow facial hair)
********************************
This post was inspired by my Facebook plea for blogging ideas. My FB buddies responded and this is but the first of several posts to be inspired by their comments. I asked for topics or first lines and these are what I got and what you can look forward to. Int eh order in which I received them.
Shannon aka Bubblewench said ... Moustaches, good or evil... discuss!
Lissa served up this first line ... 'It seemed like it should have worked out fine.'
Avery tossed this line out ... "It wasn't even my shoe."
Kim handed me a serious subject .. Autism now affects one in 91 American children. Have fun...
Deborah suggested ... Oktoberfest
Melanie asked ... "Whose hair is this and why is it stuck to my chest?"
Jenn offered a trio of words and wants them all included in one post ... Mummies, Pabst Blue Ribbon, and Britney Spears.
Shonda begged for ... "Ism's"...... what are they and what can they do for you?
Should be interesting and varied blog fare.
So, let's hear it. To be, or not to be ... Hairy ...
That is the question.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Friday, October 2, 2009
Google Monster
First off I want to wish my beautiful bride, Jennifer, a happy birthday today. If I wasn't a tightwad I'd be out buying her something nice rather than blogging. She certainly deserves it.
*******************************
I only served up 5 posts for the month of September. that is my all time low for the 2 1/2 years I've been blogging. I might do better this month but the pace will not pick up until after flag football ends mid month.
Not blogging as regular led to a sizable drop in hits, but enough people visited for me to still get some humorous Google searches last month. Thought I'd share my thoughts on a few with y'all now.
light a match for poo smell led one hopeful Googler to this post. What cracks me up is the word the fact the searcher used for rather than to get rid of. Unless of course they really are in search of ways to create poo smell. In that case I suggest a trip to Golden Corral and a twelve pack of beer. They might have to wait a few hours but soon enough their abode will be filled with the hearty aroma they so crave.
today is the first day of the rest of my life landed a visitor here. My concern here is that if you really do wake up feeling that optimistic about your future do you really need to turn to google for the next step. Hey Mr. Sunshine, step away from the computer and go out do something to enjoy that new beginning. Much as I like y'all to read my blog I really ain't all that inspirational.
is it illegal to scatter ashes in Amarillo I really don't get how my post on pissing cartoon characters and Osama Bin Laden has anything to do with cremating your loved ones. Furthermore, I like my hometown, but it's really not the kind of place that most people would choose to spend eternity. A high mountain peak, the currents of the ocean I get. But dumping my burn body in some bar ditch next to a feedlot just isn't all that romantic. And the way the wind blows around here you aren't going to stay put anyway.
don't pass out around your friends I'm thinking of you have to google this one you've already done it. And chances are those friends just may not fall into that category anymore. Given that the post this search led to is all about lying I'm thinking this searches might have needed a good excuse why their eyebrows are missing.
weird enema tricks I can't help but wonder of this search came from David Letterman's staff. After all stupid human and pet tricks are no longer fresh. Nevertheless, if the show deploys the procedure of this post their ratings are bound to plunge into the shitter.
ten literary characters I would totally make out with And I still stand by my list.
fruit smelling poop This inquiry leads to the same post as the poo match from above. But for the record I might know a few things about meat smelling poop, but I have no working knowledge of fruit smelling poop. What am I, a monkey?
cockamamie joke Surprisingly, this Google search does not lead to every post on my blog, but merely this one. By the way cockamamie is a vastly underused word.
St Joan of Arc sausagefest Okay this google searches leads to this post because of a comment left by one of my regular readers. Thing I find ironic is that their is a festival honoring someone who met their end by being burned at the stake, and this honor is paid by cooking the flesh of a pig. Y'all know I'm a carnivore through and through but if ever there was a time for salad this just might be it. I'm thinking St Joan would be all for a flameless celebration.
**********************************
And if you are out and about in Amarillo tomorrow October 3rd, be sure and stop by the Hastings store on Georgia between 1 and 3 to pick up your signed copy of my friend Ron's historical look at our city through postcards
*******************************
I only served up 5 posts for the month of September. that is my all time low for the 2 1/2 years I've been blogging. I might do better this month but the pace will not pick up until after flag football ends mid month.
Not blogging as regular led to a sizable drop in hits, but enough people visited for me to still get some humorous Google searches last month. Thought I'd share my thoughts on a few with y'all now.
light a match for poo smell led one hopeful Googler to this post. What cracks me up is the word the fact the searcher used for rather than to get rid of. Unless of course they really are in search of ways to create poo smell. In that case I suggest a trip to Golden Corral and a twelve pack of beer. They might have to wait a few hours but soon enough their abode will be filled with the hearty aroma they so crave.
today is the first day of the rest of my life landed a visitor here. My concern here is that if you really do wake up feeling that optimistic about your future do you really need to turn to google for the next step. Hey Mr. Sunshine, step away from the computer and go out do something to enjoy that new beginning. Much as I like y'all to read my blog I really ain't all that inspirational.
is it illegal to scatter ashes in Amarillo I really don't get how my post on pissing cartoon characters and Osama Bin Laden has anything to do with cremating your loved ones. Furthermore, I like my hometown, but it's really not the kind of place that most people would choose to spend eternity. A high mountain peak, the currents of the ocean I get. But dumping my burn body in some bar ditch next to a feedlot just isn't all that romantic. And the way the wind blows around here you aren't going to stay put anyway.
don't pass out around your friends I'm thinking of you have to google this one you've already done it. And chances are those friends just may not fall into that category anymore. Given that the post this search led to is all about lying I'm thinking this searches might have needed a good excuse why their eyebrows are missing.
weird enema tricks I can't help but wonder of this search came from David Letterman's staff. After all stupid human and pet tricks are no longer fresh. Nevertheless, if the show deploys the procedure of this post their ratings are bound to plunge into the shitter.
ten literary characters I would totally make out with And I still stand by my list.
fruit smelling poop This inquiry leads to the same post as the poo match from above. But for the record I might know a few things about meat smelling poop, but I have no working knowledge of fruit smelling poop. What am I, a monkey?
cockamamie joke Surprisingly, this Google search does not lead to every post on my blog, but merely this one. By the way cockamamie is a vastly underused word.
St Joan of Arc sausagefest Okay this google searches leads to this post because of a comment left by one of my regular readers. Thing I find ironic is that their is a festival honoring someone who met their end by being burned at the stake, and this honor is paid by cooking the flesh of a pig. Y'all know I'm a carnivore through and through but if ever there was a time for salad this just might be it. I'm thinking St Joan would be all for a flameless celebration.
**********************************
And if you are out and about in Amarillo tomorrow October 3rd, be sure and stop by the Hastings store on Georgia between 1 and 3 to pick up your signed copy of my friend Ron's historical look at our city through postcards
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Satan Is A Midget
Yeah, I know that the title of this post is not PC, but given that not even the ACLU would file suit on behalf of Lucifer I went ahead and used the offensive term anyway.
That brings us to the means in which I acquired knowledge of Beelzebub's diminutive nature.
The story goes something like this and does not involve a fiddle of gold.
My grandpa dies just a few days after my oldest son was born. Due to the fact that both my son and my grandpa were in the hospital dealing with heart issues they never had the chance to meet in person. (For more on that story click here to read the tale of my journey into fatherhood)
However, my mom has family vacation videos of bygone years in which my boys have been able to see and hear my grandpa, their great grandfather.
So out of the blue my 8yo asks the other day, "Mom, will I be able to talk to Grandpa Howery when I get to heaven?"
Jennifer answers that yes, he will get that chance.
T then points to the ground and asks, " But what if I go to the other place."
"Be good and you won't have to worry about that," She answered.
"What does the other place look lie anyway," he asks next.
At this point my 6 yo son, who had been listening quietly chimes in and says, "It's hot, dark, and there is lots of lava." Then holding his hand out about chest high on his own small body he said, "And there is a little dude with horns."
************************************
Flag football is going strong, but sadly I cannot report a victory yet. Vince Lombardi I am not. Between two years of coaching (1 team last year 2 this season) my record as head coach is 1 win, thirteen losses. The lone victory came last year when one of the teams failed to show up.
But I am proud to say all, but one kid that played last year came back so I count the experience as a success. If the kids learn and want to keep playing I feel as if I am doing something right.
***********************************
Writing is going slow, but at least it is going again. I couldn't say that for most of the summer.
***********************************
After seventeen years at the post office working first nights and evening and then daytime hours, all with crappy days off, it looks as if I'll finally get a daytime job with weekends off starting at the end of October. That will be great for family activities and mean no more 12 hour days and four hour lunch breaks to coach football.
*********************************
My goal for next year is to make at least two writer's conferences. I really need to buckle down and do more to jump start my writing career. Once upon a time a had lots of personal
contacts among agents and editors but in recent times that number has dwindled. Far too many deaths, retirements and layoffs in the business for me to not be more proactive.
********************************
I am starting a new project involving the kids at the Catholic school where my wife teaches and boys attend. I will be teaching basic writing to the kids as well as moderating discussion on novels already published in the young adult genre. I have already started a new blog to record these lessons and discussions so be sure and sign up to follow the things that go on there. I hope it will be a great place for both kids and adults and maybe you can engage your own children and take part via the internet. Sign on the follow that blog now so you'll be aware when I update the content. http://younglit.blogspot.com/
*******************************
So that's what is going on in my world. What's shaking in yours?
ps I hope to catch up soon and start visiting your blogs with more regularity.
That brings us to the means in which I acquired knowledge of Beelzebub's diminutive nature.
The story goes something like this and does not involve a fiddle of gold.
My grandpa dies just a few days after my oldest son was born. Due to the fact that both my son and my grandpa were in the hospital dealing with heart issues they never had the chance to meet in person. (For more on that story click here to read the tale of my journey into fatherhood)
However, my mom has family vacation videos of bygone years in which my boys have been able to see and hear my grandpa, their great grandfather.
So out of the blue my 8yo asks the other day, "Mom, will I be able to talk to Grandpa Howery when I get to heaven?"
Jennifer answers that yes, he will get that chance.
T then points to the ground and asks, " But what if I go to the other place."
"Be good and you won't have to worry about that," She answered.
"What does the other place look lie anyway," he asks next.
At this point my 6 yo son, who had been listening quietly chimes in and says, "It's hot, dark, and there is lots of lava." Then holding his hand out about chest high on his own small body he said, "And there is a little dude with horns."
************************************
Flag football is going strong, but sadly I cannot report a victory yet. Vince Lombardi I am not. Between two years of coaching (1 team last year 2 this season) my record as head coach is 1 win, thirteen losses. The lone victory came last year when one of the teams failed to show up.
But I am proud to say all, but one kid that played last year came back so I count the experience as a success. If the kids learn and want to keep playing I feel as if I am doing something right.
***********************************
Writing is going slow, but at least it is going again. I couldn't say that for most of the summer.
***********************************
After seventeen years at the post office working first nights and evening and then daytime hours, all with crappy days off, it looks as if I'll finally get a daytime job with weekends off starting at the end of October. That will be great for family activities and mean no more 12 hour days and four hour lunch breaks to coach football.
*********************************
My goal for next year is to make at least two writer's conferences. I really need to buckle down and do more to jump start my writing career. Once upon a time a had lots of personal
contacts among agents and editors but in recent times that number has dwindled. Far too many deaths, retirements and layoffs in the business for me to not be more proactive.
********************************
I am starting a new project involving the kids at the Catholic school where my wife teaches and boys attend. I will be teaching basic writing to the kids as well as moderating discussion on novels already published in the young adult genre. I have already started a new blog to record these lessons and discussions so be sure and sign up to follow the things that go on there. I hope it will be a great place for both kids and adults and maybe you can engage your own children and take part via the internet. Sign on the follow that blog now so you'll be aware when I update the content. http://younglit.blogspot.com/
*******************************
So that's what is going on in my world. What's shaking in yours?
ps I hope to catch up soon and start visiting your blogs with more regularity.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
I'll Take Cheese For $300 Alex
If you have read my blog for very long you already know I have some unique eating habits. Given that "lettuce is the Devil" my fast food orders require special handling. Whether it be a hamburger or a taco I make certain my meal is not tainted by any of the green leafy poison.
Having said that, it shouldn't come as a surprise to any of you that just as often as not my order gets screwed up. And I'm not proud of the fact, but I've thrown more than one hissy fit upon finding "The Devil" cuddling up with my meat. And yes, I have cursed the very profession of fast food worker as being the least intelligent group of humans on earth.
I'm blogging here today as a form of confession and to repent for the error of my ways. For I have been shown the light. Today, I witnessed a true lack of intelligence and it came from the other side of the counter.
There I was at Wienerschnitzel, waiting on my two corndogs when in walks three men. These men were well dressed and appeared normal in every way. The first stepped up to the counter and ordered without problem.
The second squinted up at at the menu board before asking of this gem of a question ... "Uh could you tell me, "What is the difference between the chili dog and the chili cheese dog?"
Without missing a beat, the wiener peddling employee answered, "That would be cheese, sir."
That's when I lost it. I didn't really mean to laugh but come on. Chili dog/ chili cheese dog. Is it really hard to cipher out the difference?
And the best part? After eavesdropping when the group of men sat to eat. I learned they were engineers for the railroad. Now I know a couple of engineers and I'm proud to say they are a heck of a lot sharper than chili dog boy, so in the future I'll do my best not to stereotype anyone based on their occupation.
Having said that, it shouldn't come as a surprise to any of you that just as often as not my order gets screwed up. And I'm not proud of the fact, but I've thrown more than one hissy fit upon finding "The Devil" cuddling up with my meat. And yes, I have cursed the very profession of fast food worker as being the least intelligent group of humans on earth.
I'm blogging here today as a form of confession and to repent for the error of my ways. For I have been shown the light. Today, I witnessed a true lack of intelligence and it came from the other side of the counter.
There I was at Wienerschnitzel, waiting on my two corndogs when in walks three men. These men were well dressed and appeared normal in every way. The first stepped up to the counter and ordered without problem.
The second squinted up at at the menu board before asking of this gem of a question ... "Uh could you tell me, "What is the difference between the chili dog and the chili cheese dog?"
Without missing a beat, the wiener peddling employee answered, "That would be cheese, sir."
That's when I lost it. I didn't really mean to laugh but come on. Chili dog/ chili cheese dog. Is it really hard to cipher out the difference?
And the best part? After eavesdropping when the group of men sat to eat. I learned they were engineers for the railroad. Now I know a couple of engineers and I'm proud to say they are a heck of a lot sharper than chili dog boy, so in the future I'll do my best not to stereotype anyone based on their occupation.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Happy Friday
If you are a college football fan, be sure and visit Phat's blog where I am this week's guest picker. Stop by and see who I'm picking to win and why. And chime in with your own picks if you get the chance.
My double squad of flag boys and girls will also be in action this weekend with four games. The talent is there now we must see if the coaching can hold up.
In other news my good friend Deborah Elliott-Upton has a short story in the crime anthology The Gift Of Murder. The short story collection is an annual fundraiser for the Toys for Tots program so if you are reader purchasing a copy is a great way to help others and entertain yourself.
Copies may be ordered here.
My double squad of flag boys and girls will also be in action this weekend with four games. The talent is there now we must see if the coaching can hold up.
In other news my good friend Deborah Elliott-Upton has a short story in the crime anthology The Gift Of Murder. The short story collection is an annual fundraiser for the Toys for Tots program so if you are reader purchasing a copy is a great way to help others and entertain yourself.
Copies may be ordered here.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Breathlessly Tolerant of Rum, Pigskin, and Dancing Men
I'm alive. Somewhat of a surprise after the way I felt Saturday morning. I know you have all heard of food poisoning, but apparently you can also get sick from drinking bad rum. A word of caution. The impurities of rum settle to the bottom of a bottle.
I discovered this fact too late. I was fine after the first nine or ten Sailor Jerry and Cokes, but somewhere between the last four or five I got poisoned by the dregs of the bottle.
**************************
In other news I am coaching not one but two flag football teams. On one team I have a dozen eager, albeit slightly impatient first graders. The other team is stocked with 18 second and third graders. Double the practices has left me short on time and energy, but I excited about the upcoming season. Games start this Saturday.
My favorite moment thus far came from my own six year old son. After he yanked down the fourth or fifth runner in practice I tried to explain for the umpteenth time that we were playing flag football and not tackle was against the rules.
He calmly explained, "I was going for the flag, but it's easier to grab if you knock the other person down first."
*********************************
I was sad to hear about the passing of Patrick Swayze. My all time favorite Swayze movie was Red Dawn, a flick about a Russian invasion and occupation of America. Matter of fact my first ever stab at writing was a cheap knock off of that movie in which I rewrote the plot to star me and my buddies. Truthfully the only real differences were the names and the setting. I was probably about 12 and I'm sure it was horrible but I'd give a hundred bucks for a copy of the manuscript.
*******************************
I'm sick of hearing politicians and extremists sugarcoat their bigotry by using the word tolerant. Tolerant comes from the word tolerate. I tolerate things I do not like. Saying you are very tolerant of another's lifestyle or religion does not make you open-minded. It's simply a clever way to say I despise who and what you are, but I'm too much of a chicken shit to admit it. Saying you are very tolerant is no different than saying ...
I'm not a racist, I have lots of black friends.
I'm not homophobic, my little brother is gay.
I'm not anti-sematic, I'm even circumsized.
Here's the deal. If you have to come out and say you're not something -- chances are you is.
And yeah, I know the grammar in that last line is crap, but it doesn't stink half as bad as using the word tolerant to portray yourself as understanding, compassionate, or open minded.
**************************
Another word that bugs me is breathless. Why do we use it when talking about something good?
He opened the jewelry box and the diamond inside left me breathless.
Her beauty rendered me breathless.
I was breathless as I witnessed the birth of my son.
All BS. Using the word breathless simply because you are too lazy to find the right adjective is wrong. The only time I've ever truly been breathless was when something bad happened to me.
The linebacker drove his helmet into me and rendered me breathless.
I was breathless after she kicked me in the shishkabobs.
I was too busy kissing his wife to defend the punch to my gut, but watching them walk away I was breathless.
Besides, we all need to breath to live. So how can anything that denies us breath and therefore our very existence be good?
Think I'll stick to overjoyed.
Here's a fine example ...
Reading Travis's blog leaves me overjoyed.
I discovered this fact too late. I was fine after the first nine or ten Sailor Jerry and Cokes, but somewhere between the last four or five I got poisoned by the dregs of the bottle.
**************************
In other news I am coaching not one but two flag football teams. On one team I have a dozen eager, albeit slightly impatient first graders. The other team is stocked with 18 second and third graders. Double the practices has left me short on time and energy, but I excited about the upcoming season. Games start this Saturday.
My favorite moment thus far came from my own six year old son. After he yanked down the fourth or fifth runner in practice I tried to explain for the umpteenth time that we were playing flag football and not tackle was against the rules.
He calmly explained, "I was going for the flag, but it's easier to grab if you knock the other person down first."
*********************************
I was sad to hear about the passing of Patrick Swayze. My all time favorite Swayze movie was Red Dawn, a flick about a Russian invasion and occupation of America. Matter of fact my first ever stab at writing was a cheap knock off of that movie in which I rewrote the plot to star me and my buddies. Truthfully the only real differences were the names and the setting. I was probably about 12 and I'm sure it was horrible but I'd give a hundred bucks for a copy of the manuscript.
*******************************
I'm sick of hearing politicians and extremists sugarcoat their bigotry by using the word tolerant. Tolerant comes from the word tolerate. I tolerate things I do not like. Saying you are very tolerant of another's lifestyle or religion does not make you open-minded. It's simply a clever way to say I despise who and what you are, but I'm too much of a chicken shit to admit it. Saying you are very tolerant is no different than saying ...
I'm not a racist, I have lots of black friends.
I'm not homophobic, my little brother is gay.
I'm not anti-sematic, I'm even circumsized.
Here's the deal. If you have to come out and say you're not something -- chances are you is.
And yeah, I know the grammar in that last line is crap, but it doesn't stink half as bad as using the word tolerant to portray yourself as understanding, compassionate, or open minded.
**************************
Another word that bugs me is breathless. Why do we use it when talking about something good?
He opened the jewelry box and the diamond inside left me breathless.
Her beauty rendered me breathless.
I was breathless as I witnessed the birth of my son.
All BS. Using the word breathless simply because you are too lazy to find the right adjective is wrong. The only time I've ever truly been breathless was when something bad happened to me.
The linebacker drove his helmet into me and rendered me breathless.
I was breathless after she kicked me in the shishkabobs.
I was too busy kissing his wife to defend the punch to my gut, but watching them walk away I was breathless.
Besides, we all need to breath to live. So how can anything that denies us breath and therefore our very existence be good?
Think I'll stick to overjoyed.
Here's a fine example ...
Reading Travis's blog leaves me overjoyed.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Cockamamie
I say ... I say ... I say I'm thoroughly ticked off. And no son, that is no joke.
Let me set the scene. There I was, roaming around the book and video section of Target while my wife was off looking at God knows what. I was trying to amuse myself, and ease the pain of being drug against my will out for an afternoon of shopping.
And then I spied this.
One look and I tossed that little collection into my basket. Now I could lie and tell y'all the same things I did my wife. I could say I purchased the Looney Tunes Spotlight Collection 2 because i thought my boys would like it. I could even speak the truth and say the cartoons are a lot better and less annoying than ever-so-popular yellow and porous square fellow, or that motley crew on Chowder, but I'm going to come clean and tell you why I bought that collection.
Me and Foghorn J. Leghorn go way back. He's my all-time favorite character and if you take a look at that DVD cover you'll see every one's favorite giant cock (that phrase ought to generate some interesting Google searches) right there in the lower right hand corner. Heck, the diminutive Henery the Chicken Hawk is right there above him.
Now it's been years since I've had the pleasure of Foghorn's company or heard a single southern fried ... I say Son.
Oh but the charm of that collection didn't end there. Another of my Saturday morning faves was the odorous and amorous, Pepé Le Pew.
And there is also a picture of Speedy Gonzales. I'd about assumed he'd been banned from the airwaves out of politic correctness for portraying racial stereotypes. Speedy isn't one of the greats, but I hadn't seen in a good long while so I was eager to hear a good "¡Ándale! ¡Ándale! ¡Arriba! ¡Arriba!".
Needless to say it was I who was excited to slip the DVD into the player.
But guess what. Not one damn Foghorn cartoon, or Pepé, or Speedy is to be found in the whole shootin' match of cartoons.
I say ... I say .... I say that is blatant false advertising and gives new meaning to the term cock tease.
Well I'm no tease, so here is dose of what those characters over at Warner Bros. screwed me out of.
So tell me, Who is your all-time favorite cartoon character?
Let me set the scene. There I was, roaming around the book and video section of Target while my wife was off looking at God knows what. I was trying to amuse myself, and ease the pain of being drug against my will out for an afternoon of shopping.
And then I spied this.
One look and I tossed that little collection into my basket. Now I could lie and tell y'all the same things I did my wife. I could say I purchased the Looney Tunes Spotlight Collection 2 because i thought my boys would like it. I could even speak the truth and say the cartoons are a lot better and less annoying than ever-so-popular yellow and porous square fellow, or that motley crew on Chowder, but I'm going to come clean and tell you why I bought that collection.
Me and Foghorn J. Leghorn go way back. He's my all-time favorite character and if you take a look at that DVD cover you'll see every one's favorite giant cock (that phrase ought to generate some interesting Google searches) right there in the lower right hand corner. Heck, the diminutive Henery the Chicken Hawk is right there above him.
Now it's been years since I've had the pleasure of Foghorn's company or heard a single southern fried ... I say Son.
Oh but the charm of that collection didn't end there. Another of my Saturday morning faves was the odorous and amorous, Pepé Le Pew.
And there is also a picture of Speedy Gonzales. I'd about assumed he'd been banned from the airwaves out of politic correctness for portraying racial stereotypes. Speedy isn't one of the greats, but I hadn't seen in a good long while so I was eager to hear a good "¡Ándale! ¡Ándale! ¡Arriba! ¡Arriba!".
Needless to say it was I who was excited to slip the DVD into the player.
But guess what. Not one damn Foghorn cartoon, or Pepé, or Speedy is to be found in the whole shootin' match of cartoons.
I say ... I say .... I say that is blatant false advertising and gives new meaning to the term cock tease.
Well I'm no tease, so here is dose of what those characters over at Warner Bros. screwed me out of.
So tell me, Who is your all-time favorite cartoon character?
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